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I'm hearing Buddhist philosophy. I associate "yogic" with the various yoga exercise systems, which I believe were developed in the 20th century by Hindus.
If you don't mind me asking, were views imposed on you as a child which you might not have chosen on your own? If so, that could be categorized as (I guess you could call it?) religious abuse? Albeit a relatively unusual variety. But that would be a good point to add, I certainly agree.
Yes. I was raised by my widowed mother. She was the first of her siblings to graduate highschool. Her mother never graduated middleschool. I was put into a catholic middleschool with no male teachers. when I reached public highschool I was astonished that no one believed in god. it also freaked me out that the boys weren't chivalrous toward the girls in the least. I fell into a very rebellious group of drug and alcohol using friends and began studying other religions & science. I considered myself their voice of reason.
I no longer believed in any god, however, I thought that the enlightened were altruistic, understanding, etc. so I became very apologetic to the homeless around town & dreamed i'd be a drifter. my political beliefs became very socialist in nature. I began studying about buddhism & the indian yogis whom lived in shacks, and whom traded wisdom for scraps of food in town. i thought that this was the most good one could aspire to embody. I rejected college and my grades fell to D- average. I partied every night and partied harder every weekend. some of my friends dropped out & drove cars across the country. many of them became homeless & we'd party in abandoned houses and we all thought we were doing what was right. bush was president, killing thousands & spending trillions on war. people were struggling to afford their big houses and nice cars. I decided to reject all of this.
at some point in my early 20s I lost a girl I dated over 3 years and I continued partying... but I had changed drastically and began rejecting the immorality of my friends. I wound up addicted to drugs and finally, isolated and friendless, I entered into a period of my life that I call the void. I had developed a system of thought where I had believed the world was better off without me and I thought the greatest good would be for me to stop influencing others with my presence. i could think of no greater sacrifice. so I isolated completely. read articles on philosophy and science & physics & psychology and current events. did my best to not influence the world. just watched.
I finally got sober and decided this wasn't right. I began thinking about how individual responsibility is good... about how our monetary system makes sense. about how competition was natural to the human. about how women select their partners based on status & achievement. I started contemplating my climb up out of the void and I realized that my rejection of being human was wrong.
Yes. I was raised by my widowed mother. She was the first of her siblings to graduate highschool. Her mother never graduated middleschool. I was put into a catholic middleschool with no male teachers. when I reached public highschool I was astonished that no one believed in god. it also freaked me out that the boys weren't chivalrous toward the girls in the least. I fell into a very rebellious group of drug and alcohol using friends and began studying other religions & science. I considered myself their voice of reason.
I no longer believed in any god, however, I thought that the enlightened were altruistic, understanding, etc. so I became very apologetic to the homeless around town & dreamed i'd be a drifter. my political beliefs became very socialist in nature. I began studying about buddhism & the indian yogis whom lived in shacks, and whom traded wisdom for scraps of food in town. i thought that this was the most good one could aspire to embody. I rejected college and my grades fell to D- average. I partied every night and partied harder every weekend. some of my friends dropped out & drove cars across the country. many of them became homeless & we'd party in abandoned houses and we all thought we were doing what was right. bush was president, killing thousands & spending trillions on war. people were struggling to afford their big houses and nice cars. I decided to reject all of this.
at some point in my early 20s I lost a girl I dated over 3 years and I continued partying... but I had changed drastically and began rejecting the immorality of my friends. I wound up addicted to drugs and finally, isolated and friendless, I entered into a period of my life that I call the void. I had developed a system of thought where I had believed the world was better off without me and I thought the greatest good would be for me to stop influencing others with my presence. i could think of no greater sacrifice. so I isolated completely. read articles on philosophy and science & physics & psychology and current events. did my best to not influence the world. just watched.
I finally got sober and decided this wasn't right. I began thinking about how individual responsibility is good... about how our monetary system makes sense. about how competition was natural to the human. about how women select their partners based on status & achievement. I started contemplating my climb up out of the void and I realized that my rejection of being human was wrong.
now I have to deal with the aftermath.
What fantastic struggles. You should go back to school; you have a lot to offer. There are several schools which charge around $600 a semester. They are trade schools that teach skills but very useful skills with real jobs at the end. For older students, the fees are often waived or substantially discounted.
See:
CNMCC in Albuquerque (around $600)
SFCC Santa Fe, NM (around $600)
U of Arkansas, Fayetteville (free to older adults--lots of doctoral degrees)
PIMA, Tucson (around $500)
School will change your life, and there are always people around who will re-parent students. This is one of the reasons people become teachers: they see into the hearts of people who need guidance. And you can do the same for somebody some day.
What fantastic struggles. You should go back to school; you have a lot to offer. There are several schools which charge around $600 a semester. They are trade schools that teach skills but very useful skills with real jobs at the end. For older students, the fees are often waived or substantially discounted.
See:
CNMCC in Albuquerque (around $600)
SFCC Santa Fe, NM (around $600)
U of Arkansas, Fayetteville (free to older adults--lots of doctoral degrees)
PIMA, Tucson (around $500)
School will change your life, and there are always people around who will re-parent students. This is one of the reasons people become teachers: they see into the hearts of people who need guidance. And you can do the same for somebody some day.
Interesting to know about those schools. Do you have to live in-state to qualify for the reduced tuition? I've thought of returning to college or to some kind of schooling, but I feel a bit awkward at 44. I completed about 70 university units early on, but I never finished, and it's always bugged me that I didn't complete the degree. Although I doubt the degree would help me in terms of finding a job, but it would feel good to accomplish the goal. I live in California and have often thought of relocating to simply start life anew. Thank you!
The poll is closed, but although I would have answered "General sense of despair", it is all caused by people not even trying to get along with each other and with big business and countries caring more about power, money, ideologies, or whatever more than they do about people and making it a better world for everyone.
I missed the poll, but it would have been hard to choose just one of those. At various times of my life it was a combination of financial worries, romantic disappointments (divorce), general sense of despair, and social isolation. When I was young, it was mostly general sense of despair. When I got older, financial worries and romantic disappointment (divorce and recession at the same time) which made me suicidal. Now its back to general sense of despair due to regrets and mistakes in general.
Interesting to know about those schools. Do you have to live in-state to qualify for the reduced tuition? I've thought of returning to college or to some kind of schooling, but I feel a bit awkward at 44. I completed about 70 university units early on, but I never finished, and it's always bugged me that I didn't complete the degree. Although I doubt the degree would help me in terms of finding a job, but it would feel good to accomplish the goal. I live in California and have often thought of relocating to simply start life anew. Thank you!
Usually the best thing to do when relocating is to plan on working a year before starting school. Get your local driver's license, rent receipt, utility bill receipts and establish residency before applying to school. Never put on any paperwork that you moved there to go to school; always put that you moved there to work. Because work you will (unless you're independently wealthy?)
I've worked very hard all my life, usually a day job teaching or, especially in the summers, as a legal secretary or paralegal through temp agencies or long-term positions, plus an orchestra contract, plus freelancing on the violin, plus private students. Opera, ballet, symphony, church jobs, weddings. I'm nearly 70 now, but I sure had a lot of fun.
Don't worry about your age. It makes absolutely no difference. I was 37 when I got my undergraduate degree and got my masters five years after that. Continuing education is kind of a necessity in this age. I'm still going to school, went to law school, studied in two doctoral programs. The longer you put it off, the more interesting the technology is. You have to bear in mind that schools are businesses and they're doing the best they can to keep students up with the technology. I've only now, and recently, decided on a field at the doctoral level, Digital Humanities. Just keep learning.
A good thing to come out of this discussion is that people are saying their depression is situational - that there is a reason for it - which I agree with - but the mainstream idea floating around is that "clinical depression" is this mysterious malady that has nothing to do with your particular life or circumstances.
In addition, people often say there is a big difference between sadness and depression, but if you deconstruct it, there might not be.
One of my observations is that many people who identify with being "clinically depressed" - or in a depressive funk - seem to have anger and resentment just simmering beneath the surface. If the anger/resentment is actually acknowledged and processed, then the depression goes away.
I believe depression is anger/resentment turned inward - in my case, I can feel when I am disappointed in life, I start to get angry, then immediately stuff it and can feel the depression taking over. Each person is different, obviously - but I am aware of my pattern of feeling pissed if I don't "get my way" about something, and the next thing you know, I feel depressed (which in this example is way different than "sadness" which does not have the anger/resentment component that you can feel).
when we bury pain, anger, guilt,shame, hurt, there are all fear's brothers
they are like demons that fester and manifest …inside us … you have to let this go- sounds easy...but we all know it isn't...
one awesome ability we all have ….is no matter what blender of crap we've been in....we can look ahead.....we all have the ability to picture or project who/what we want to be and work towards it- but we must drop the anchors ….the crap that we've buried in us....it will haunt us..
many ways to do this but here's what worked for me......first , I recognized im a "clumper" I clump all of lifes stress and past pains into one big ball of crap.....and I carried that around.... it weighs on you and like a clump of manure on your glasses.....the world looks and smells like crap...
so, I started to break down this big ball ...into smaller pieces..... then hit them head on and destroyed it..let it go...…. its a process... I wrote down my 10 biggest contributors like a checklist and did a couple per week....
it can be very painful....because when we bury pain and hurt it attaches to so many other parts of life....get to the source..and let it go..
I took one evening per week by myself …...then brought up the hurtful pain ..memories.....and dissolved them....we all have that ability....have a good cry if you need to....but open yourself up and let the light destroy the darkness..
this is internal....you can never even think someone else can do this for you....
set goals.... I set goals with no limitations...I "pictured" being content allowing myself to feel better and have energy and optimism...
for example....every morning I wake up I say 5 things im grateful for ….I encourage others....instead of being critical....I try being a coach and not a cop.... all working towards that wonderful picture I created …
knowing something doesn't mean you will execute it- you need to be your own task manager and recognize your own faults.....I was a procrastinator which led me to be dismissive (negative) - lazy and feeling unproductive.... on my days off id wake up jump out of bed and attack the list of tasks ive been procrastinating on and what a change for the better!!
build your positive YOU .. be internally motivated not externally (don't rely on others) diffuse your anxieties....recognize them first....what are your triggers...- I stopped watching the news....its political puke I stopped talking politics with anyone .. I rewarded myself for being productive or letting some anchors go …..its a process that we all have the ability to do...
and the number one thing …. I had to avoid was soul-sucking toxic people that are either trying to use you or bring you down with them....
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