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WRONG that only defective women can be (initially) attracted to them. I don't think the DSM covers that aspect.
LOL defective.
Sometimes folks on these boards say things that just make me wanna be like, "Do you even human?"
There is a reason that I used the word, VULNERABLE rather than defective, or damaged, or anything like that. And more often than not, EVERY HUMAN BEING is vulnerable during temporary times in their lives when they're experiencing more difficulty or challenge than usual. Vulnerability is a normal part of being a normal person. You are not "defective" because you're vulnerable.
Look at it this way. Scammers often target the elderly. Because the elderly are vulnerable to their scams. Not knowing a ton about computers, why would Grandpa understand that the guy on the phone is not from Microsoft and you shouldn't follow his directions and give remote access of your computer to this person? It isn't that Grandpa is DEFECTIVE, after all, this is perhaps a man who has survived a lot longer than me or you, maybe fought through wars, had a successful career and managed to retire...Grandpa is far from defective. But because he's dealing with the challenges of perhaps age and infirmity, and the challenges of rapidly changing technology...he is VULNERABLE. Has he always been vulnerable like this? Is it a character defect? No.
But here we are.
And the scammers know it.
Certain times in a person's life often make us vulnerable. I know multiple people, from one player who just knows how to get casual sex flings going, to a downright con artist who lives entirely on the generosity of others, and they target vulnerable people. Both of them have a repeat pattern of zeroing in on women who are getting a divorce, or getting ready to, or just did. (This is how and why I had my own interactions with them.) I wouldn't call either a psychopath or whatever, because I don't have the expertise to diagnose people, but both of them were users in their own way. Very successful ones.
Fortunately, once I'd gotten clear of my problems and my emotional duress, I could easily shake them off and move on. "Oof, ya got me." And today? Well, I don't have much animosity for the player, just wish he had felt OK being more honest with me. I'd have actually agreed to casual sex with him, he didn't need to lie. The con artist though? Ohh..."may the fleas of a thousand camels..." That guy is getting his karmic just desserts, though. I haven't talked to him in years but I get news of him now and then. Sooner or later, people's generosity runs out.
And here we are... instead of finding this is a non-news article stating the Captain-Obvious fact that women-- like all people-- are attracted to confident, self-assured, charming men (as are all people, in relationships romantic, platonic, and business), with a misleading and provocative headline, and instead of saying as such (except for a couple of us), yawning, and moving on, we turn it into yet another woman-bashing thread. Women like confidence. How dare they???
I'm pretty sure that if a woman helped an old lady and her puppy across the street, men would tell her she was wrong to do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
...unless you're Right Said Fred. He's too sexy for his shirt. I'm OK with that.
But, he's so sexy it hurts!
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG
Exactly! Psychopaths have severe mental problems, this is nothing to romanticize or admire, in any way. I'm not sure anyone else on this thread ever knew a true diagnosed psychopath.
There's an interesting documentary that interviewed psychopaths in prison. A researcher found that they are unable to recognize certain facial expressions, one is fear. One of the prisoners admitted he didn't know what to call that face except it's the same one he used to see right before he stabbed someone.
Did you read the article? Or any of the posts saying what it was actually about? Because the article did not
DID NOT
DID NOT
DID. FREAKING. NOT.
say women "romanticize or admire" mental problems. It didn't even HINT at that.
It literally said that women are attracted to confident, self-assured, charming men, which can be traits of a psychopath (or, of any "normal" person who is considered healthy and desirable to spend time with in any capacity or context, but that's not going to raise anyone's ire). And that is all it said.
O. M. F. G. How many times do I (and others) need to say this in this thread??? Do my posts actually show up on this forum? Can anyone besides me see them? Helloooooo, is anybody out there???
It's not that easy - you make it seem like we meet a guy and the guy says "I am a psychopath, I hit women, I abuse them, I manipulate them and suck the life out of them and then I treat them like garbage because I am mentally sick." And the woman says "Cool, let's date. I want to be treated badly."
It goes more like that - a woman meets a very nice, sincere, deep and sensitive guy who MAYBE discloses that he has a bad past, BUT he is mature now and so much better, only maybe sometimes is a little depressed. The woman falls for him because he is an amazing person and makes her feel like a princess.
THEN he changes.
Could you unpack that process of how the psychopath changes and what were the things you first started noticing that made you aware that you were dating a psychopath?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
LOL defective.
Sometimes folks on these boards say things that just make me wanna be like, "Do you even human?"
There is a reason that I used the word, VULNERABLE rather than defective, or damaged, or anything like that. And more often than not, EVERY HUMAN BEING is vulnerable during temporary times in their lives when they're experiencing more difficulty or challenge than usual. Vulnerability is a normal part of being a normal person. You are not "defective" because you're vulnerable.
Look at it this way. Scammers often target the elderly. Because the elderly are vulnerable to their scams. Not knowing a ton about computers, why would Grandpa understand that the guy on the phone is not from Microsoft and you shouldn't follow his directions and give remote access of your computer to this person? It isn't that Grandpa is DEFECTIVE, after all, this is perhaps a man who has survived a lot longer than me or you, maybe fought through wars, had a successful career and managed to retire...Grandpa is far from defective. But because he's dealing with the challenges of perhaps age and infirmity, and the challenges of rapidly changing technology...he is VULNERABLE. Has he always been vulnerable like this? Is it a character defect? No.
But here we are.
And the scammers know it.
Certain times in a person's life often make us vulnerable. I know multiple people, from one player who just knows how to get casual sex flings going, to a downright con artist who lives entirely on the generosity of others, and they target vulnerable people. Both of them have a repeat pattern of zeroing in on women who are getting a divorce, or getting ready to, or just did. (This is how and why I had my own interactions with them.) I wouldn't call either a psychopath or whatever, because I don't have the expertise to diagnose people, but both of them were users in their own way. Very successful ones.
Fortunately, once I'd gotten clear of my problems and my emotional duress, I could easily shake them off and move on. "Oof, ya got me." And today? Well, I don't have much animosity for the player, just wish he had felt OK being more honest with me. I'd have actually agreed to casual sex with him, he didn't need to lie. The con artist though? Ohh..."may the fleas of a thousand camels..." That guy is getting his karmic just desserts, though. I haven't talked to him in years but I get news of him now and then. Sooner or later, people's generosity runs out.
I don't want to hijack the thread completely, but because you have some experience with both psychopaths and kink, is there any correlation between sexual sadism in the BDSM sense of the term and clinical psychopathy?
Some of them are interesting/exciting/good in bed.
Just like guys who are attracted to female psychopaths . . .
Hey, I'm all for 'interesting/exciting/good in bed' - but I draw the line before psychopath - lol (and I have to believe everyone else does at well, at least knowingly).
That said, we have all found ourselves dating someone who turned out to be different than we anticipated - whether she was 'not right for us' or 'downright crazy', but then the 'normal' thing to do is to break up. Problems arise when many don't know how to (or can't) do this; once they are in a relationship, they become dependent upon it.
So it's not the initial attraction that's the problem - it's staying in it (and not letting go) after you realize there is a problem with the person i.e. psychopath or the relationship, whatever. Either way, knowing when to jump ship (or the choice to be in it for the long haul) is critical to any (potential) relationship (and that's how some women - and men - find themselves in less than desirable relationships).
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 11-06-2019 at 10:07 PM..
Did you read the article? Or any of the posts saying what it was actually about? Because the article did not
DID NOT
DID NOT
DID. FREAKING. NOT.
say women "romanticize or admire" mental problems. It didn't even HINT at that.
It literally said that women are attracted to confident, self-assured, charming men, which can be traits of a psychopath (or, of any "normal" person who is considered healthy and desirable to spend time with in any capacity or context, but that's not going to raise anyone's ire).
I did read the article. Did you watch the video underneath? That's the documentary I mentioned in my post about psychopaths in prison.
I don't want to hijack the thread completely, but because you have some experience with both psychopaths and kink, is there any correlation between sexual sadism in the BDSM sense of the term and clinical psychopathy?
Not really. There have been very unhealthy people who were drawn to BDSM as a potential sphere of operation, but the community aspect means that violators are spotted and flagged and shoved out of the scene. I know a great many sadists who are extremely healthy and very sane people. If anything, one is somewhat safer in the context of the community because it's common practice to "vet" a possible partner you are considering. We actually encourage people to speak to exes, former play partners, figures in the community who simply "know everybody" and so on, and gather information.
I was called upon to vet the man who owns the club where I volunteer, a little over a year ago. I told the woman that I recommended him for friendship and for play, but when it comes to forming a romantic relationship, I'm not saying DON'T but I am saying that his love life is complicated, he is poly, and he may over-promise up front and under-deliver over time. He's pulled in a lot of directions. Yellow light, proceed with caution.
This sort of thing might look like gossip to some, but we consider it to be part of the "informed" part of informed consent. Sometimes after a breakup, a partner might tell lies or speak from a place where they've spun matters in their own heads, but enough people know them both and know how it all really went down, that the truth ends up coming out. It isn't a perfect system, but it's something. And knowing how important one's reputation can be, usually gives people an incentive to behave.
No, the most common story heard in these circles is that someone came from an abusive "vanilla" relationship, and finds a far more healthy one in the scene.
The bad actors either wind up in jail (it's happened) or they end up unable to operate in the community, and just prowling the internet and insisting that they only play in private, trying to lure people to their homes. But they can just as easily hunt on any dating platform, and the community cannot police the whole world or the whole internet.
They had to do a study on this? Ask any 7th grade boy which guy gets the girl and they will tell you the bully, the bad boy, the guy that causes problems.
This continues on into High School and I would guess life.
Women that fall for these loosers end up learning that they went for the wrong guy and will often say, there are no good guys left any more. Which is true, the good guys went on to produce, become something, and when they had accomplished something they found younger women to share their life with.
O. M. F. G. How many times do I (and others) need to say this in this thread??? Do my posts actually show up on this forum? Can anyone besides me see them? Helloooooo, is anybody out there???
People don't read. Or listen. Sometimes I want to start a topic in this forum asking why don't people pay attention?
Not related to this topic but related to your frustration, I literally hosted a workshop recently where in the advertisement we told people they needed to bring their own laptops, in the registration materials we told people they needed to bring their own laptops (they even needed to check off that they knew this before proceeding to payment), in the confirmation email we told people they needed to bring their own laptops, in the instructions to "know before you go," we again stressed bring your own laptops... still a few people showed up without laptops claiming they didn't know or they thought we would provide computers.
Many of us have observed this but this scientific study proves it's true. My guess is most women don't actually want a psychopath as a partner, the problem is they are attracted to psychopathic traits so they end up with one anyway.
Men are attracted to female psychopaths, too. Trust me on this.
Men are attracted to female psychopaths, too. Trust me on this.
Only if they're beautiful. Men are attracted to youth and beauty, and women are attracted to power and money. Read the book ("The Anatomy of Sex").
Last edited by otterhere; 11-07-2019 at 02:35 PM..
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