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Echoing what another poster said on this thread, I have thought about the fact that once we have a kid, our friends' and siblings' kids will be too old to play with him or her.
Your kids will have peers to play with no matter what. My kids (age 2 and five months) have no cousins at all on one side, and seven between the ages of 2-10 on the other, but they all lI've 600+ miles away. We don't have many friends with kids. My kids' peers are from the activities we involve them in, and will ultimately be from the activities they involve themselves in.
I grew up with supposed "built-in" friends, kids of my parents' friends who were around my age. In very few of these instances were these other kids people I'D actually have chosen to be friends with, or they I. Being the same age as somebody doesn't = automatic friendship.
She said she'll be ready in the next year or so. That's not long at all! Just let her know you're ready when she is.
The OP has posted thread after thread where he has been critical or at least questioning of his wife. This leads me to think he's not committed to the marriage at the deepest levels. While that may not be long, I could see them messing around for a few more years until it's a real problem.
It always puzzles me why people compare themselves to others ... . I couldn't give two damns what my friends are doing and how many kids they are having...I have my life and they have theirs!
I live for myself. If society, my social circle, my family looks down on me, it is their problem not mine! But again I have always been a rebel since I was a kid...soooo .
I've always been one to not rock the boat and fill others' expectations (real or imagined), so I admire that type of rebel spirit, hellomoon. Good for you!!!!
If you feel like you aren't keeping up and are falling behind because you don't have kids, what about if/when you do have kids and you or the kids can't keep up with what others are doing? There has been so much written about the pressure of women to be perfect moms and how guilty they feel just for biological "failings" like not being able to give birth naturally or breast feed. And it goes on and on. You can feel like you are doing as much as humanly possible for your kid(s), but then there will always be the other parent(s) who chauffeur their kids around even more, sell more Girl Scout cookies, contribute more time to the PTA. Won't you feel like you are falling behind if your child(ren) don't "keep up" with other kids in terms of grades, friends, sports, etc.? There's no guarantee that they will.
And I agree with TabulaRosa---kids can be just fine without being furnished ready-made siblings and "friends" via the kids of your friends and relatives. Just because parents are friends with each other doesn't mean their kids will automatically befriend each other.
My wife and I have been together for almost 13 years (married for nearly 4 of those). Many of the couples we know who have had children haven't been together even half that long. Makes me feel like we're lagging to some degree.
Let her go rather than forcing her to have children she may not want. You're already blaming her, you want her to produce so you look good. Let her go if you're not willing to even give her the time she needs to get her blood pressure down first without giving her a hard time about hurrying to make babies. You don't love her if you would put her life on the line that way in order to keep up with the Jonses. You need to let her go.
It always puzzles me why people compare themselves to others ... . I couldn't give two damns what my friends are doing and how many kids they are having...I have my life and they have theirs!
I live for myself. If society, my social circle, my family looks down on me, it is their problem not mine! But again I have always been a rebel since I was a kid...soooo .
I think it has a lot to do with whether or not you have a really solid vision on what you want for your own life, your own idea of when, and when you're pretty confident in knowing yourself and in your choices.
Some people are more ambivalent, by nature, and since they haven't formed a super solid idea of their wants and goals, they take in more input from the world around them, and are more apt to adopt what they see others doing. Others have pretty firm idea of what they want from early on, and don't waver from it based on what they see going on with others.
I don't even think it takes being a rebel. Just very confident in the path you are choosing.
My wife and I are both 32. In the last two or three years, most of our married friends and acquaintances (all of whom are around our age) have had kids.
It's left me feeling as if we're falling a little behind.
Greetings from your polar opposite. My casual perspective:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12
I know that people have their own lives and I shouldn't care about what others are doing. It's just hard when you get invited to family get-togethers where you're the only child-free couple and are asked if children are on the horizon.
It's harder to be invited to family get-togethers yet never get to actually interact with your family because:
Your in a bedroom breastfeeding. Changing diapers. Doing the "walk-the-babywalk-the-babywalk-the-baby". Chasing toddlers through an un-baby-proofed house with 10 million knick-knacks, exercise equipment, home theatres, huge potted plant/trees, aquariums, 4 flights of stairs, 3 dogs, 2 litter boxes ... out the door into the unfenced backyard with a deck with 4 flights of stairs, ponds, waterfalls, hot-tubs ...Time to Eat!:
Fix their plates. Cut the meat. Pour their drinks; 10 one-half filled cups of lemonade per every bite taken (so you can stop 10 times on drive home for potty). No peas touching the mashed potatoes. No gravy ever. No yams ever. No stuffing ever. In fact; just skip the entire meal altogether & hand them a tub of Cool-Whip. The obligatory dumped plate. Obligatory "fed-it-to-the-dog", Obligatory spilled drink. Obligatory puking child. Obligatory puking dog.
Instead of being asked if "Children are on the horizon"? Get asked about 20 times if "Hey; have you figured out what causes that (pointing to baby bump) yet? Ha, ha, ha ...!" Endure comments about "Is there something in the water? & Watermelon seeds.
Script a response implicating Immaculate Conception & let it go.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12
OP here.
I know this "Keeping up with the Joneses" mentality is idiotic.
I often fret when I see people try to buy the most expensive cars and gadgets in an effort to possess what their neighbors and peers have.
Yet this case is really no different.
Well; except for:
No Consumer Reports. Prime. Optional features or choices. Next-day delivery. No exchanges, returns, refunds or warranty. No satisfaction guarantee. No customer service, technical support, user manuals, troubleshooting websites ... No upgrades.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12
In the last two years, all four of these women have had children. Thus, this time around, we're not joining them as they move on to the next phase. That sense of solidarity isn't there.
Solidarity? More like Frienemy Snark.
Nothing brings out a competitive streak like first/second-time parents with babies close in age. Everything turns into a race:
Sleeping through the night, first smile, first tooth, crawling, walking, talking. Who has the best Pediatrician, Nanny, Pre-School, blah, blah blah.
By the time you have as many kids as I have? You just shrug & say "I might worry if he's still sucking his thumb during Prom ..."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12
Echoing what another poster said on this thread, I have thought about the fact that once we have a kid, our friends' and siblings' kids will be too old to play with him or her.
Babysitters!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12
And sometimes I feel selfish when I think that these friends of ours are busy putting their child's needs before theirs while my wife and I are just focused on each other (e.g., traveling, sleeping in late, etc.)
I don't know if these feelings make no sense.
Not really. You are 32 with no kids. It's kind of like being worried about being too rich or too thin.
(I had 8 by the time I was 28. And 11 by the time I was 36. And no; there is nothing "in the water", it's perfectly safe.)
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. I couldn't give two damns what my friends are doing and how many kids they are having...I have my life and they have theirs! 
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