Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well if you ask for advice on a forum you will get mostly honest opinions. Otherwise why would a person waste their time to try to give advice to a stranger? Naturally some of the opinions may be worthless, but so can the opinions of professionals who get paid hundreds of dollars an hour for their opinions. They are all opinions. If you get a lot of replies there will be some bits of truth in there. But many people who ask for advice really don't want it, they are really only seeking sympathy.
One time somebody who disagrees with me quite often, turned that around on me and told me that's why I only sleep with my dog and can't get a man
That’s harsh. If this were the advice that you receive most of the time, would you come back for more? Do your close friends and family give you the same advice? If not, why do you think that is? If they do, how does it make you feel? In real life, do you surround yourself with people who are supportive and who helps build you up, people who tear you down, or a little of both?
I guess what I’m getting at is what do you find more conducive to your happiness and success? Those who tell you that you’re a worthless POS who is only worthy enough to sleep in a bed with a dog, or those who tell you that you’re better than that and you need to keep pushing forward until you find the right situation? Or do you find both to be helpful in keeping you motivated, but also realistic? I.e “you will find a man, but he won’t be that great because you’re not that great”.
What’s the most empowering tool? The encouragement that you have the potential for something better? Or the discouragement of being told that you’re not good enough?
Last edited by Left-handed; 04-13-2018 at 05:12 AM..
That’s harsh. If this were the advice that you receive most of the time, would you come back for more? Do your close friends and family give you the same advice? If not, why do you think that is? If they do, how does it make you feel? In real life, do you surround yourself with people who are supportive and who helps build you up, people who tear you down, or a little of both?
I guess what I’m getting at is what do you find more conducive to your happiness and success? Those who tell you that you’re a worthless POS who is only worthy enough to sleep in a bed with a dog, or those who tell you that you’re better than that and you need to keep pushing forward until you find the right situation? Or do you find both to be helpful in keeping you motivated, but also realistic? I.e “you will find a man, but he won’t be that great because you’re not that great”.
What’s the most empowering tool? The encouragement that you have the potential for something better? Or the discouragement of being told that you’re not good enough?
I don't have a dog, and I live with my SO. THAT'S my point. The person trying to insult me reads nothing of what I actually ever post, or they wouldn't think that would insult me. There are only a couple of posters who's advice I ever consider, personally, and that's due to posting history.
In real life? I have a best friend, sister, daughter and SO who are all excellent sounding boards. Ultimately it's up to me to decide what's best for me.
I don't have a dog, and I live with my SO. THAT'S my point. The person trying to insult me reads nothing of what I actually ever post, or they wouldn't think that would insult me. There are only a couple of posters who's advice I ever consider, personally, and that's due to posting history.
In real life? I have a best friend, sister, daughter and SO who are all excellent sounding boards. Ultimately it's up to me to decide what's best for me.
And that’s my point.
We disregard, avoid, or disapprove of those who are discouraging and cynical towards us, because it is not remotely helpful to our own progress or happiness.
You shrugged that guy off because his input was not valid or helpful to you. I’m simply stating the fact that most people would react the same way that you did. That’s all the OP is really about; that discouragement and cynicism from others serves no useful purpose to our ends.
You know that friend or sibling or co-worker everyone has who drones on and on about the same repetitive problems day after day? The one you start out trying to help? The one you took seriously because you have generally good feelings about? The one who burns through bushels of goodwill? The one who nods and 'yeah yeahs' his way through your thoughtful and polite discussions, but then just rewinds his tape and repeats his stories ad nauseum? The one who over time manages to ignore or refute most every kindly-given suggestion? The one whose self-awareness meter has never lifted off of zero?
Well, I remember that person. They exist IRL as well as on-line.
You know that friend or sibling or co-worker everyone has who drones on and on about the same repetitive problems day after day? The one you start out trying to help? The one you took seriously because you have generally good feelings about? The one who burns through bushels of goodwill? The one who nods and 'yeah yeahs' his way through your thoughtful and polite discussions, but then just rewinds his tape and repeats his stories ad nauseum? The one who over time manages to ignore or refute most every kindly-given suggestion? The one whose self-awareness meter has never lifted off of zero?
Well, I remember that person. They exist IRL as well as on-line.
If they are complaining while not trying anything at all to rectify their situation, then that is on them, and I can understand your sentiments.
However, if they are trying different things and continuously meeting resistance or obstacles or failure, then it just is what it is. I would not fault them; I'd continue empathizing with them and helping them sort it out until they accomplish it. Why? Because that's what good friends do.
Problems don't just disappear over night because you offer up a simple suggestion. Many problems, complex problems, take time to sort out and work through. Personally, I would continue to offer the utmost support and encouragement to them until they fix it.
Otherwise, just don't have any friends if it's a burden on you. It's that simple. Nobody will want to hang out with you anyway. And trust me, I've dropped plenty of people from my life who've not been supportive or encouraging during trials and tribulations. I have a friend who's been unemployed for over a year and he's desperately trying to find work in his field. While he has a tendency to be a bit particular about the type of work he wants to do, it would never occur to me to try to discourage him or knock him down a notch so he understands why he is failing. My job as his friend is to support him during his down times, and I'd expect the same out of him.
Yes. They can never change the tape that runs on an endless loop in their head. And they can never admit that any of it is their fault. They live on their self pity and rage. They are deaf to any opinion that doesn't agree with theirs, and have no attention span for any conversation except the ones they initiate. Ultimately it's all about them and their feelings and nothing else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by elhelmete
You know that friend or sibling or co-worker everyone has who drones on and on about the same repetitive problems day after day? The one you start out trying to help? The one you took seriously because you have generally good feelings about? The one who burns through bushels of goodwill? The one who nods and 'yeah yeahs' his way through your thoughtful and polite discussions, but then just rewinds his tape and repeats his stories ad nauseum? The one who over time manages to ignore or refute most every kindly-given suggestion? The one whose self-awareness meter has never lifted off of zero?
Well, I remember that person. They exist IRL as well as on-line.
If they are complaining while not trying anything at all to rectify their situation, then that is on them, and I can understand your sentiments.
However, if they are trying different things and continuously meeting resistance or obstacles or failure, then it just is what it is. I would not fault them; I'd continue empathizing with them and helping them sort it out until they accomplish it. Why? Because that's what good friends do.
Problems don't just disappear over night because you offer up a simple suggestion. Many problems, complex problems, take time to sort out and work through. Personally, I would continue to offer the utmost support and encouragement to them until they fix it.
Well I don't completely agree. If you really think you're constantly trying and yet still failing there's not a lot a friend can do that he hasn't done already. Everyone has their own life to deal with. We can support each other and try to help but there's just a practical as well as an emotional limit to it. Frankly I believe it's naive and somewhat dishonest to think a friend should be willing to give limitless help and support. Healthy people have limits.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Left-handed
Otherwise, just don't have any friends. It's that simple. Nobody will want to hang out with you anyway. And trust me, I've dropped plenty of people from my life who've not been supportive or encouraging during trials and tribulations.
Not sure which side of the coin you're addressing here.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
