Self-deluded about my own intelligence (mom, issues, emotion, relationship)

[dallasgoldrush]

Originally Posted by KaraZetterberg153

It has occurred to me recently that while I've always been proud of my presumed intelligence and accomplishments, it may be a delusion on my part. What If I'm not actually a smart person but instead, average to dumb, without realizing this truth.

I even googled this and apparently this is a common concern, with many such posts on various public forums, followed by long threads in response.

When you approach the end of your life (I'll be 68 this summer) it is time to evaluate. Poor business success (barely keeping my head above water), poor personal relationships, not much in the way of success aside from a couple of university degrees, a small business that is not doing particularly well, and publications which do not sell and nobody cares about.

I'm depressed about all of this; some of it might be attributed to circumstances outside of my control, but mostly, my own shortcomings, I think.

It sounds like you and I might belong in the same support group, OP.

I recall being a kid and thinking I was the smartest little guy in the history of cartoon-watchers.

But you know what, absolutely nothing I ever did reflected intelligence! lol ...

I was not an exceptional student. A teacher or two told me it had something to do with my laziness and my complete inability to follow basic directions.

For undergrad I went to one of those unnecessarily challenging universities because they think they have something to prove - type of places. That place thoroughly cured me of my intellectual arrogance. Shockingly though, I did much better there than I ever had in school. Desperation to escape a tough home life cured that whole laziness issue ...

There was never any soft landing on "success" for me though.

I've failed more times than not.

I'm failing in some important areas of my life right now, and I no longer have youth and immaturity as an excuse.

Basically I've failed so much that I don't appear to be that "smart".

I've failed so often that I've had to re-write the book of success.

I cannot use winning as the definition of success, because I win so infrequently.

My success has to be measured in blood, sweat and tears.

I'm resilient and creative all at once. I always bounce back like a bobble-head. A person or two here and there has noticed these qualities in me and taken me under their wing because of it.

I'm loved by people. I love those people back. It's a miracle and a blessing that I'm even capable of love.

People who are already a little further down my path have helped me. In turn I help the ones bringing up the rear.

History moves in its own direction and there's only so much any of us can do about it. None of us are as important as we'd like to be, but we're all as important as we need to be. Because ultimately how much do we all really need other than to be touched or moved by someone, and to touch or move others?

OP, haven't you touched even a single person in your life in a positive way? And aren't you a net positive force in the world overall? If so, how much more "success" do you need?

Be blessed on your journey.

[fluffythewondercat]

Originally Posted by KaraZetterberg153

Once, I was attacked by a half dozen neighborhood kids who threw me over the hood of a car and beat me with their fists; mother was standing in the doorway of our house, behind the closed screen, just watching. Wouldn't a decent mother have come out and try to protect her child?

What about your father? Did you ever wonder why a man would marry a cold emotionally-unavailable woman like her?

[Sunaimer]

It’s not you, it’s your childhood holding you back. This is a great website relating to emotional abuse by narcissistic parents. They also have a Facebook group. Luke 17:3 Ministries Inc For Adult Daughters of Controlling or Abusive Birth-Families

[animalcrazy]

Oh Kara you can beat yourself up and fantasize about doing things differently, but in the end, you would just make a different set of mistakes. Happiness isn't in riches, it's in the little things that bring you joy. I don't think that at 68 you're approaching the end of your life, and the time to evaluate was early on. Now is the time to accept and be comfortable in your skin. What's done is done. Move past it and find a different path to happiness. Hugs.

[TabulaRasa]

I think that the longer most intelligent people live, the clearer picture they get of the limitations of their intelligence and skill sets, and increasingly realistic about how their intelligence does and doesn't benefit them.

I was in class tonight (master's program), and had to honestly acknowledge that there are plenty in my class who know a lot less than I do. But when asked to present on what they do know, many of them do a much better job than I do.

[6.7traveler]

Anyone that questions their intelligence is smart in my book. It's the ones that are convinced they are smarter than everyone else and have all the answers that worry me.

[incivism]

The wise know they are stupid.

[Spuggy]

Originally Posted by JrzDefector

Find your own truth and accept who you are. You can dwell on what you see as your failures, or you can move forward and look ahead to maximize your happiness. Looking back is pointless unless you're doing it as a learning exercise.

Great advice.

[KaraZetterberg153]

Originally Posted by Sunaimer

It’s not you, it’s your childhood holding you back. This is a great website relating to emotional abuse by narcissistic parents. They also have a Facebook group. Luke 17:3 Ministries Inc For Adult Daughters of Controlling or Abusive Birth-Families

Wish there were a group such as this which wasn't bible or religious based.

[JrzDefector]

Originally Posted by KaraZetterberg153

Wish there were a group such as this which wasn't bible or religious based. ��

Will Medicare cover counseling? My therapist put my relationship with my mother in perspective for me after only a few sessions and it kind of reframed my outlook entirely.