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How on earth would I go about this otherwise? I don't particularly like to form new friendships. Most people bore the hell out of me. I am very selective.
Just the mere act of hanging out with new people just to meet a chick repulses me. So I better like to hang with them and consider all else a bonus, not the other way around.
I do like some people, but not a lot. Getting new friends is not like going shopping. It's not that easy.
Thus we land at Tinder...
you are not bored of people. you are depressed. You think no one gets you, but you don't get yourself. "Why me?" you said. Just accept the reality of you having difficulty connecting with others. Feel the sadness. You are lonely, you want others to understand you. Don't be ashamed of crying, of feeling sad. Express yourself to others. Tell people close to you how you feel. Lonely, scared that you won't find anyone. Are you afraid they will laugh? If it's a big problem for you, then treat it like one. Ask for help.
Try to find positive things in others, instead of finding what makes them boring. You are not special, noone is. Everyone has EXACTLY the same value. A model could be with an "ugly" person cause they have a great character. A "dumb" person could be with a genius cause they are upbeat and charming.
You are searching for yourself, not others. Well find yourself first, and then you'll find someone in no time.
Speed dating? Matchmaker? Online dating? Other local activities that interest you (sports, church, community volunteering, etc.). What about local events like festivals, fairs, food tastings, music events, etc.?
And to +1 Gohangr, you need to work on and get real with yourself before you can find someone else.
I have reached a point akin to learned helplessness when it comes to romantic relationships.
The main source of my failures is incompatibility. I have been in love on maybe one occassion. I keep wanting those that are not within my reach and dismiss those that are.
Additionally, I no longer have a social life and I am completely marginalised on Tinder with no matches worthy of the name, and the ones that are either A) don't even respond to the first message B) respond but never again) C) delete me after our first conversation. Iusually don't even get half decent matches at all, but even on the rare occassion that I do, it's the same pattern on repeat.
I have no idea what they seek in a man but I am clearly not that person.
While I enjoy the life as a lonewolf, I know looking forward that I would be very depressed as an elderly when I have nothing left and nobody to care for, and nobody caring for me. I can't imagine what a sorry existence it would be.
The problem I face now is that I can't improve on the situation without any social networks. I lead a lonely life with one friend (count it) who mostly likes to talk about himself.
I have tried a bunch of different hobbies (martial arts, chess) but needless to say, they were not exactly littered with babes (to put it mildly).
While I enjoy single life, I now feel I am in a position to enter a serious relationship, but it's as if I didn't take my chances early on and it has now comeback to haunt me.
If you were a betting person, would you bet on this situation to persist to the day I die concidering I have no social life and very limited options to meet someone?
The only way I can see out of it is meeting someone in my undergraduate program next term, but apart from that, I would say slim to none..
You are starting to sound desperate. People can smell that a mile away. Take it easy and things will work out.
Basically women generally speaking lust after alpha males and bad boys and settle down with nice guys. They like confidence, humor, and fun. I probably won't ever marry or have kids at this point either OP. Dont feel bad about it...throughout the history of our species only about 1 in 3 men or 33% passed on their seed, at least before the advent of religion. If you want to improve your desirability, the above article is useful.
Speed dating? Matchmaker? Online dating? Other local activities that interest you (sports, church, community volunteering, etc.). What about local events like festivals, fairs, food tastings, music events, etc.?
And to +1 Gohangr, you need to work on and get real with yourself before you can find someone else.
None of these will work if you arent confident in yourself. You can go to these events, eat food and come back without eve talking to anyone. No one is there waiting for you to make you happy.
How on earth would I go about this otherwise? I don't particularly like to form new friendships. Most people bore the hell out of me. I am very selective.
Just the mere act of hanging out with new people just to meet a chick repulses me. So I better like to hang with them and consider all else a bonus, not the other way around.
I do like some people, but not a lot. Getting new friends is not like going shopping. It's not that easy.
Thus we land at Tinder...
A good romantic relationship always has friendship at its core. A purely sexual relationship will leave you empty, and there will be little to no romance. So you're going to have to come out of your shell and socialize more. I second what others have suggested about social activities, festivals, and especially speed dating. It really gets you some good practice with introducing yourself (over and over and over) and making first impressions, and will generally make you more comfortable with people.
If you are as selective as you say, you're going to be searching for a very, VERY long time. Every committed couple that I know have at least one thing about his/her significant other that irritates them like crazy. Yet they are still very much in love. They work through it or learn to live with it, because guess what? NOBODY is perfect, not you, not me.
And as a side note...you're 30, you've got to stop calling women "chicks." This is coming from a 30-year-old woman, by the way. It makes you sound no older than a 16-year-old boy circa 1985. You might as well shoot yourself in the foot and get it over with!
Get out there and meet people. You already know you have absolutely nothing to lose.
Last edited by DFWAg; 06-23-2019 at 01:15 PM..
Reason: Grammar and style
A good romantic relationship always has friendship at its core. A purely sexual relationship will leave you empty, and there will be little to no romance. So you're going to have to come out of your shell and socialize more. I second what others have suggested about social activities, festivals, and especially speed dating. It really gets you some good practice with introducing yourself (over and over and over) and making first impressions, and will generally make you more comfortable with people.
If you are as selective as you say, you're going to be searching for a very, VERY long time. Every committed couple that I know have at least one thing about his/her significant other that irritates them like crazy. Yet they are still very much in love. They work through it or learn to live with it, because guess what? NOBODY is perfect, not you, not me.
And as a side note...you're 30, you've got to stop calling women "chicks." This is coming from a 30-year-old woman, by the way. It makes you sound no older than a 16-year-old boy circa 1985. You might as well shoot yourself in the foot and get it over with!
Get out there and meet people. You already know you have absolutely nothing to lose.
I fear the state of apathy is in effect right now. I just don't believe in it anymore. My level of excitement has correspondingly declined. I still worry about the long-term effects, though.
I will admit that observing people who'm I consider to be "socially hopeless" hook up makes me feel even worse and useless. I consider it something of a feat to be attractive, intelligent, funny, and still not achieving anything of substance in 30 years.
My desire these days is more out of boredom than longing, although I do still want it. Different from before where it was 90% longing.
For someone who claims to be smarter than everyone else, you keep saying you've been unloved for "30 years" to be dramatic. You weren't a viable romantic prospect at 10--it's more like 15 years of dating eligibility.
For someone who claims to be smarter than everyone else, you keep saying you've been unloved for "30 years" to be dramatic. You weren't a viable romantic prospect at 10--it's more like 15 years of dating eligibility.
How profound.
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