Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I always felt the same way about marriage. But please keep in mind, especially with a child, that marriage gives you access to benefits that you do not have right now. Like in the case of death and social security and stuff like that.
I was with my late husband for 8 years before we got married, and we only did it because it saved us 17K on our first mortgage (aren't we romantic? ), and then he unexpectedly died at 43. So I am eligible for his pension plan, didn't have to pay taxes on life insurance (I think you do if not married?), and can claim on his SS later if my current husband dies, etc.
It may seem like an improbability to you, and it is, but it DOES happen. If that piece of paper truly means nothing to you, just go do it and put both of you in a safer place financially.
Thanks for the advice
Important things to be sure, and we are in the process of making provision for him and our child/children should something unexpectedly befall me. If something should happen to him I’d still be fine financially.
Both sets of my grandparents were married for over 50 years. My parents have been married 30 years and are still going strong. I am 30 and my partner is 24. We’re expecting our first kid and we’re not married nor planning on getting married. We don’t feel the need to join into a legally binding contract in front of a bunch of witnesses or sign on the dotted line in order to prove our devotion to one another or our child/children. We are taking each other at our word ( just like married folks), but we don’t feel the need for that little piece of paper to complete the deal. I am comfortable with my partner “wanting to be with me” rather than feeling obligated because we “signed a paper”. YMMV.
^^^^^ I've never understood this attitude when a child will be involved.
What will your kid have done to deserve having parents who aren't married?
I'm a second half baby boomer, and I didn't grow up with any kids who weren't born to parents who were married. I wonder if such kids might have been shunned in our community. And I didn't grow up in a small town in the center of the country (nor the South) that was 'bathed' in religion. I was raised in a very affluent SF Bay Area suburb that wasn't particularly nor overtly religious. We were brought up that having children without being married was a low class thing to do. By the time I was in my late 20's, I had seen about half of the U.S. states, parts of Canada and Mexico, and a number of other countries on two other continents, as well as the diverse mix that the Bay Area enjoys (IOW, I had met people from many different places). I didn't knowingly meet anyone whose parents had never been married until I was almost 30.
Thanks for the advice
Important things to be sure, and we are in the process of making provision for him and our child/children should something unexpectedly befall me. If something should happen to him I’d still be fine financially.
Meh. You SHOULD be fine financially. You will PROBABLY be fine financially. A little insurance never hurt anyone.
I spent 2 years on the widow boards, and heard all kinds of stories. I'm not a huge proponent of marriage for social or religious reasons. I am for financial reasons, and honestly, to not get married is shooting yourself in the foot. Sure, you will probably be able to walk after, but why do it?
I'm done nagging you now.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Meh. You SHOULD be fine financially. You will PROBABLY be fine financially. A little insurance never hurt anyone.
I spent 2 years on the widow boards, and heard all kinds of stories. I'm not a huge proponent of marriage for social or religious reasons. I am for financial reasons, and honestly, to not get married is shooting yourself in the foot. Sure, you will probably be able to walk after, but why do it?
I'm done nagging you now.
Thanks mom!
I get it, but unless there’s a major world wide economic crash there’s no “should” or “probably” about it.
If that happens....we’re all screwed anyway. I don’t want to go into my finances right here, but if you’re really interested I can send you a DM and share my plan/circumstances.
^^^^^ I've never understood this attitude when a child will be involved.
What will your kid have done to deserve having parents who aren't married?
I'm a second half baby boomer, and I didn't grow up with any kids who weren't born to parents who were married. I wonder if such kids might have been shunned in our community. And I didn't grow up in a small town in the center of the country (nor the South) that was 'bathed' in religion. I was raised in a very affluent SF Bay Area suburb that wasn't particularly nor overtly religious. We were brought up that having children without being married was a low class thing to do. By the time I was in my late 20's, I had seen about half of the U.S. states, parts of Canada and Mexico, and a number of other countries on two other continents, as well as the diverse mix that the Bay Area enjoys (IOW, I had met people from many different places). I didn't knowingly meet anyone whose parents had never been married until I was almost 30.
Hold on there a minute June. it’s not 1950 anymore. That little piece of paper isn’t worth the stock it’s written on ( other than perhaps financially) if the relationship goes south. Look at the divorce rate. I personally think that children going through a divorce could be more at risk of being harmed/ shunned than kids who’s parents don’t happen to be married.
I know of couples who married, had kids and then it all went to ****. It was really hard on the kids.
As long as we’re good parents and food people I couldn’t care less what other people think about my relationship.
Hold on there a minute June. it’s not 1950 anymore. That little piece of paper isn’t worth the stock it’s written on ( other than perhaps financially) if the relationship goes south. Look at the divorce rate. I personally think that children going through a divorce could be more at risk of being harmed/ shunned than kids who’s parents don’t happen to be married.
I know of couples who married, had kids and then it all went to ****. It was really hard on the kids.
As long as we’re good parents and food people I couldn’t care less what other people think about my relationship.
The ONLY REASON to be married and stay married is for children and to raise them you need financial security. Divorce rate among the white collar college educated is actually declining and the biggest reason for it is also financial - divorce depletes wealth. The biggest stress on marriage is also children - shepherding them through teenage and into adulthood.
For me, it wasn't about meeting the right person at a young age though I admit to having those feelings at the time. When I pictured myself with a new lover in my life and all the things I would be doing with him, I wondered why I wouldn't try to behave like that with my current husband. There were major transitions in our life which made divorce seem like a good option. Only later did I realize that transitions can be handled with more care, skill, and anticipation so that it doesn't disrupt the ultimate goal of being happy with each other and the goal of going through the transitions together.
^^^^^ I've never understood this attitude when a child will be involved.
What will your kid have done to deserve having parents who aren't married?
Please explain how a legal document makes someone more nurturing, more loving, more attentive to their children...a better parent?
Quote:
Originally Posted by RMESMH
I was raised in a very affluent SF Bay Area suburb that wasn't particularly nor overtly religious. We were brought up that having children without being married was a low class thing to do.
Which simply illustrates that people from all walks of life can be judgmental.
For me, it wasn't about meeting the right person at a young age though I admit to having those feelings at the time. When I pictured myself with a new lover in my life and all the things I would be doing with him, I wondered why I wouldn't try to behave like that with my current husband. There were major transitions in our life which made divorce seem like a good option. Only later did I realize that transitions can be handled with more care, skill, and anticipation so that it doesn't disrupt the ultimate goal of being happy with each other and the goal of going through the transitions together.
Sorry, but you totally lost me with what you were trying to convey here
Last edited by Sydney123; 01-25-2020 at 05:11 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
), and then he unexpectedly died at 43. So I am eligible for his pension plan, didn't have to pay taxes on life insurance (I think you do if not married?), and can claim on his SS later if my current husband dies, etc.
