Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I strongly suspect that I have suffered from abuse by a covert narcissist and his enablers. The words they have said to me have deeply hurt me. The covert narcissist I dealt with tried to convince other people that I'm crazy. He would frequently say things like "it's not that I don't like you, or that you're crazy, I just don't like how your mind interprets things." He would constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY, tell me that I misinterpret everything he says and does. And eventually, when I tried to quietly leave him and the group of friends, one of the enablers publicly called me out in a chat of 20+ people, and while trying to be "caring," he told me that I need therapy "for the way [my] mind interprets things." You're basically telling me that my brain is wired in a way that I am delusional and my reality is distorted and that everything my brain suggests is wrong. How could you do that to someone?
And since then, I have not gone to a therapist. Even though I do need one for this PTSD, for my massive anxiety, my social anxiety and phobia, my depression... etc. etc. Because in my mind, if I see a therapist, that means they were right. That I'm crazy.
OP, getting help for your PTSD (undoubtedly related to your anxiety, btw) doesn't mean those other people were right. Forget about them. Do what you need to do to get healing. Google psychologists in your area who specialize in PTSD, and who say they use a technique called EMDR. It's very effective, and when administered properly, provides a level of immediate relief of symptoms. Don't let others influence you, about doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. Don't get caught up in those scenarios. Withdraw from their company for awhile, and focus on taking care of yourself. Please. You deserve to feel better. You deserve to heal.
he told me that I need therapy "for the way [my] mind interprets things." You're basically telling me that my brain is wired in a way that I am delusional and my reality is distorted and that everything my brain suggests is wrong. How could you do that to someone?
is your anxiety talking, and that line of thinking is actually proving his point. OP, you've been on this board saying that you're overwhelmed by your workload at school, that you hide in the restroom to avoid talking to people, that you can't make eye contact with guys you like. Your friends and acquaintances can see this behavior, as well, and suggesting that you get therapy for it is not an insult.
I know I need to see one, but not because my brain is wired in a way where I misinterpret everything someone says and does. I need to see one for my massive anxiety. There was a point where I was going crazy from the mental abuse I was undergoing but I'm past that.
You aren't far enough past it.
Since you began posting here, many of us have begged you to stay away from these "friends" and to get help.
And yet, you have tons of people telling you that you tend to misinterpret what they are trying to tell you.
Are you right and they are all wrong?
That's not very logical. People hardly ever agree with each other to that extent, unless there is undeniable truth in it.
You are not the sole possessor of the facts, only your own perceptions, and they are clouded by the illnesses you claim.
Not sure why you're being unnecessarily hostile towards me.
First of all, the person I dealt with is known to be abusive by the people he has romantic ties with. I have seen how he interacted with his ex and whatnot and it's the same-- gas lighting, crazy-making, constant lies, extreme manipulation. Manipulative people also use their closest allies to do a lot of dirty work for them because they fall for the manipulator's victim cries.
It is also very telling that the first time I confronted the manipulator about his behavior, he asked me why I did, because "it's like the victim running to the perpetrator." lol
Secondly, I am very self-aware. I am aware of any times I've been toxic to others (back when I was more co-dependent than I am now). I am constantly on a journey of self-improvement.
These are also the same "friends" who did not defend me when I was verbally attacked when someone in the group found out I was gay. The homophobic "friend" told me that I need therapy because I'm apparently not gay lol. This friend continued to harass me and make demeaning marks towards me and would also loudly bash gay people. And then they told me that this friend "just wants what's best for you." Maybe that's technically true, but they shouldn't enable his ignorant beliefs.
I would also open my home to these people, pretty much every weekend. I always wanted them to have fun at my house.
Ultimately they are NOT good friends because they are fairly addicted to drama. After I left the group I would find out (without asking anyone) that people are being temporarily banned from so and so's house for x reason, that these 3 people are no longer talking to x person for x reason, so on and so forth. Even whilst I was friends with them it was a lot of gossip. Definitely not the friends I want in my life. And ever since cutting ties, even though I'm not mentally in the best place right now, I am 4938398439849x better than I was while I was still with them.
What caused the friendship to sever was the severe abuse I endured from this manipulative guy, along with me being gay and some of the guys in the group being homophobic. NOT because I apparently misinterpret everything. I am very aware of how I treat others, and I immediately feel bad if I ever make someone uncomfortable or if I accidentally hurt their feelings. I'm not the type of person that would "lead someone to kill themselves." Nor am I a perpetual victim like malignant narcissists-- I just need some help to increase my super low confidence (which is tied into my anxiety, depression, etc.).
And, I got some therapy today at my school. Good first step.
What I am gettng is that you experienced some passive aggressive or actively hostile behavior toward you, and then others told you you misinterpreted. Correct?
I am glad you are getting therapy now. Your former friends sound toxic.
Is there a gay social group on campus? Or some other LBG group where you can find friends. I do not advocate limiting friends to one subset of people, but now it seems to me that you need a safe social space. I hope you find it.
There is therapy specally tailored to training you out of faulty cognition and destructive thought patterns.
It's just behavior. It can be changed.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Which I find to be annoying. But I had a therapist do it to me against my will w/o my knowing. He's GOOD.
I came out of a hyper-critical family and to this day one Aunt does that thing of making me question reality. It's on purpose, although I wouldn't go so far as to say she is intentionally gas-lighting me to be malicious. Her behavior stems from combating narcissistic, manipulative people in HER life, making that verbal combat her default mode to everyone, which turned her into one.
I think therapy is better than turning dysfunctional oneself.
ETA: dysfunctional behavior begins as FUNCTIONAL behavior to a dis-ordered environment, so it's not anything bad against the person who develops it. Our brains do the right thing by adapting to the bad environment, but to be healthy we have to learn new ways.
I just need some help to increase my super low confidence (which is tied into my anxiety, depression, etc.).
And, I got some therapy today at my school. Good first step.
To build self-confidence you need to build competency on dealing with people. Sometimes it does require strategies or processes that allow you to understand what is happening.
First of all, if a person is truly trying to help you, then they would recognize when they have hurt your feelings and back off. They don't have to apologize if they truly felt they meant no harm but they do need to stop.
Next, you may need to learn about what to say to people in general, not just friends but also family. Think to yourself, is what I am about to say in another person's interest to know. If you are sharing personal details because you think that is how people get to know you, that is only in your self interest. Make sure the other person benefits from your details.
Finally, take responsibility for being around people who "attack" you. Walk away or develop a thicker skin, take back any words that escalated the problem.
Status:
"Moldy Tater Gangrene, even before Moscow Marge."
(set 2 days ago)
Location: Dallas, TX
5,790 posts, read 3,600,682 times
Reputation: 5697
Quote:
Originally Posted by heythere999
I strongly suspect that I have suffered from abuse by a covert narcissist and his enablers. The words they have said to me have deeply hurt me. The covert narcissist I dealt with tried to convince other people that I'm crazy. He would frequently say things like "it's not that I don't like you, or that you're crazy, I just don't like how your mind interprets things." He would constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY, tell me that I misinterpret everything he says and does. And eventually, when I tried to quietly leave him and the group of friends, one of the enablers publicly called me out in a chat of 20+ people, and while trying to be "caring," he told me that I need therapy "for the way [my] mind interprets things." You're basically telling me that my brain is wired in a way that I am delusional and my reality is distorted and that everything my brain suggests is wrong. How could you do that to someone?
And since then, I have not gone to a therapist. Even though I do need one for this PTSD, for my massive anxiety, my social anxiety and phobia, my depression... etc. etc. Because in my mind, if I see a therapist, that means they were right. That I'm crazy.
"I don't like how your mind interprets things". The one bashing you has the problem. Lots of people's minds interpret things differently, but that doesn't mean they deserve to be demeaned or degraded. Even if the person is constantly misinterpreting what I'm saying, that doesn't prove their whole personhood deserves demoting simply because they constantly misinterpret - much less do I have the right, as a nonprofessional, to suggest they need therapy. BTW, if you can prove they did say that, then you may consider legal options, like suing them for slander.
As for needing to see a therapist, there's no shame in it. That's just bigotry against the mentally ill right there. It's just another social evil society needs to push back against. The only reason to scorn someone is if they consciously and deliberately set out to hurt or demean others outside the scope of defense of self or others.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
