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Your description of your coworker reminds me so much of my mom. Same sort of thing where someone might say that one of their kids is trying out a new hobby and my mom will bust out with "I hate that hobby, always have always will!" and people are just like.... well we didn't ask you we were talking about the kid. lol
And just being so negative and also very rigid and stubborn about things. She will talk about her life or health so negatively, but when anyone tries to support her with any kind of possible solution or "Hey have you tried...x.y.z..." she will just shoot it down even if she's never tried it.
I have been curious for a long time what this personality or behavior or condition (???) is called because then I could study it and maybe learn how to communicate with her better. Because currently the way she is, it just alienates everyone because none of us know what to do with her and we don't like being around her negativity.
You have hit the nail on the head! The only reason I posted this was to try to find out why she behaves this way, but not knowing what it is, just like you with your mom, so you could cope better...BINGO! All the people in my office are at a loss as to why she is so negative and she gets in rebuttals with most everyone all the time. We just dont know what the cause is or how to deal with it.
Thank you so much for acknowledging my question of "what is going on with this personality" instead of attacking me (haters gonna hate, that is their own issue). I will give you the same support regarding your mom as I tell myself everyday when I have to deal with her...take a deep breath, don't take anything she says personal, say as little as possible, and this day will pass.
Again, thank you for at least reading my post and acknowledging my situation. I hope that things get better on your end as well!
There is a co-worker at my office who is very "difficult." I have never met anyone like her before and for the life of me can't figure her out. The other co-workers feel the same way, so its not that she just gets on my nerves. She is one of these people who has to disagree with anything and everything. Always negative. No matter how hard I try to make something positive she has to crash it down. For example, if I say "Maybe we will get all caught up with our work today" she will come back with "No we won't." For every single issue. The problem is in our department it is a tiny narrow little room with no windows. Being enclosed in there with just her drives me up the wall with her attitude. If I make small talk like "I made a new chicken recipe last night" her reply will be "I hate chicken." I didnt ask her if she liked chicken, was just sharing that I found a new recipe.
She also has some strange habits. Her work shift is from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. She comes in at 6:30 (she tells me this and other people who have had to arrive early like at 7:00 said they have seen her there). She works "for free" until 8:00 a.m. because she can't stand the fact that there is a lot of work to do. So she will powerhouse through it and by the time I get there at 8:30 the work is caught up. She also, and I kid you not, has this big jar of Vaseline on her desk and a large container of hand lotion. All throughout the day she will stop, flip open the lid on the Vaseline, put it on her lips and then go for the hand lotion and rubs her hands furiously with it. ALL DAY LONG! I cringe when I hear the sound of that lid! I don't know if that is an OCD type of thing or what is going on with that. She cannot turn her coffee pot on until 8:45 a.m., not before and not after. For lunch she eats the exact same thing every single day. She has told me she does not eat breakfast or dinner, so that is her only meal and it is THE SAME always. She uses the same terms over and over and over too, mainly "This is so frustrating" and "That irritates me." She goes to bed at 6:00 p.m. and gets up at 4:30 a.m. yet is always saying she is "sooooooo tired." On the weekends she goes nowhere....EVER. Spends the entire weekend watching TV with her boyfriend. They never go to the movies, to dinner, to friends, shopping...nothing! Her only purpose in life is to go to bed early and watch TV on the weekend. She and her boyfriend get drunk every Friday and Saturday night so they feel like crap the next day. Anyway, that part is none of my business and does not affect me, but the situation at work and being around her is horrible.
Does anyone here have any insight as to what might be this person's deal? There are so many other quirks she has which would take me all night to go into, so I will leave it at this.
Ideas?
Here's an idea: Focus on how lucky you are that you aren't her boyfriend and that after 4 pm each weekday and on weekends, you don't have to even think about her. Unless of course, you're letting her live rent-free in your head during those times.
wanting attention, to the point where *any* attention is wanted--even negative attention.
close quarters makes it hard; it sounds like you don't have the option of going out for lunch. the "mmmhmmm" sounds smart--you don't need to continue since you just 'validated' her. no point in debating from where she's coming from--"i need to be right, no matter how little i know about a topic". i've known people like this co-worker.
in my own experience, earplugs can make a more 'desperate for attention' person flip out: "you're not paying attention to my every action/word!!" if you can't avoid being
attacked verbally, i doubt if she would be allowed to touch you physically (in that case she could be seriously disturbed, and a workplace nuisance or worse and shouldn't be allowed to work there).
I wear a headset at work. When I am focusing on my work, and she can see that I am, she continues to blab, blab, blab....then when she gets no reaction from me she will say "Did you hear what I just said? You are just like my boyfriend who doesn't listen!!!" And I just give her a look and go back to my work. But I am thinking.."uh, no, your boyfriend and I choose to tune your nonsense out. We dont want to listen." Whatever her disorder is she cannot grasp this. Again, the reason for my original post. What type of person is this?
You know an awful lot about a coworker you dislike. How do you know so much about her personal life?
Right? It's like folks need something to complain about so they will focus in on things to a microscopic degree. How difficult is it for you to simply ignore and block out this person? Or would doing that get you a demerit on your sainthood card?
OP, I looked through a few negativity disorder web pages and found this one that might help explain your co-worker and how to deal with her negativity.
This is a quote from one of the things listed
Quote:
The best way to deal with all this negativity is to thank your lucky stars that you are positive and that you have overcome most of the negativity in your life. The more negative a person is, the happier you can be that you are not like them – and you will be extra careful about getting caught in their web.
Mmmmm, sounds like around here where we have our own "Gloom & Doom Broom".....or at least one. It has caused me to take on the role of the office cheerleader which I do for at least 4 reasons. First, it is needed. Secondly, since going to day shift, my energy input/output equations have shifted and this is my way of handling it. Third, being the cheerleader BOOSTS my shield buffer so another's negativity can't touch my core. Finally, it pleases me to be the cheerleader.
Hence, about what is their problem? Maybe being like is what pleases them or, at the very least, it is the only way they know for life to be. That change scares them, but then again, who isn't scared of change.
One other thing. We probably all have our quirks. The office may think off of me because I don't do the office K cup coffee, I don't come in with quick bought coffee, but haul it in from home in a thermos. Essentially, we may have our own reasons why we do things one way while everyone else does it differently. That's just us.
OP, I looked through a few negativity disorder web pages and found this one that might help explain your co-worker and how to deal with her negativity.
Thank you for sharing this informative article. I think you have made the discovery into what is going on with her personality. All 15 of those points scream her name.
I appreciate you trying to help me figure her out. It may be easier to deal with her. From now on I am going to counteract every negative statement she makes and try to make it positive. I know this will not help her change, she will never change or be able to overcome this, but it will help me knowing I am trying to keep things upbeat. Regarding one of those 15 points the one about constant worry stood out. She has said "I have to worry. I find things to worry about or else I dont feel right." Wow.
I have worked with her for a year and a half. Again, please note that we are stuck in this small room with just us in it. When you are in a tiny room there will be conversation. It is impossible to not speak at all in a room with someone 40 hours a week.
I know what she has for lunch because we eat at our desks and work through lunch. In our profession we have to be on call at all times. She and I lunch in the same room. I dont want to reveal what we do, but it has always been this way that we have to eat and work. I understand your rationale of getting out, but it is not an option for us.
Thanks for the insight. My thoughts were OCD and if I were her I would definitely be depressed I think.
Yes, the drinking on weekends is one thing that made me think of depression; she's self-medicating. And happy people generally don't react the way you describe, to simple conversation topics.
Your job environment sounds brutal, from the somewhat cramped quarters perspective. There doesn't seem to be much you can do, except perhaps start looking for a job elsewhere.
There is a co-worker at my office who is very "difficult." I have never met anyone like her before and for the life of me can't figure her out. The other co-workers feel the same way, so its not that she just gets on my nerves. She is one of these people who has to disagree with anything and everything. Always negative. No matter how hard I try to make something positive she has to crash it down. For example, if I say "Maybe we will get all caught up with our work today" she will come back with "No we won't." For every single issue. The problem is in our department it is a tiny narrow little room with no windows. Being enclosed in there with just her drives me up the wall with her attitude. If I make small talk like "I made a new chicken recipe last night" her reply will be "I hate chicken." I didnt ask her if she liked chicken, was just sharing that I found a new recipe.
She also has some strange habits. Her work shift is from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. She comes in at 6:30 (she tells me this and other people who have had to arrive early like at 7:00 said they have seen her there). She works "for free" until 8:00 a.m. because she can't stand the fact that there is a lot of work to do. So she will powerhouse through it and by the time I get there at 8:30 the work is caught up. She also, and I kid you not, has this big jar of Vaseline on her desk and a large container of hand lotion. All throughout the day she will stop, flip open the lid on the Vaseline, put it on her lips and then go for the hand lotion and rubs her hands furiously with it. ALL DAY LONG! I cringe when I hear the sound of that lid! I don't know if that is an OCD type of thing or what is going on with that. She cannot turn her coffee pot on until 8:45 a.m., not before and not after. For lunch she eats the exact same thing every single day. She has told me she does not eat breakfast or dinner, so that is her only meal and it is THE SAME always. She uses the same terms over and over and over too, mainly "This is so frustrating" and "That irritates me." She goes to bed at 6:00 p.m. and gets up at 4:30 a.m. yet is always saying she is "sooooooo tired." On the weekends she goes nowhere....EVER. Spends the entire weekend watching TV with her boyfriend. They never go to the movies, to dinner, to friends, shopping...nothing! Her only purpose in life is to go to bed early and watch TV on the weekend. She and her boyfriend get drunk every Friday and Saturday night so they feel like crap the next day. Anyway, that part is none of my business and does not affect me, but the situation at work and being around her is horrible.
Does anyone here have any insight as to what might be this person's deal? There are so many other quirks she has which would take me all night to go into, so I will leave it at this.
Ideas?
I get that she annoys you at work but what does what she eats for lunch and her personal life have to do with anything? She and her boyfriend get drunk and stay in bed all weekend. So what? Why does that bother you? I think you just don't like this person and you will have a problem with anything she does and says.
You have hit the nail on the head! The only reason I posted this was to try to find out why she behaves this way, but not knowing what it is, just like you with your mom, so you could cope better...BINGO! All the people in my office are at a loss as to why she is so negative and she gets in rebuttals with most everyone all the time. We just dont know what the cause is or how to deal with it.
Thank you so much for acknowledging my question of "what is going on with this personality" instead of attacking me (haters gonna hate, that is their own issue). I will give you the same support regarding your mom as I tell myself everyday when I have to deal with her...take a deep breath, don't take anything she says personal, say as little as possible, and this day will pass.
Again, thank you for at least reading my post and acknowledging my situation. I hope that things get better on your end as well!
Thanks and you're welcome When I read your post I just immediately understood because that's exactly what I've been dealing with, with my mom practically my whole life. She was an alcoholic but now she swears she is sober so my therapist has suggested she a "dry drunk" but I think there's something else going on, too... some sort of mental illness or personality disorder or maybe depression, I really don't know.
You want to understand whatever it is because you want to then know how to best navigate that relationship.
You have to work - share an office with - this person and if you knew the best way to handle whatever that is that is going on, you would in order to create more peace and harmony and happiness.
People that are saying "find a new job" or put the earbuds in or whatever, I think they just have not had to deal with a similar situation. You may love your job or it may be that realistically you know how difficult it is to find a new job or whatever numerous reasons you have - why should you have to leave a job when it is someone else's behavior that is creating the situation? Just like I can't help who my mom is, if I could just figure out what's going on and learn how best to deal with it things could hopefully improve, too.
Also regarding the lunch thing... the last two jobs I've had it was sort of an unwritten understanding that you ate lunch at the office and didn't leave the premises. We didn't specifically have to stay at our desk, but if they needed us and they couldn't find us we were dealt a "conversation". I don't want to go more into what type of work it was, but for that particular job I understood and it was something I was willing to do because the work was interesting and worthwhile. Things would come up and if they needed you, you needed to be available even if you were technically on lunch.
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When I read your post I just immediately understood because that's exactly what I've been dealing with, with my mom practically my whole life. She was an alcoholic but now she swears she is sober so my therapist has suggested she a "dry drunk" but I think there's something else going on, too... some sort of mental illness or personality disorder or maybe depression, I really don't know.
