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When I look back on my life so far (I'm 34), I realize a trend: I'm not the type who likes to rock the boat.
I'm introverted -- friendly, but low-key and relaxed.
I graduated high school and college with honors, but I was never the loudest or most popular/social student.
I've always been serious about doing my work well and on time, but I am not the kind who wants to do more than is required (e.g., I don't care about becoming a manager or VP).
I've never been big on extracurricular activities, social events, and the like. Once school or work ends, I want to go home and relax/spend time with friends and family.
Aside from being introverted, my personality mirrors my mom's. She raised to be a goody-two shoes of sorts. I've never smoked or drank a can of beer in my life. (Granted, I've tasted liquor, but I just don't like it.)
Even when I was in elementary school, I was already thinking about "the one." I've only been in one serious relationship my whole life -- and it's with the woman I'm married to today.
As far as my career, I left a job at a startup in 2011 to come to my current employer. It was a great move, as I ended up getting a $16,000 pay bump and much better benefits.
Eight years later, I'm still in the same role. I've continued getting incremental pay increases over the years. I do feel bored/unchallenged but have remained here because of the flexibility the position gives me as far as vacations and appointments. I can leave at 5 and never have to work from home or on the weekends.
I've interviewed for a couple of positions outside the company, and most recently for a lateral position within this company. Even though they didn't pan out because of salary, I have a feeling I'd still stay because I'm that afraid of the unknown and losing what I have.
I have a wife and mortgage to think about, and after graduating from college (10 or 11 years ago), I wound up quitting two jobs at non-profits because I felt overwhelmed. I'm the worrywart/anxious type that doesn't work well under too much stress. Thankfully, all the jobs I have taken in the travel industry have worked out for me.
Being risk averse and making calculated decisions has kept me out of trouble in many ways. I've led a relatively safe, stable life. I have been able to save up a good amount of money in the process, buy our condo, etc.
But I don't know if that means I've made the best of it. Sometimes I feel I'm a bit too careful/contemplative for my own good. It's the reason why I've stressed over whether I want to have kids. The unknown scares me to death. But given my tendency toward anxiety, I feel it's a way to protect myself.
I see people my age switching jobs and having kids without giving it so much thought and sometimes wish I could be like them.
For what it's worth, I would venture a guess, that MOST people had children more or less accidentally. lol
I understand being risk adverse. I'm much the same way. I like my status quo. Sometimes to my detriment, I will admit.
If you think you SHOULD be different...maybe make a list of pros and cons, and then whichever side is longest, go with it.
OR, accept that you're risk adverse. It's just the way you're wired, and there's nothing wrong with that. Besides, sometimes life throws adversity at us anyway, and we have to learn how to live with it, get through it, etc.
When I look back on my life so far (I'm 34), I realize a trend: I'm not the type who likes to rock the boat.
I'm introverted -- friendly, but low-key and relaxed.
I graduated high school and college with honors, but I was never the loudest or most popular/social student.
I've always been serious about doing my work well and on time, but I am not the kind who wants to do more than is required (e.g., I don't care about becoming a manager or VP).
I've never been big on extracurricular activities, social events, and the like. Once school or work ends, I want to go home and relax/spend time with friends and family.
Aside from being introverted, my personality mirrors my mom's. She raised to be a goody-two shoes of sorts. I've never smoked or drank a can of beer in my life. (Granted, I've tasted liquor, but I just don't like it.)
Even when I was in elementary school, I was already thinking about "the one." I've only been in one serious relationship my whole life -- and it's with the woman I'm married to today.
As far as my career, I left a job at a startup in 2011 to come to my current employer. It was a great move, as I ended up getting a $16,000 pay bump and much better benefits.
Eight years later, I'm still in the same role. I've continued getting incremental pay increases over the years. I do feel bored/unchallenged but have remained here because of the flexibility the position gives me as far as vacations and appointments. I can leave at 5 and never have to work from home or on the weekends.
I've interviewed for a couple of positions outside the company, and most recently for a lateral position within this company. Even though they didn't pan out because of salary, I have a feeling I'd still stay because I'm that afraid of the unknown and losing what I have.
I have a wife and mortgage to think about, and after graduating from college (10 or 11 years ago), I wound up quitting two jobs at non-profits because I felt overwhelmed. I'm the worrywart/anxious type that doesn't work well under too much stress. Thankfully, all the jobs I have taken in the travel industry have worked out for me.
Being risk averse and making calculated decisions has kept me out of trouble in many ways. I've led a relatively safe, stable life. I have been able to save up a good amount of money in the process, buy our condo, etc.
But I don't know if that means I've made the best of it. Sometimes I feel I'm a bit too careful/contemplative for my own good. It's the reason why I've stressed over whether I want to have kids. The unknown scares me to death. But given my tendency toward anxiety, I feel it's a way to protect myself.
I see people my age switching jobs and having kids without giving it so much thought and sometimes wish I could be like them.
At the sage age of 34 you've summed everything up? Grasshopper, you've barely lived 1/3 of your life unless that speeding bus simply hasn't found you yet. How do you define "made the best of it"?? Not exactly the same for everyone and even if it was its a moving target. Guess I don't really understand why you have to resolve this love-hate relationship in the first place. We are all a combination of innate tendencies colored by our experiences. Guess I don't see the point of putting everything about ourselves into tidy boxes to the point there's no striving, no struggle.
My Dad, a chem engineer, had a plaque hanging over his desk that read:
"Old chemists never die. They just reach equilibrium."
Equilibrium = no reactions going on at all. No exchange, no attempt to balance anything out. Stasis. How different is that than death?
Last edited by Parnassia; 10-07-2019 at 01:05 PM..
When I look back on my life so far (I'm 34), I realize a trend: I'm not the type who likes to rock the boat.
I'm introverted -- friendly, but low-key and relaxed.
I graduated high school and college with honors, but I was never the loudest or most popular/social student.
I've always been serious about doing my work well and on time, but I am not the kind who wants to do more than is required (e.g., I don't care about becoming a manager or VP).
I've never been big on extracurricular activities, social events, and the like. Once school or work ends, I want to go home and relax/spend time with friends and family.
Aside from being introverted, my personality mirrors my mom's. She raised to be a goody-two shoes of sorts. I've never smoked or drank a can of beer in my life. (Granted, I've tasted liquor, but I just don't like it.)
Even when I was in elementary school, I was already thinking about "the one." I've only been in one serious relationship my whole life -- and it's with the woman I'm married to today.
As far as my career, I left a job at a startup in 2011 to come to my current employer. It was a great move, as I ended up getting a $16,000 pay bump and much better benefits.
Eight years later, I'm still in the same role. I've continued getting incremental pay increases over the years. I do feel bored/unchallenged but have remained here because of the flexibility the position gives me as far as vacations and appointments. I can leave at 5 and never have to work from home or on the weekends.
I've interviewed for a couple of positions outside the company, and most recently for a lateral position within this company. Even though they didn't pan out because of salary, I have a feeling I'd still stay because I'm that afraid of the unknown and losing what I have.
I have a wife and mortgage to think about, and after graduating from college (10 or 11 years ago), I wound up quitting two jobs at non-profits because I felt overwhelmed. I'm the worrywart/anxious type that doesn't work well under too much stress. Thankfully, all the jobs I have taken in the travel industry have worked out for me.
Being risk averse and making calculated decisions has kept me out of trouble in many ways. I've led a relatively safe, stable life. I have been able to save up a good amount of money in the process, buy our condo, etc.
But I don't know if that means I've made the best of it. Sometimes I feel I'm a bit too careful/contemplative for my own good. It's the reason why I've stressed over whether I want to have kids. The unknown scares me to death. But given my tendency toward anxiety, I feel it's a way to protect myself.
I see people my age switching jobs and having kids without giving it so much thought and sometimes wish I could be like them.
You're absolutely fine the way you are, and don't let anyone tell you different.
When I look back on my life so far (I'm 34), I realize a trend: I'm not the type who likes to rock the boat.
I'm introverted -- friendly, but low-key and relaxed.
I graduated high school and college with honors, but I was never the loudest or most popular/social student.
I've always been serious about doing my work well and on time, but I am not the kind who wants to do more than is required (e.g., I don't care about becoming a manager or VP).
I've never been big on extracurricular activities, social events, and the like. Once school or work ends, I want to go home and relax/spend time with friends and family.
Aside from being introverted, my personality mirrors my mom's. She raised to be a goody-two shoes of sorts. I've never smoked or drank a can of beer in my life. (Granted, I've tasted liquor, but I just don't like it.)
Even when I was in elementary school, I was already thinking about "the one." I've only been in one serious relationship my whole life -- and it's with the woman I'm married to today.
As far as my career, I left a job at a startup in 2011 to come to my current employer. It was a great move, as I ended up getting a $16,000 pay bump and much better benefits.
Eight years later, I'm still in the same role. I've continued getting incremental pay increases over the years. I do feel bored/unchallenged but have remained here because of the flexibility the position gives me as far as vacations and appointments. I can leave at 5 and never have to work from home or on the weekends.
I've interviewed for a couple of positions outside the company, and most recently for a lateral position within this company. Even though they didn't pan out because of salary, I have a feeling I'd still stay because I'm that afraid of the unknown and losing what I have.
I have a wife and mortgage to think about, and after graduating from college (10 or 11 years ago), I wound up quitting two jobs at non-profits because I felt overwhelmed. I'm the worrywart/anxious type that doesn't work well under too much stress. Thankfully, all the jobs I have taken in the travel industry have worked out for me.
Being risk averse and making calculated decisions has kept me out of trouble in many ways. I've led a relatively safe, stable life. I have been able to save up a good amount of money in the process, buy our condo, etc.
But I don't know if that means I've made the best of it. Sometimes I feel I'm a bit too careful/contemplative for my own good. It's the reason why I've stressed over whether I want to have kids. The unknown scares me to death. But given my tendency toward anxiety, I feel it's a way to protect myself.
I see people my age switching jobs and having kids without giving it so much thought and sometimes wish I could be like them.
It's funny, but at my age, early 60's, I have come to the realization that simple is best.
I'm not going to ever be someone who can just pay for a jet to fly me somewhere, etc.
So, unless you realistically can think of actually wanting and loving what it would take to achieve more than you have -- then what's left is accepting what you have.
Now, that doesn't have to be a bad thing. If you realize what you have actually allows you to have a life after 5pm and that that is a huge blessing in itself, then you can feel blessed instead of depressed.
It comes down to what you really want or what you are okay with accepting or settling for.
In my old age, I know now that to be truly happy, especially if you want a family, is you need to look at a job as a means to afford your family 8 - 5, or whatever hours are reasonable so that you have lots of time to be with your family.
And, we all know that as kids we don't care how much money our parents have. We just want their time.
So, if you end up in a profession that you enjoy, that ends at 5pm and you can then go home and play catch or work on math problems with your kids, etc. you and your family will be a lot more happy than if you took some high paying job farther away from home and you had no time for them.
I've interviewed for a couple of positions outside the company, and most recently for a lateral position within this company. Even though they didn't pan out because of salary, I have a feeling I'd still stay because I'm that afraid of the unknown and losing what I have.
I have a wife and mortgage to think about, and after graduating from college (10 or 11 years ago), I wound up quitting two jobs at non-profits because I felt overwhelmed. I'm the worrywart/anxious type that doesn't work well under too much stress. Thankfully, all the jobs I have taken in the travel industry have worked out for me.
...
I see people my age switching jobs and having kids without giving it so much thought and sometimes wish I could be like them.
Hey successful person.
First of all, what is bad about not being the type that rocks the boat? is it something negative?
Second, what has your wife said about these thoughts that you shared with us. Our significant others usually can help us think outside of the box. This is why conversation is important. You are not alone on this. You have a partner.
Personally I feel like you have done a lot of things for someone your age. I am also 34 and I guess I am a bit more on the extroverted side. I dropped out of university cause I didn't like it, but only after 11 years of struggling to accept that I have to do what I want to in order to be happy. I was always a good student, but only because I found learning new things interesting. Sometimes you just have to listen to your heart.
You don't need to have children. But if both you and your partner want to, you can. Kids only need love.
Life is not about taking risks or playing it safe. Life is gonna happen whether you want it or not. Just enjoy every moment of it. And start appreciating your skills a bit more.
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