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In line with elhelmete's recent thread on pessimism and sulking in groups (and what is so attractive about it), I've noticed another common trend on this forum: many posters are very discouraging.
In the real world, it seems that when I talk to most people (friends, family, and professional peers) about goals, opportunities, or short-term plans, I'm generally received with positivity, hopefulness, optimism, and encouragement. When I come out of a discussion with these people, I generally feel empowered and motivated. But after I read some threads on this forum, I generally feel like the world is an awful place and that people are just mean and unsupportive and that there is so little hope. Many people here also seem so closed-minded and shut off to new or unconventional ideas, whereas in the real world, it seems that many of the people I speak with are fully supportive of "giving it a shot" for the sake of trying. The people in the real world whom I talk to also have a track record of success, whereas I have no idea if the cynics and pessimists on this forum are even remotely successful, or if they are just projecting their lack of success onto others.
Do you feel that your experiences are similar? Why do you think this forum attracts so many tragic people like this? Or why do you think that these people act out this way on this forum, when the real world feedback seems so much more encouraging and inspiring hope?
dude or dudette...this ain't the real world....don't let it get to ya, at most, it's goofy fun...
..i do agree though, if you met many of these 'bomb throwing' poster's in real life, most likely they're big p**ssy's and would never say to your face what they post...
After a year or two on C-D you do get tired of reading the same problems over and over. I think people become hardened to the problems posted about, forgetting that to the queror, a problem is new and baffling.
In real life, face to face with friends, one is motivated to be supportive. With advice given to strangers, that motivation is gone.
But, I have noticed time and again that posters will pick out some detail in a post and hammer the poster about it. It is as if several have ganged up on him or her. And, often they are not answering the original question. Of course, sometimes it is blatantly obvious that the poster has an altogether different problem than the one she has asked about.
So, I don’t think I can give you one reason for snarky and/or unsupportive posts. There are probably several reasons for what you have noticed.
If you post here, giving input or advice, I hope you will be thoughtful in your answers, because we do need thoughtful posters here.
I doubt I will ever post about a problem again on CD. I hope I won't get weak and give in to that urge to post. The thought is like "There are hundreds or thousands of people here, surely one of them will have experienced the same kind of problem and will have helpful advice."
It seems like a much better way to get advice than asking friends, because so many different kinds of people read your problem.
But friends will usually try to cheer you up, even if they don't have any answers. So that's the kind of responses we are used to.
Here at CD, there are some friendly people who try to be helpful, even though they don't know us personally.
However, there also are some who think they are giving honest tough advice, when actually they are just expressing their opinion. And their opinion could easily be wrong. Just because something comes into your mind, doesn't mean it's true.
Then, if you disagree with their advice, they get even "tougher," and more insistent that they are right.
It evolves from honest toughness to nastiness and sometimes cruelty. You start hearing all about how defective you are, and you start being diagnosed.
Talking about problems and asking for advice puts you in a lower status position, at least temporarily. When a friend tells us a problem, they are admitting they don't have their lives all figured out. It is a sign of trust when they confide in you.
But here at CD, that lower status can get you showered with contempt. You have a problem with assertiveness! You are passive-aggressive, just like my miserable ex-husband! You're a loser, you will never accomplish anything, no one will ever like you!
I asked for advice in the teaching forum, because I just started teaching and have very little experience. I was told the college's accreditation would be revoked because I curved an exam.
When I get that kind of response, I sometimes believe it at first, because I am not extremely confident.
Anyway, I swore off posting about problems here. It's like when a dog lies down on its back in the "surrender" position. If the other dogs bite you to death, well, isn't that what you were asking for?
Friends & family will of course be "back patters"...
So many of these "CD is awful" posts lately. If it's not what you like/want etc. maybe time to reconsider
If I post, I want real opinions...not just what my encouraging family and friends think. That's life.
Nah, man. Not even close. The real advice you speak of rarely exists on this forum. Real advice is providing an algorithm for success given a person's starting point. What you get most of here is the cliche naysayers telling you what you are and are not capable of despite knowing nothing about you. Gatekeepers who seemingly hope to keep the gates closed for others who are trying to work their way up and accomplish something.
Most of the time when I really press people on these sorts of nay saying comments, they back off and don't come back to respond. Why? Because the truth is revealed how truly clueless they are (just as most of us really are as a matter of fact), despite 20 minutes earlier claiming that they have it figured out and they're "just trying to give it to you straight".
You call friends and family "back patters", yet they genuinely have a stake in your success and happiness. So of course they're going to provide you with tangible, attainable steps towards success. Nobody here cares about you, or are they invested in your success and happiness, so many of them default to negative nay saying and gate keeping. Lots and lots of gate keepers and humble braggarts here who subtly pat themselves on the backs while tearing you down a notch.
You acknowledge "So many of these "CD is awful" posts lately". Ironic that you think it really isn't a problem despite so many people claiming that it's a problem for them. Everyone else must be crazy, am I right?
Ever since social platforms became available it has attracted people who feel under the umbrella of anonymity can unleash their pent up insecurities, anger, hatred, racism, bigotry, petty complaints, etc etc. and troll or bully. There are some on cd who offer real advice but you have to sift through and yes when you call the naysayers out the truth of what they are is revealed.
Nah, man. Not even close. The real advice you speak of rarely exists on this forum. Real advice is providing an algorithm for success given a person's starting point. What you get most of here is the cliche naysayers telling you what you are and are not capable of despite knowing nothing about you. Gatekeepers who seemingly hope to keep the gates closed for others who are trying to work their way up and accomplish something.
Most of the time when I really press people on these sorts of nay saying comments, they back off and don't come back to respond. Why? Because the truth is revealed how truly clueless they are (just as most of us really are as a matter of fact), despite 20 minutes earlier claiming that they have it figured out and they're "just trying to give it to you straight".
You call friends and family "back patters", yet they genuinely have a stake in your success and happiness. So of course they're going to provide you with tangible, attainable steps towards success. Nobody here cares about you, or are they invested in your success and happiness, so many of them default to negative nay saying and gate keeping. Lots and lots of gate keepers and humble braggarts here who subtly pat themselves on the backs while tearing you down a notch.
You acknowledge "So many of these "CD is awful" posts lately". Ironic that you think it really isn't a problem despite so many people claiming that it's a problem for them. Everyone else must be crazy, am I right?
That's how I feel about it. People getting a sense of superiority by putting others down.
And notice -- these "honest" givers of advice never post their own problems! Is it because they are so smart they have already solved all their problems and have nothing to complain about? Or is it because posting about problems would lower their status and leave them vulnerable to the same kind of put-downs they have been giving out?
That's how I feel about it. People getting a sense of superiority by putting others down.
And notice -- these "honest" givers of advice never post their own problems! Is it because they are so smart they have already solved all their problems and have nothing to complain about? Or is it because posting about problems would lower their status and leave them vulnerable to the same kind of put-downs they have been giving out?
If you read your post, do you really not realize that you're insulting a group of people you don't agree with? Describing them in a negative way?
It's so ironic that those who feel put down and picked on, are not nice in their descriptions of those who don't agree with them. But that's ok?
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