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I don't think you're describing borderline personality disorder. My mother has a lot of the features of it, and this is something else. Doesn't really matter, because my advice would be the same: Someone with an untreated personality disorder and who has no interest in treating it is not someone to invest your time in. Get out of the friendship with as much grace and kindness as you can, but do not get sucked back in.
I don't get this. I really wish that I would have never known this guy, and in the future, I'll tell everybody straightly what I think and if they cannot cope with it, they're surely not the right person to be befriended with for me.
I was friends with a bpd female for over 20 years. The only reason was because she was nice to fellow females (I guess she knew we wouldn't take her bs). She focused all her rath on males her many bfs in particular. She couldn't keep a job longer then a year and her mood fluctuated like sand. I finally had to break off contact with her because I couldn't keep watching the way she treated men. She's been to psychologists all in vain she finds fault with them and quits. Bpd is a horrible affliction that hurts everyone around them and themselves the most. There's no cure you just must walk away. Trust me they're used to it ....
This year, I got to know a person who has been diagnosted with borderline personality disorder. We were good friends for about 2 months or so, but then problems started emerging.
First, he had a job that he hated in a big company doing simple and stupid assembly-line work.He didn't have any job education (being 19 years old) and nothing in-sight. Through his job, he developed a strong depression and was ill for some months. We talked about his job and how much he hates it, but at the same time, he wanted to apply for the local garbage collection team. Saying that this would not make him happy he replied "I don't care about happiness, I just want the money". A few days later, he got tattooes of a sick note and two alarm clocks on his leg, one with something like "6:20" and a middle finger (the time he needs to get up in the morning), and one with like 16:50 and a thumbs-up (the time his job ends). So, obviously, he hates his job, but doesn't care about it in his actions either.
He once tried to apply to a job where I work as the same thing I work as. So I thought I may help him with my experience getting into an apprenticeship at that place. I encouraged him to write an application, but he just didn't do anything. Then, I started to write an application for that job for him, just needing him to fill out personal details (like the school's hes been to and so on). That could have easily been done in about 15 minutes. But he never did. One time, we even met up for finishing this, but instead of just concentrating for those 15 minutes, he invited "friends" that didn't care about his job in any way and found this work too boring to continue, so we had to cancel it. Instead of continueing to work on that problem, he found it more useful to smoke his bong at that evening.
When asking about the status, he always told me he'd "do it later", but now, it's too late and he never did anything.
I study philosophy and for me, philosophical thinking has solved many problems. So I introduced him into some concepts, and he always pretended to understand what I'm talking about. But in reality, he didn't. But he denied that.
He also has a girlfriend. A clever, young girl that he draws down very much. She still goes to school, but due to his manical behaviour, she get's bad grades and misses out on a lot of stuff.
So... I strongly discourage that behaviour. But the first problem arised when I told him that "becoming a dealer" to get money is not a very good idea, and also, graffiti-spraying across the town isn't either, especially if you do it in the front of your own house. This led him to a crisis, ignoring me since and screaming at his girlfriend.
His girlfriend (who is reasonably intelligent) wanted to meet up with me to talk about all this, but she moved it again and again. After two months of moving the talk, I got fed up with it and wrote her all of this stuff in an email (like I did here, but more personal and friendy, of course). Then, she broke down mentally and he sent me a message that he's done now with everything and angry at me. No clue what happened between them, because now, both don't talk to me anymore.
Suddenly, it's all my fault, not his, of course, just because I'm very open when I care about people and I hate censoring myself in important topics (like, that the idea of being a drug-dealer is not a good one).
I'm in a terrible situation here. Telling him that his life-choices are bad drives him crazy, makes him angry, scream and destroy things and relationships. But not telling him leads to a lifestyle that destroys his life in any way possible.
Should I just accept that his life is doomed and go on with mine? Or should I invest more time in this? Was it wrong to tell him directly?
Why do people think it's ok if he screams and shouts when he wakes up and sees that he has 3 emails (nothing bad in those mails, but just having 3 (!) new messages on his phone made him cry, scream etc.) and that this cannot be critiqued, though having some reasonable critique of his decisions and lifestyle etc., makes me a terrible person? Why do people in his environment think that only he has the right to be annoyed, but noone else does? Is "borderline" really an excuse for all of this, because I personally do not accept this as an excuse for everything, but just as a part of an explanation for some of the behaviour.
I don't get this. I really wish that I would have never known this guy, and in the future, I'll tell everybody straightly what I think and if they cannot cope with it, they're surely not the right person to be befriended with for me.
OP, trying to help the mentally ill can backfire. Mental health conditions can be unpredictable. The mind can suddenly twist things around, and view the person trying to help as some kind of evil influence. This can even go so far as to implicate you, if something should happen to your friend. I've seen that happen. It sounds like your (former) friend is a severe case of BPD. He's been diagnosed; is he getting help?
I agree with others, that your best bet is to walk away. He's ill, and there's nothing you can do to help. Sorry.
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