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Let's figure it out together. First of all no, life shouldn't be about probabilities. You are already alive, and you already have the tools to shape your life however you want.
You said the main source of your failures is incompatibility. Incompatibility in what?
do you feel others don't understand you? or maybe you don't understand others and in what way.
You want people not within your reach. What is your reach and why do you think they are out of reach?
I don't have any attraction to those that desire me, not even sexually. The ones I do seek have been either taken or snubbed me.
It's better to have no relationship and learn to accept that than to try and make one work just for its own sake or to keep up appearances.
I have heard from several people over the years, friends who tell me life was just perfect until they got hitched up with "her."
And now they are stuck, she will ruin them if they try and leave... "Man, it was the biggest mistake of my life...!"
At your age, women seem to still be in the "bad boy" phase, they want some arrogant, offensive slop, a "nice guy" doesn't have a chance.
But then, years later, after he dumps them, then they are ready to settle down with the nice guy so he can support them.
As others have said, you are still young, it's not like the old days where he gets a job for $100 a week and marries his school sweetheart at age 21.
But, if you find that you do have to live that lonely life, realize that for many married people it is just about the same level of hell... AND LONELINESS! Maybe even worse, for once you are with someone you no longer like, your options for getting someone else are next to nothing.
My father married a woman and divorces her and married her again and divorced her again, this was before my mother, who he married for three years and that ended in divorce.
I know society is geared toward the nuclear family, but you don't have to live your life to please anyone else, and there are advantages and disadvantages to both sides of most things.
Thx
Yeah, I know. But I would rather just try it at this point, since I never have.
Yeah, I know. But I would rather just try it at this point, since I never have.
Well, I'm not saying you shouldn't and it's too early to just give up.
But... I wonder if you might inadvertently come off as "anxious" or even "needy," people can pick up vibes you know, perhaps if you can set it aside and just be a bit more casual about it.
My point in those posts was though, I had a lot of the same kind of introspection here, I wondered when I would meet that "Miss right," and it never happened. (Like you, the ones I liked didn't like me.)
But later as I got a bit older I began to see that things were not as rosy as one might imagine, people were not so much "happy" as "enduring."
Loneliness, people need a balance, and I believe one of the biggest hang-ups in relationships can be "my space."
Sometimes someone in a relationship will be kind of "gone" for stretches of time, the spouse figures they must be cheating somewhere, well, they might be, but plenty are just trying to get some solitude.
Sounds like too high expectations. And Tinder? That's not the best place to look. 30 is young, as other's have said, you're entering your prime for dating (30-45'ish). Women have it just as hard or harder,... you are pigeonholing women and 'others' as well- not a good look. Try and make the best of it, and align your expectations with reality.
Well, I'm not saying you shouldn't and it's too early to just give up.
But... I wonder if you might inadvertently come off as "anxious" or even "needy," people can pick up vibes you know, perhaps if you can set it aside and just be a bit more casual about it.
It's kind of an evil circle here. I don't encounter that many people and I'm very selective. If I once in a blue moon take a liking to a girl I might get too anxious. That has happened. But it does not account for the majority of occassions though. I mostly don't think there is any chemistry with the girl, or there is something I just don't like about her, or she doesn't like about me.
I have been on a soulmate search all my life and never even entertained the thought of anything else but sparks and excitement. I also feel it's somewhat meaningless to NOT have that and still enter a relationship, and it's wrong to her if I don't feel the same
way back.
This recognition led me to instead try and find girls who are only interested in sex buddies. That was about as difficult of a task as the one I was on. I have the looks but they sense that I don't have a social network online and delete me.
I have also misread women who are just flirtaous by their nature, and learned that you should never go on body language with women, it's actually their interest in you as a person that is a bigger marker. If she doesn't take any interest in you personally and asks questions, chances are she is not interested, no matter how her eyes penetrate your soul and she gives off that smile we all know.
Do you think you are ugly or fat or anything that has to do with outward appearance?
I have met girls who said that I can get anyone I want, when my friend teased that I was single unlike him.
That doesn't do me any good online though, there are other factors at play there.
But if I had the corresponding look as a girl, this problem wouldn't exist. Men are more visually excited than women and would go for a nice picture. Women know they can demand more, and so they do.
Another thing is that when I did have a more social life, got invited to parties and stuff, they were all within an enclosed groups of couples.
Do most people hook up with their co-worker in adult life, because friend connections led me nowhere. 99.9% of all girls attended parties with the boyfriend. I could as might as well stayed home every single time.
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