INTJ Females - legitimate?? (relationship, MBTI, woman, thoughts)

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by RamenAddict

I’m INTJ and female and I don’t feel misunderstood or bullied, nor do I regularly get into trouble on forums. I also don’t use Facebook, primarily because I don’t feel the need to post my daily life up on the internet to validate myself. I think INTJs tend to be extremely private as compared to other folks, so I don’t really need to go onto some FB group to talk about things. I think I also understand that most people don’t care about any particular person, and why should they? That means I can generally be who I am and not worry about it all that much.

This is an interesting choice in verbalizing why Facebook is not used. I suppose the other side of the coin could be someone commenting that they use Facebook because they don't really feed the need to validate themselves by keeping everything private, that they are very comfortable and confident with being socially open, and value the impact that this openness on their personal relationships. I'm thinking those people might also be inclined to say that they are being who they are and not worrying about it all that much, i.e. not worrying that there are those who roll their eyes at them for putting everything on social media.

[CamillaB]

Originally Posted by KaraZetterberg153

I won't post the link but there's an INTJ forum for females in Facebook. Percentage of this Meyers-Briggs category with respect to females is apparently .8%, which is a very tiny category.

In this very active group (4,313 members) there are lots of discussions about giftedness, relationship problems, and difficulties associated with being so superior to normal people in so many ways. It sounds like a gigantic ego trip to me, particularly when these "superior" women make so many stylistic errors in their writing, e. g., "bored of" rather than "bored with," and similar errors.

Are we sure Meyers-Briggs is really legitimate? It was taught in a university course in the education department, and I questioned it then, as well.

Your thoughts? Everyone accepts this?

I don't think any one personality type is superior to another. They all have a purpose and they all have flaws and they all have strengths. The point of personality analyzing isn't to make yourself feel superior to others but to understand yourself better and work on the flaws, recognize where your strengths and weaknesses fit into your life, your choices and your future. And though you may have a tendency to lean a certain way or think a certain way, it's by no means written in stone that you have to. People can act the way they choose (Harry Potter choosing Gryffindor though he "should" have been in Slytherin).

People like to talk about themselves and mirror each other. We like to be around people who are like us in a little bit of a narcissistic way. We copy others. Human see, human do. That's just natural for humans. It's not logical though when you've studied personality theory to say that one type is the best or better than another. Rarer doesn't necessarily mean more valuable.

Everyone has something to contribute.

That said, I usually come out in that test as a INTJ or INFJ. It depends on the day.

[CamillaB]

Originally Posted by KaraZetterberg153

Mod cut.

I do think elegant use of language is a prime indicator of intelligence. Is that really controversial? I think not.

I used to be a grammar nut. I was soooo judgemental and thought so highly of myself because I could write and I knew the rules and blah blah blah. As I've gotten older I have definitely stopped judging as much. I got really legalistic with religion, too. Judged myself harshly and everyone else likewise. Didn't ever understand or feel God's love, didn't understand anything but judgement. That is an AWFUL way to live. I actually stopped going to church because I ended up angry at everyone for not doing this or doing that and not being perfect etc. It was making me crazy. And unkind in my heart.

So it took a while but I am still trying to learn to be softer hearted and more understanding. Logic is still a problem because I desire it so much but it's a work in progress.

I used to have people say to me, "Do you want to be right or do you want to have friends?" and I have to admit I did and still do feel that being right is more important. But like I said, I don't think that is a strength.

I think the whole personality type of INTJ or INFJ has given me a lot of grief.

I also hate when people say, "I am gifted." Ugh. I hate people being vain and not humble or modest, even if they are God's gift to the world. And again, what good does all the intelligence do you if you're just a miserable coot?

[CamillaB]

Originally Posted by KaraZetterberg153

I love how you say "I'm gifted. I have a high IQ." I never say that about myself, though it is probably a true description.

I read somewhere that people with IQ scores of 150 or more are "capable of works of genius." I've held onto that phrase for a lifetime, hoping it were true.

I had an IQ of 140 when I was 12. I have no idea what that means and it never proved to have made a rat's tush worth of difference in my life because I was also "blessed" with severe anxiety and a crackhead family (anxiety, depression, OCD and more in the soup). Whatever good I could have achieved with the rest of my brain, my amygdala prevented. It is no good to test well, you have to have so many other factors fall into place to make it all become "genius".

Also I am a firm firm believer that genius is like Einstein and Mozart, not just someone who knows they should write "should've" instead of "should of" or who can sweep a couple of Jeopardy categories.

Genius to me is that kid from The Ring. That kid who played Aidan. He graduated from UCLA when he was 17 and graduated Harvard Law at 21.

I feel like people use the word "gifted" and "genius" waaay too much. You may be bright or sharp but that isn't necessarily gifted. To me it is pretty average or slightly above average. Gifted/genius is many many many levels above that.

[jteskal]

Don't remember my score, but was very rare and a low percent. I am female and do feel superior to normal people with no goals, standards, education, etc. Such as people who are content. It is a personality thing. Often people think I look down on them and come across stuck up. My mindset is different and I have very high standards, but mostly for myself. So, I hold others at that same standard. Feel like we all have the same chance no matter your background. Am always working toward some goal and don't think this will ever stop.

[Stagemomma]

Originally Posted by Schmooky

I’m an INTJ married to an INTJ, though I’m much more empathetic than he is (and he can be more outgoing than me, though I’m the chattier of the two of us).

Honestly it’s a great match. We have similar values and assess the world in a very similar way. He and I both felt outside our peers and loved learning, but not social drama, as kids. We both had very close friends and not a lot of acquaintances (deep relationships with a few people). We have similar types of introverted hobbies and prefer volunteering in the background. We love politics and debate. Both he and I are technical people and autodidacts. I’m way more artsy and he is more of a gamer/coder/builder though

I think being a female and INTJ can be a little tougher because some of those things that are associated with leadership and competence in men are ‘frigid’ or ‘witchy’ in women. But I also think that the introversion is easier to manage as a mom at home than him in a workplace with many people. Overall I’d say we are very alike. What keeps in interesting is that we are still different enough in our experiences and hobbies that we always have lots to talk about, but don’t clash in the big things. We have been married twelve years now and going strong

Lucky you! I was married to an INTJ. He once told me he was attracted to me because of my social confidence. He was hoping that would bring him out more. I was surprised at that b/c I didn't ever feel particularly socially confident, but indeed I was moreso than him. I had no idea the extent of his social anxiety, bred long before I came on the scene. That, plus his tendency to judge, led him to assume that others were constantly judging him. He became very controlling...things I was doing to improve my confidence, social and otherwise, led him to feel like I was directing a spotlight on us.

He also really lacked an ability to empathize with others. Add in a temper, and he was unpleasant to live with. If I had known then what I do now, I would have approached my relationship differently, but I doubt it would have saved anything.

He is now married to someone I suspect is also an INTJ.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by KaraZetterberg153

No, it's not a small group; it has over 4,000 members (as mentioned in the OP).

FB has 1 BILLION users, 4K IS small.

I always test as INTJ, and probably my use of grammar is less "elegant" than you would find ideal. The last grade I completed was 9th, so I missed some important areas of my education. My IQ is 134, so nothing crazy, but I am capable of learning.

Reading about INTJs helped me understand myself, and why I would have troubles communicating with others. I would constantly offend and have no clue WHY. /lol I still struggle! We are like Doctor Spock if he registered on the aspie scale.

Unique is not superior, and people are all unique, so therefore..... none of us are unique.

[SportyandMisty]

Originally Posted by GeoffD

I’m an INTJ. I spent most of my high tech career being the lead in a tech company. Job titles like Chief Architect. I got paid to be the smartest person in the room. When I was in my 20s, I was pretty arrogant. After a bunch of decades in corporate cooperative environments, I learned to bury the big ego and lead...

Wait. Are you my twin?

[tnff]

Male INTJ here. Growing up I remember referring to myself as a Vulcan. I was an outcast in a sea of illogical humans. I remember the first time I was given the MBTI in the service (had it several times sense and it's been consistent). It provided me some significant insight into why I was such an outcast when we learned how our scores grouped up. Best use of the MBTI is understanding how you fit into the overall group and can adjust your expectations; because I doubt most non INTJs can truly understand. It seems, even in some posts here, that it is often confused with feeling/sounding superior. On the contrary, it's totally different from that.

Originally Posted by Thoreau424

..
Those who get us, I think, can really appreciate us and love us. I don't always love myself either. I seem to wrestle with myself about as much as I wrestle with others (even if the latter is in a hidden? way that I try not to show).

This is a key statement. People may think I'm critical in my comments of others, but what they don't see is how much I'm critical with myself. I too wrestle with myself. Someone else mentioned not feeling God's love, but only judgment. That is so much how I've felt my life.

Originally Posted by reneeh63

...
The point is, this is a conversation best had by teenagers and certainly those under the age of 30 when that angst of "finding yourself" is strongest. At some point in your life you come to understand and accept yourself (and accept that very few other people in the world care about any particular person) or start making changes in how you are.
....

Not really, and not to an INTJ. I'm well into my 50s and still neither understand nor accept myself.

Originally Posted by Good4Nothin

I often make grammar mistakes on purpose. I studied linguistics, so for me it's kind of fun to break the rules. Also, I hate sounding snooty and upper class. I am not upper class, but I am very educated. I hate sounding that way. I often say "ain't" and things like that. To me it's fun. I grew up in a family that was snooty about correct grammar.

I have read a ton in my life, so good English is second nature to me. In addition to studying linguistics. But I like to sound like just a regular middle class person, especially around other country musicians. When I'm teaching school, that's a little different.

Interesting how you put that. I can be very precise in professional writing, but more and more in various forums, I've come to not care as much for exactly those reasons. Using proper grammar is one of those things that seems to make many people look down on you.

[KaraZetterberg153]

>> Not really, and not to an INTJ. I'm well into my 50s and still neither understand nor accept myself.

I'm 67 and still learning things about myself. The last two days have been a revelation. I had encountered the MB both informally and in academia but didn't give it much credence. This was a mistake, it appears in hindsight. It explains a lot--socially, emotionally, professionally.

Jung said or wrote a lot of rather stupid, irrational things (Russell wrote about it and I'll try to find it and post it), but not this.

Postscript: Here's an account of the famous bookshelf incident between Jung and Freud which Russell found so absurd:
https://www.physicsforums.com/thread...okcase.394505/

I didn't continue to look for Russell's remarks but this illustrates how even brilliant, seminal thinkers can believe foolish, irrational things, like Aristotle's views on women's teeth.