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I have been coming to terms with how Trump’s election has affected me. There are some subtle and not so subtle behavior changes I have had in the past 18 months. (Late 30s black female who grew up in white-majority suburbia)
I am struggling to read books - especially non-fiction which is where I have put my energy in. Want to avoid potential distress.
I am a pretty social person and get along with most people pretty easily. I tend to go to a good number of social and networking events. People connect with me easily and I almost always leave with a few new acquaintances.
I have a mixed (in ethnicity) group of friends, but most of my closest friends are Black and Asian.
I have noticed, that while in the past I may have talked to anyone who looks friendly, now I am seeking out mostly black people or other people of color. I am not really getting the contact info for any white people I may meet.
I am not really cultivating friendships with net new white people. In my brain it feels risky. I just don’t know where they may stand, or if they will cause microaggresssions. And it all feels a lot less comfortable than it used to feel. Even in the so-called progressive Bay Area.
And I’m not the only one. It seems like this is a common sentiment among other people of color I know (all of them). Everyone is sharing weird incidents they are having. Or we are talking about the latest incident of racial profiling, or police getting called for nonsense.
We just have a lot more worry about how people will react to us with all of this overt racism, discrimination and prejudice. It is really sad. I’m not seeing how to bridge the gap anytime soon, it just causes some low level permanent stress that I didn’t used to feel.
I met someone recently and he has it worse than me, he actively is avoiding socializing in settings with mostly white crowds. Preferring to stay home or only go out with people he knows.
FWIW, I'm Swedish (read TALL, angular) with a black ancestor c. 1800. I really didn't know this until I had a DNA test a few years ago. To substantiate it, I got over 30 PMs from third and mostly 4th cousins, black Americans from Louisiana and Arkansas. I'm very proud of it. Though my immediate ancestors hid the truth, they had good reason. Being black is dangerous, in this country and I assume elsewhere as well. It can get you killed.
Since I was a little kid I was pretty disgusted with racism, especially by folks who talked about God and Jesus. It seemed contradictory to me, and I was assertive and obnoxious about it. I associate racism with stupidity, and lack of both empathy and aesthetic appreciate of beauty.
Trump, IMO, has opened the doors to all this stuff. As a business owner, I felt nothing but dismay, reading his "books" all those many years ago. Books which he obviously didn't write, himself, full of platitudes and inaccuracies. He has no taste, for one thing, and a host of psychological problems.
I think I can understand what your concerns are, OP, and I share them.
Sometimes I think the new American sport is politics. People plan their whole lives around their team. It's not a lifestyle I'm comfortable with but I've made some changes, too. I care about principles and direction but I can participate best by examples in my own private life. That's the only area where I feel I can make any change at all.
What people believe has never been a factor in choosing friends. I don't care what their ideology is. If their beliefs affect their behavior in what I see as negative ways that's where I will draw the line. Otherwise my friendships are very eclectic. I don't want to live in an echo chamber.
But I understand what you are saying, OP, about becoming more cautious about being hurt. The concern has been mostly emotional and color of skin is not the driving issue for me. Instead it's the atmosphere of anger and the rude behavior which has negatively affected me.
I remain inviting about my friendship but some of my friends haven't. I've also changed my habits as far as what I read, listen to and watch. All the turmoil and propaganda were causing me difficulty in maintaining peace of mind.
We're in flux. And whenever change is taking place groups of people respond in unpleasant ways. I try not to let it affect the person I work to be.
I never forgot Muhammad Ali’s interview back in 71.
“In the clip, Ali responds to the reaction he received to his discussions of racism - "not all white people" – with a perfect explanation for why the existence of some "good" white people was inadequate.” https://www.independent.co.uk/news/p...-a7067656.html
I hate to hear that you are feeling this anxiety, but I think it's good that you shared it because people need to know this kind of thing is happening.
Somehow in the past year I have become friends with more black people than I have in years, but I do always feel a wariness, like I am concerned about saying or doing something that would be offensive.
Even if there's nothing controversial being talked about ! lol
This climate is really really unfortunate but in a way I guess it's good that it's happening because we are all being educated. Even though I went to a predominantly black middle school, for example, I never knew about "the talk" etc.
I definitely understand why you would want to go into a protective mode.
Jade - Oh my, here's the primary problem. You are allowing politicians, phony race-baiters and THE MEDIA to own what you believe. Yes, it's true.
Those 3 groups all have self-serving reasons for trying to exaggerate a variety of issues, including race relations. Millions of Americans, including me, abhor what they are doing and you should too. The majority of what exists between races in the actual life of America is fine.
If you're going to be a honest person, you'll openly recognize that our last President was the one who intensely stirred the racial pot and took the enormous progress this country has made back 20 years, at least. Things were continuously improving until he and his Party decided to conflate molehills into mountains for political purposes.
Honestly, turn off the TV, change the radio station when some idiot (with an agenda) comes on yabbering about some exaggerated atrocity. Stop reading websites that promote the same discord; all they want are your eyes and clicks (to monetize) and your emotions to keep you hooked and coming back to click some more. The truth ranks a distant second or third place of their goals.
Do this instead: pay closer attention to people in everyday life and push yourself to talk to all kinds of people at events you attend. You will find that what you see and experience to mostly not match what the politicians and media are trying to make people believe. Lastly, has it occurred to you that white people might feel a deep hesitancy, and you're picking up on that, because they fear the very stuff you're saying? That they will be accused of things they have not said, done or believe -- because this country has been partially conditioned to think that whatever a white person is accused of, they must be guilty of?
You're probably right, OP. I'd have cried "nonsense" some years earlier, but enough remark on it that from my perspective (White male, affluent area, upper middle class) it is happening.
In a nutshell, "I think" that White people are getting subtly and not so subtly P.O.'d by cultural acceptance and normalization of behavior that continues the downward *economic* spiral of minorities. Which leads to anger, and what you call micro aggressions, which are probably real and small manifestations of some kind of treating others differently due to race. Which leads to alienation between Whites and minorities, the bad old days. Many Whites were alienated by the snide comments, policies, and edicts from the intellectual but deeply disturbing prior Administration, with his corrupt AG's and...never mind, that's for the other forum.
There are a couple great videos, and articles, written by Liberal-leaners and intellectuals as to why Trump was voted in that seem to make sense: backlash, perhaps. It wasn't all wackos on the right, though they do exist. I mix enough on other boards to see them, though trust me the more sensible try and shut them down quickly as possible. No room for that in sensible dialog on either side, really. It's bad enough here, on a moderate forum.
Quick thoughts. Here's hoping to more centrists in office, moving forward, if we tack back that way nationally. Tipping one way or another will not help, only make it worse.
Personally, I think a lot of this racism stuff about Trump is overblown. I stumbled across this video by Lynn Patton, a black woman who works in the Trump organization, when Trump was running. Yes, she’s real, I looked up her professional resume. What she said had an impact on me.
I think Morgan Freeman had it right when Mike Wallace asked him how do you defeat racism. Freeman’s answer was simple but made sense to me, “Quit talking about it.” People who are concerned about other people’s race, IMO, simply don’t have enough to do. Racism is a waste of time, energy and one’s life.
Mr Freeman is a very astute person. I don't think the current political climate has really changed the way I relate to individual people, but then the political stew du jour has never really driven my behavior that much. Always been sort of outside the focus group so to speak. Most of the stuff and what the media chooses to cherry pick out of it is sensationalism, pot stirring, poking the proverbial stick at the bull, picking at scabs, a thin skin on top of devious self-service and I despise it. Doesn't matter which side it comes at me from either.
The first time I became aware of discriminatory behavior was at a childhood swimming class. I was friendly with the only other girl in our class who happened to be black. I noticed the teacher treated her more harshly than the rest of us and asked my mother why. She tried to explain; difficult, because she wouldn't do such a thing. I decided the teacher was an idiot and that's been my opinion of anyone who compartmentalizes humans because of their "race" (however you want to define it) ever since.
Last edited by Parnassia; 05-20-2018 at 03:48 PM..
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