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I have not had the chance to live alone due to a good marriage and hard work keeping it together. We have come close to divorce and I have never feared being alone. I actually due spend a lot of time alone due to his job and our children are grown. I envy those that spend time alone and just being and doing their own thing. I have two grown sons that have no wish or even try to be in a relationship at this point in their lives. 21/25 they both say that woman and relationships are too hard, to demanding on their time and wallets. I've seen my sons having wonderful time doing everything they dreamed of, traveling, movies and dinners with friends and not regretting being alone. They do date some but nothing that attaches them to a real relationship. I have even heard it from my own children that they just want to find someone that will make them have a real marriage like mine and they just have not meet someone who could fit a life long relationship dream of so they just live and let it come when it comes and they do not care about being alone. They enjoy it.
My point was not everyone considers a wife and kids to be a ball and chain. I'm sure there are many men who believe that their wives and kids enhance their quality of life.
Fair enough but meanwhile there is a post in the Retirement section entitled: Afraid to spend retirement with my spouse.
That may be one man's woes but I've heard the same sentiment dozens of times from apparently happy couples as retirement approaches. Imagine a stay at home wife, supported for decades by her husband saying: "there's no way I'm going to let him sit around all day." I've heard that many, many times. But no need for gender specifics, I'm back to my point of lost freedom and even misery sharing a life with a ball and chain. Sure some lucky couples stay cool with each other forever, but in my experience, most are fairly limited and miserable, especially after the blush is off the rose.
Do I fear being alone? Yes. I just went through a month of hell and I'm very fortunate that my husband took good care of me. I don't know what I would have done without him. I couldn't even open a bottle of medicine and I still can't. I haven't driven in over a month and I have physical therapy 3 x a week. That's the for worse and in sickness side of our vows. The for better side of our vows is also where the profound fear and sadness of being alone comes in. We are still very much in love with each other and after 33 years of marriage it would be a huge and very sad adjustment living alone. I just hope I go first. I just don't think I could survive the loss.
Do I fear being alone? Yes. I just went through a month of hell and I'm very fortunate that my husband took good care of me. I don't know what I would have done without him. I couldn't even open a bottle of medicine and I still can't. I haven't driven in over a month and I have physical therapy 3 x a week. That's the for worse and in sickness side of our vows. The for better side of our vows is also where the profound fear and sadness of being alone comes in. We are still very much in love with each other and after 33 years of marriage it would be a huge and very sad adjustment living alone. I just hope I go first. I just don't think I could survive the loss.
You would survive it because...what choice would you have? Many of us have had to learn how that works. There was certainly a time in history, in fact for most of history, when humans needed each other JUST to survive, as you did your husband (or someone) this past month, but that time is, for most of us and for the most part, gone now. Do we all get terribly attached to people? Yes. But once you get over that, you realize that you really can survive alone...
Well if you can make a case for the ball and chain (wife and kids) leading to more freedom for a man, let's here it. That was my point which I'm not sure you are understanding.
Where I see this attitude is in couples who are not close socially. Somebody dropped the ball at some point with responsibilities and instead of coming up with a solution both can live with, protecting feelings was a priority. I do believe that if a man feels that his family is a ball and chain, the spouse and children feel the same way about the man. Its much nicer to have inspirational parents who live life the way they want while taking responsibility for creating a family rather than have a dad who forgets his responsibilities. And then when you are annoyed and nag him, he thinks you are a ball and chain.
People don't realize that they are essentially lonely, regardless. No one fully knows them, sometimes not even themselves. They try hiding from themselves, by being with somebody.
People don't realize that they are essentially lonely, regardless. No one fully knows them, sometimes not even themselves. They try hiding from themselves, by being with somebody.
I think being with someone is also highly effective as a means of self discovery and self knowledge.
I rented a small house when I was in my twenties and thought I'd get a roommate when I got bored and lonely. Never did and I've loved being alone ever since. It doesn't bother me at all and I don't get lonely. The only time I wish I had a partner or more friends is when I want to go somewhere that almost requires a second person, like a concert with those silly tables for dining or a carnival ride where they won't put one person alone in a seat.
I also don't have to be entertained 24/7. Just give me a pencil and a piece of paper and I can entertain myself forever.
A coworker of mine once said she had to have people around her all the time, or she got jittery and scared. I remember being amazed that anyone could be scared of being alone.
Ah yes, freedom. Throughout history mankind has been willing to fight and die for freedom. But what can rob someone of freedom more than a spouse with stuck roots, kids and baggage? Not much.
Adults who have spouses and children to look after and support tend to be more compliant. The elites at the top of government and the business world prefer it when the majority of lower level people are compliant and submissive. That is where the social programming comes into play.
Adults who have spouses and children to look after and support tend to be more compliant. The elites at the top of government and the business world prefer it when the majority of lower level people are compliant and submissive. That is where the social programming comes into play.
That's an interesting post. I've never thought about like that but it makes perfect sense. A man would be much less likely to rock the boat when married with children, simply for the sake stability. As such, he becomes a more likely target on which to apply consumerist pressure. As a single man, nobody tries to sell me anything because they know I don't have a wife and kids asking me for their daily dose of consumer fare(phone, shoes, clothes, electronics, and who knows what else.)
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