Christmas blues (mentally, dating, mom, husband)

[Katzpur]

I am experiencing something this year that I have never experienced in my 68 years of life, and I could use some words of support. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I absolutely loved it. I loved decorating, shopping, going to Christmas events, etc. My immediate family consisted only of my parents, my younger sister and me. We had cousins, aunts and uncles, but weren't particularly close to them. When I got married 46 years ago, I made sure my first Christmas with my husband was as great as I could possibly make it, and this continued every year, even though we were just in a little apartment for the first few years. We chose to remain childless for a period of time, but eventually a son and a daughter came along. That was when I really started doing things up big. When my parents started to advance in age, we started celebrating the holiday at our house instead of theirs. It was my parents, my husband, my kids, my sister and her husband, and me. Several years later, they adopted two baby boys and their kids joined us. My kids grew up (they are now 37 and 34) and left home. Both got married and then divorced. They had no children. They are now both in long-term relationships which may or may not end up with them getting married. I doubt very much that I will ever have grandchildren. My two nephews are now 25 and 22 and are still single.

I have been "doing Christmas" for 46 years now. During the past 30 or so years, I have put up so many decorations that it has taken me six days to decorate and three to un-decorate when it's all over. I have cooked a Christmas dinner for ten people for so many years. I'm about the farthest thing in the world from Martha Stewart, but I give it my best shot. Our Christmas dinners have always been formal. We use our fine china, crystal and silverware. I have a beautiful centerpiece with candles and the works. I cook beef tenderloin and Yorkshire pudding, which is an old family tradition. I'm not a natural cook or hostess and the whole Christmas dinner thing has always been immensely stressful for me. Unfortunately, my stress is evident, as hard as I try to appear relaxed.

I generally start decorating the weekend after Thanksgiving. We aren't big entertainers, so nobody really sees our house all decorated to the hilt until Christmas night when my kids and their significant others and my sister, brother-in-law and sons come over. This is a total of eight guests, basically none of whom ever comment on the tremendous amount of work I've put into decorating, setting a beautiful table or cooking. They come, they eat, they visit for a short while and they go. I clean up the mess and fall into bed exhausted. A week later, I spend three days packing everything up and we carry it all out to the garage where we store it until the next year.

This year, right before Thanksgiving (which my sister always hosts for all of us), I decided I was done. I told my kids on Thanksgiving that this year, I was going to cut way, way back on the decorating. We weren't going to have a formal dinner either. I'd make my sister's Cioppino and would serve it with French bread and a salad. I said that although I hoped everyone would pretty much be here at the same time, everyone didn't have to sit down at the table together. Some could eat while the others just visited, etc.

A couple of days ago, I talked to my son. He said, "Mom, Tommy (my daughter's significant other) and I have been talking. We really don't want to just have Cioppino. We want to have roast beef and Yorkshire pudding like we always do. We know you don't like to cook, though, and that it's stressful for you. How would you feel about all of us going to Tommy's and Brooke's place instead of your house? We love to cook, so it wouldn't be a big deal for us at all. All you'd have to do is show up."

At first it sounded good. I wouldn't have to do any of the work. I could just relax and enjoy the season. Today, however, a huge wave of depression hit me. For starters, I couldn't help but think that the sticking with the traditional Christmas dinner menu seems to be a bigger concern to my son than anything else. I actually thought they'd enjoy our doing Christmas a little differently from here on out -- but would still want to come over to our place.

My husband has been in the living room trying to get the lights on the tree working for about four hours now. (We got late start on the decorating this year, but I figured it wouldn't really matter since I wasn't going to do anywhere near as much as usual.) He is the most patient soul alive, but I'm really feeling sorry for him. After he gets the lights working (he's never had such a hard time with them), I'll decorate the tree and put out a few miscellaneous decorations. Over the years, I'm sure I have accumulated over $1000 worth of Christmas decorations and tree ornaments.

Then, no one except for the two of us will see any of it. I wonder why we're even doing it at all. It's so much work, but somehow Christmas without a tree and decorations just doesn't seem right. But this year, none of it seems right. We're killing ourselves for nothing. As I said, I am 68. He is 74. I don't think he cares whether we have a tree and decorations or not, but he is just so sweet and accommodating that he'd never complain. I am not looking forward to Christmas this year at all.

I know I can't possibly be the only person who has gone from loving Christmas to not even caring whether it happens or not, but this adjustment is turning out to be really, really hard on me. Can anybody give me any advice on how they coped with this change in their lives?

(Sorry this was so long. I guess it just felt good to vent.)

[elhelmete]

I'm 20 years younger than you and feel the same, although actual circumstances are different. Hang in there and embrace the change as best you can.

I have a theory/opinion on why this happens.

I believe family traditions need to 'turn over' generationally more frequently than they sometimes do. That helps ease any pain of the transition while the older generation is still relatively young and more emotionally flexible. IMHO, to hold up like you did for 46 years is amazing but I have to imagine it's contributing to the depth of the blues you're experiencing.

My wife's grandmother insisted on hosting exactly the same way for at least as long as you have and that's with NINE kids. (To be fair, there was a lot of cultural issues propping up the tradition too.) When grandma died the kids all scattered so fast the following year that nobody got together; they all very quickly settled into their own families which had been semi-neglected. I'm probably painting too broad of a brush, but I hope you get the point.

[Katzpur]

It occurred to me this morning that what the problem really is, is that I am absolutely dreading getting old. I don't worry about dying, but the idea of getting old terrifies me. My mother lived to 96, and the last thing in the world I want to do is follow in her footsteps. This very sudden change in the way I'm going to be celebrating my favorite holiday this year is just one huge bit of evidence to me that things are not what they used to be and are never what they used to be again.

[KathrynAragon]

Oh, Katz, what a well expressed and poignant post! I really feel for you! I have a similar story myself and this is how it played out this year:

I have four kids. I've always done Christmas up pretty largely. Christmas is always at my house - Thanksgiving rotates but THE BIG DAY is always at mine. My four adult kids and eight grandkids and one adult stepson are scattered across the globe but at least two of them always show up, and sometimes more than that. My elderly parents also are always present. Like you, I always do a HUGE Christmas dinner. It's not always the same thing but it always includes a big ham and lots of fancy desserts. The table is set very formally and we use antique family heirloom china. It's a big, big deal.

It takes me two days to decorate (I'm really fast though) and two days to "un" decorate. We usually have three trees - a "pretty" tree in the dining room, with color coordinated and elegant ornaments, a small tree in the living room with vintage and antique glass ornaments that I've collected over the years, and then the coup de grace - the huge "family" tree in the den with ornaments spanning back 60 or more years, handed down through the generations - every child and grandchild's "first Christmas" ornaments, other sentimental ornaments, and then the single ornament that I buy to mark every year.

We also have several very different Nativity sets - one adorable lit up one from my husband's childhood, one beautiful one that I've had for about 20 years, one very simple white bone china one from my grandmother, and a lead crystal set that's apparently very valuable that my mother in law collected for years.

We have a stairway that just lends itself to over the top decorating. We have a formal, ornate mantel that also just cries out for massive decorating. Believe me, like you, I go all out.

Well. My dad unexpectedly passed away in October. That was the first blow. Well, actually it was the second blow. The first blow was that my younger daughter got crunk about a lot of stuff - me included but not just me - over the summer. She is going through a very difficult time in her life - financially, in her marriage, etc - and is very unhappy and is lashing out at everyone. Not handling it very well at all and I can't help her because she's so ornery she is including me in her list of problems, since we encouraged her family to move to this area. What I did from my perspective was SUPPORT her decision to move here, and she would have told you that at the time too, but she hates her husband's work schedule and she hates east Texas and she hates her town and she hates her life and now she's got it twisted around that somehow that's all my fault so she's very angry toward me. And she is very jealous of anyone who is not suffering like she is. Seriously. So in other words, if you're not mishandling your finances, and if you're not unhappy, and if you aren't living in a strained marriage, then she really doesn't want to hear any platitudes from you.

She got so crunk that she included ignoring my parents and withdrawing her attention from them for about 4 months over the summer and fall. And then my dad got suddenly sick, and suddenly died, and now she is consumed with guilt and grief. She was very close to my dad especially. He was a very loving grandfather and all the kids miss him a lot.

My mother has mild dementia and is in a generally frail state. My dad was her caregiver. She cannot live alone. She is unable to drive. So she had to be moved to an assisted living facility. Guess who did that? Yep. I was my dad's POA, had to stay up at the hospital with him for a week, had to choose to have him removed from life support, had to deal with the thousands of phone calls, emails, texts, etc from extended family that entire time, then had family come stay with me to attend the funeral, had to plan the funeral, yada yada yada.

Then came Thanksgiving. This year it was supposed to be at my house. We had a lot of family in. Of course six of them were at my house! But that was OK. I was tired but I had a lot of help getting Thanksgiving ready so it wasn't so hard. But...my husband was very sick with some sort of bronchitis bug. That added stress.

Then my youngest daughter showed up and actually had a blow up/melt down right before Thanksgiving dinner - in a house full of company. DRAMA. Bluntly put and without too much detail, she single handedly ruined the day for everyone. Very awkward and unpleasant.

My son in law came through though and while I was spending hours trying to talk my daughter through her angst, he snuck into the kitchen and cleaned up EVERYTHING. Wow.

My oldest daughter and her kids helped me put up Christmas stuff the next day. We put out about half of what I normally put out - and it looks wonderful. I love it and will probably just chunk the rest of the stuff.

One thing we didn't put up was the huge family heirloom ornament tree. I didn't even open those boxes of ornaments. And you know what - more on this later, but that was a great choice and I'm so glad that tree isn't up.

Anyway, that fiasco was over, and then - this had been planned for months now - my son and his Korean wife came in from Guam to spend two weeks here. I make a deal about her being Korean simply because she doesn't speak much English, so it's stressful to try to communicate with her, though she is a real sweetie. Anyway, my son had not been able to come to the funeral - or really deal with his grandfather's death, which didn't seem real to him till he got here. Long story short, he was a butt - very argumentative and wound up really tight. To top it all off, I came down with whatever my husband had, and got sick with a hacking, horrible cough - and even lost my voice completely. I was so worn out and worn down that I eventually had to go to the doctor, who looked at me with alarm and gave me all sorts of meds and admonished me to go home, go to bed, and do nothing for the next few days. I was so worried about my son and his wife catching what I had, and to be honest, I wasn't enjoying them and I'm pretty sure they weren't enjoying me, so I encouraged them to do what the wife wanted to do anyway, which was change their tickets (under $1000 to do so) to go to Korea and spend some time with her family before heading back home to Guam. What he did was head out to my toxic daughter's house for a few days and then I think they are going on to Korea.

To be honest, I'm so sick, and so tired, and so emotionally spent, that I don't care what they do as long as they don't do it at my house.

My dad's death apparently brought out the very worst in two of my kids. It didn't bring out the worst in me, or my husband, or my mother, or one of my two brothers - the people who matter the most to me in this situation. (I have a mentally ill brother who reacts poorly to everything, so his bizarre behavior in this regard is no surprise.) My mom has been a real trooper. My husband has been very sweetly supportive - and a help now that he's well and I'm sick. My oldest brother has been a huge help, to the point of taking leave and coming down and spending nearly two weeks helping my mom move, and helping me (till I absolutely cratered) clean up her house to get it ready for an estate sale. My oldest daughter has been a huge positive emotionally, and her family has been all lift and no drag. (Of course this infuriates her younger sister but too bad.)

I am so sick of my side of the family and their drama that my husband and I made Christmas plans that don't include them at all. Well, a little bit - we're going to fly up to Ohio to see my oldest daughter and her family before Christmas for a couple of days, and take the grandkids Christmas shopping. Then home for a week of quiet and hanging out to do whatever we want to do together - which may be nothing - and then we are going to make the short drive to Fort Worth to spend a very small, very quiet Christmas with two adults who have no kids - my brother in law and his wife. We may do something even more "unheard of" - we may go out for Christmas dinner!

I ended up losing my voice completely, and now - get this - I have unexpected total peace. No house guests (no one wants this mess I got, which is apparently very contagious). My husband is out of town for a few more days working. My house is decorated for Christmas, but in a bit more subdued manner - and I like it. I have no Advent wreath out (something I always did with my kids). I have no "family tree" up - and I like it.

I will serve no big Christmas dinner - and I'm glad. I will not make cookies on Christmas eve with my grandkids - and that could potentially be sad, but I am looking forward to cuddling up on Christmas eve with my husband, who has missed the past four Christmases in a row, and that should be just as good and maybe better!

It will be a very different Christmas this year and I realized yesterday that I'm good with that. Another thing I realized is that decorating the house is something I will probably always do, in varying degrees, because I realized suddenly that I don't "do Christmas" just for others - I love Christmas because it's Christmas. It's not even about family, or kids, or all those entities that everyone says it's for. For me, Christmas is about celebrating the birth of the Christ Child. For me, it's about honoring the heritage I have - of Christmas, of Yuletide, marking the passing of one season to the next, the lights representing hope for our future, the beautiful music honoring this season (I'm pretty particular about Christmas music and veer toward folk music and classical or ancient music of European/British origin).

I thought I would be sad and blue - missing my dad, thinking of big, boisterous Christmases past - and with a big jolt of surprise, I realized last night that I'm not sad and blue. Nostalgic - yes. Sentimental - yes. But life changes. It moves forward. It's up to us to either accept it and live it fully, or fight the change and grieve over it.

I choose life. (And not like Ewan McGregor in "Trainspotting!")

[Katzpur]

Hi, Kathryn! It's so good to hear from you again. (I miss you over on RF .) You can't believe how much your post helped me. Seriously, it did. I think that just knowing that others have experienced this sudden kind of disruption to previously perfect Christmas is helpful.

My kids (especially my daughter) have always told me I overdo it on the decorating, and we just have two trees -- not three! My son kind of kids me about it, but my daughter, though she does it in a kidding manner, manages to make it feel like criticism. Like your one daughter, she's in a less than optimal place in life right now and just isn't happy. And let me tell you, if Brooke's not happy, ain't nobody happy! I am on edge every time I'm with her, walking on eggshells and hoping I don't say something to set her off. She's really private, and is offended if I ask about her health, her relationship with her significant other, or her job. We can talk about fashion, make-up, movies and books, but not about anything that really matters. At Christmas, it's even worse, because she is a wonderful cook and a very capable hostess. She waltzes into my kitchen and pretty much takes over, making me feel so inadequate in the process.

I think that with me, these Christmas blues stem partly from the fact that the change happened so suddenly. I thought I could coast smoothly from the huge holiday celebration we've always had to still having it at my house, just on a simpler basis. As things are working out, though, everything is coming to a screeching halt instead. I actually almost feel as if someone has died -- and no one has! Right now, I'm in a place where I don't feel like decorating because it's a lot of work and nobody's going to even see it. But if I don't decorate some, it won't feel like Christmas at all. I have always liked Christmas for pretty much all of the same reasons you do. It's so hard to just say, "Okay, that's part of my past."

The one thing that really helps me is thinking about my awesome, awesome mother. She lived to be 96 and was always the most upbeat person imaginable. She aged so graciously and gracefully. I want to be just like her, but I'm afraid I'm just not her. People talk about "putting their mother in a home." I never had to do that. My dad died in 1993, when my mom was 80. She stayed in their house another nine years, until she was 89. Then, one day she told me and my sister, "The house is too big. I need to move. Could you help me find an independent living facility for seniors? I'll sell the house and keep what I need to move into a smaller place. You girls can take anything you want, and I'll get someone to come in and have an estate sell to get rid of the rest." She adapted to change so well! I suck at it and I wouldn't be surprised if I live another 30 years. I've just got to learn how to grow old because there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening.

Thanks again for your words of encouragement. They really did help.

Signed -- the "real" Kathryn.

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by Katzpur

Hi, Kathryn! It's so good to hear from you again. (I miss you over on RF .) You can't believe how much your post helped me. Seriously, it did. I think that just knowing that others have experienced this sudden kind of disruption to previously perfect Christmas is helpful.

My kids (especially my daughter) have always told me I overdo it on the decorating, and we just have two trees -- not three! My son kind of kids me about it, but my daughter, though she does it in a kidding manner, manages to make it feel like criticism. Like your one daughter, she's in a less than optimal place in life right now and just isn't happy. And let me tell you, if Brooke's not happy, ain't nobody happy! I am on edge every time I'm with her, walking on eggshells and hoping I don't say something to set her off. She's really private, and is offended if I ask about her health, her relationship with her significant other, or her job. We can talk about fashion, make-up, movies and books, but not about anything that really matters. At Christmas, it's even worse, because she is a wonderful cook and a very capable hostess. She waltzes into my kitchen and pretty much takes over, making me feel so inadequate in the process.

I think that with me, these Christmas blues stem partly from the fact that the change happened so suddenly. I thought I could coast smoothly from the huge holiday celebration we've always had to still having it at my house, just on a simpler basis. As things are working out, though, everything is coming to a screeching halt instead. I actually almost feel as if someone has died -- and no one has! Right now, I'm in a place where I don't feel like decorating because it's a lot of work and nobody's going to even see it. But if I don't decorate some, it won't feel like Christmas at all. I have always liked Christmas for pretty much all of the same reasons you do. It's so hard to just say, "Okay, that's part of my past."

The one thing that really helps me is thinking about my awesome, awesome mother. She lived to be 96 and was always the most upbeat person imaginable. She aged so graciously and gracefully. I want to be just like her, but I'm afraid I'm just not her. People talk about "putting their mother in a home." I never had to do that. My dad died in 1993, when my mom was 80. She stayed in their house another nine years, until she was 89. Then, one day she told me and my sister, "The house is too big. I need to move. Could you help me find an independent living facility for seniors? I'll sell the house and keep what I need to move into a smaller place. You girls can take anything you want, and I'll get someone to come in and have an estate sell to get rid of the rest." She adapted to change so well! I suck at it and I wouldn't be surprised if I live another 30 years. I've just got to learn how to grow old because there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening.

Thanks again for your words of encouragement. They really did help.

Signed -- the "real" Kathryn.

Aw, Katz! It's great to talk with you again! I'm reading and rereading your posts on this and WOW can I ever relate. Though the actual details differ somewhat in our families, the emotions coincide very succinctly. When you described walking on eggshells around your daughter, I had to reread that part a few times because that's exactly how I feel around my youngest daughter. It's so stressful!

In my family, I am "the hostess." Or rather, I was. Not sure if everyone really grasps it yet, or if they even care, but I decided and I mean it - I will never be the default hostess again. I'm not saying that I will never host another Christmas or Thanksgiving at my house ever again, but I'm giving it a break for a while - as in a long while - as in maybe forever.

Like you, I am so tired of putting all that effort into it and feeling at best like it's taken for granted, and at worst feeling negativity and criticism from people who are GUESTS IN MY OWN HOME. Take that damn negativity and crunk attitude SOMEWHERE ELSE. Keep it out of my home. That's how I feel.

You know what - we're really dealing with two separate issues here. Holidays, and family ingratitude and orneriness. We need to separate the two and build up holiday traditions that really honor the holidays themselves - and our very small place in a very big world chock full of other people celebrating the same holidays in their own ways. If family members add to that sense of celebration and joy, then they're welcome. If not, they're not welcome. Period. Contrary to what they may think, these holidays are not for them and don't revolve around them.

As for family ingratitude and orneriness - maybe we have some fault in that and maybe we don't, but one sure way to separate the wheat from the chaff is to bow out and let them sort it out themselves. These are not "our" holidays - they are "the" holidays. I plan to take my hands off them, bow out, and let others do what they please - on their own. Who knows - they may love it. They may forge their own traditions. They may revel in their own friends and various family members. They may or may not miss me. But my point is that I'm leaving them to figure it out themselves, and meanwhile, I'm going to celebrate the holidays for what they are for - being grateful, appreciating what I have, thanking God for His blessings in my life and in this big, wide world, looking forward to the new year and whatever it holds, knowing that all things work together for good, for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose, as Romans 8:28 tells me.

God has a plan for our lives and His grace is abundant. He knows every hair on our heads and cares about every moment in our lives. He knows the day of our birth and the day of our death.

I don't know about you, but I can attest to this - during times in my life when I've lost the most, my relationship with God has grown the most - and every single time, I've come out of that season of loss a better person, with a clearer perspective of what's really important.

Losing things, losing people, losing relationships or watching them turn into something we never expected is always hard. There's no minimizing that difficulty. But it doesn't have to be tragic.

You know, I got so down through all this that I got sick as a dog with a terrible, hacking bronchitis - and then laryngitis. I literally have zero voice. I can only talk in a whisper and even that is a chore. It is abundantly clear to anyone that I am a very sick person (temporarily) and my cough is so severe that it would run anyone off. Should be bad, right?

But here's the funny part: My husband is working out of state till next week, so he's not around, and that's a good thing because all I want to do is drink hot tea and read and sit around on line doing what I'm doing now, in my jammies. If he were here, I'd be tempted to talk and wreak further havoc on my voice. Since I got so sick, my house cleared out completely of all ornery and difficult houseguests as well - and I have the perfect excuse for getting rid of everyone without saying, "I want you to leave because you are stressing me out," which is just as true as "I am so sick I can't have company." And finally, though I was very helpful and a veritable work horse when we moved my mom into her facility and began cleaning her house up, I got so sick so fast that my brother ended up doing a lot of the grunt work himself - cleaning out her fridge, pantry, washing linens, cleaning out closets and much of the garage. If I hadn't been sick, I'd have been still in the middle of all that - now it's nearly completely done.

My mom is very happily settled in her new place, which is lovely. My younger daughter is going to pick her up on Christmas day and have her spend that day with four of the great grand kids, so she'll be happy and I don't have to worry about her. Meanwhile, prior to getting so sick, I had the chance to get the financial and estate stuff moving right along and working smoothly, so no worries there.

So get this - I am GRATEFUL that I'm so sick. And the funny truth is, I don't even feel all that bad now. I mean, I am still coughing and still have no voice, but I've been getting plenty of rest and my house is so peaceful and pleasant and quiet that I'm getting exactly what I need - WHAT I NEED instead of reacting to what I think everyone else needs. IT'S GREAT. I even found the perfect mixture of prescription and over the counter drugs that allow me to sleep for about 10 hours at a time with barely a cough at all at night!!!!!! If I felt 100 percent physically, I'd be in hog heaven. As it is, it's not all that bad and it's probably exactly what I need to be doing.

Just got a book from Amazon about one of my favorite topics - London. This one is a history of night time walking in London - an activity that many people over the centuries have written about. Isn't that odd? Anyway, I've got plenty of hot tea and now I've got a good book, and a fire in the fireplace, and Christmas incense going, and baby it's cold outside so I am in, in, in and happy to be in.

Alone.

I love it.

Sometimes we just have to let go and allow ourselves to experience something new - and we may like it! If you had told me a year ago that I would be enjoying a nearly solitary Christmas season - that I would be looking forward to no big meal, no Christmas Eve traditions, no house full of family, no Christmas parties, I would have scoffed at the idea and probably reacted with horror.

And yet here I am, and there are lots and lots of positives about it.

Like you, my mom is inspirational to me in many ways. She has handled my dad's death and her subsequent move to an assisted living facility with grace and gratitude. My life hasn't changed like her life has - and yet, she's upbeat, and interested in her new surroundings, new friends, new lifestyle, etc. She's 77 and has a lot of health problems and is frail and doesn't have a lot of energy - and she has mild dementia which complicates her life as well. And yet, she's upbeat and positive. Her biggest worry right now is fretting over my health - but I think I've got her calmed down about that. Anyway, if she can face this season with grace and gratitude, I certainly can.

[Dude111]

I feel the same as alot of members on this thread!!

Christmas is not what it used to be to me.... It used to be beautiful piney smelling trees,gorgeous coloured lights,beautiful music,beautiful decorations and now (to me anyway) its all garbage......... Not pleasing @ all................. Bland and gross.....

I dont care for christmas time like I did in the 80s......

[Sand&Salt]

It's so overdone, we avoid it altogether unless some relative invites us. Saves a lot of $$$.


Historical significance, yes. Otherwise, forget it.

[Nefret]

I told my daughter last Christmas that I was ready to turn it all over to the younger generation. Now, as the time approaches, I do have mixed feelings. But it will be nice to sit down to dinner without being too tired to eat. Not saying that I will never do Christmas again, but I'm ready for a break.

I really don't want to bother with a tree but will do that---of course it will be a real tree ---gotta support the local economy, our state being a big producer of Christmas trees---but it will be a small one---not our usual 10 footer. Other than wreaths on the front door and lights in the windows, I'm not doing any other decorations.

We've always gone big on gifts too with money, gift cards, and lots of packages to unwrap. This year, it's just going to be money coming from us. I remember not caring for the "passing out of envelopes" that went on at my in-laws every Christmas and now, here we are doing the same.

As we grow older, we do enter into different phases of our lives, and sometimes it is hard to face this. However, I will concentrate on the positive---the biggie being the relief from the stress of it all.

[elhelmete]

Some good, poignant stuff here.

I'll just state my belief again that embracing change, and letting traditions morph as the years go by is healthy. If you wait too long, resentment and hard feelings can build up.