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I just recently got out of an abusive relationship and the last time he lashed out on me was when I finally got the sense to leave. I was staying the night at his house and I had decided to clean his room. He got upset about something, can hardly even remember because he lashed out over anything but long story short he put his hands on me. I had attempted to leave but he threw my phone and continued to shove me and block any way I had of leaving and eventually I sat with my face in my hands, crying and my legs were literally shaking so bad I couldn’t stop it. All he did was sit and watch me cry for a few minutes before breaking the silence and saying “I’ll be honest. I’m not like this all the time. I don’t want to put my hands on you. You’re a good person but I have to say that I don’t think you put enough effort in this relationship like I do.” Mind you I have done so many things for him without making him feel like he was being burden or anything but he claims that’s exactly how I made him feel that every time he would ask me to do something for him I would act as if I didn’t want to do it or if I had an attitude which that was never the case and he knows it. Then he goes on to say “People love my spirit. People love being around me. That’s why you stick around because you love my spirit.” Like he was literally speaking for me as if he were me and it wasn’t like he knew what he was talking about. I stuck around because I cared about him despite his flaws but let him tell it it was because he was just that great of a person. Long story short he spent more time telling me what I was doing wrong and bragging about himself rather than thanking me for anything I ever did for him or actually really apologizing to me but common sense had taken over the next morning when I had went home, for the first time ever since he has been hitting me. When I went home I blocked him. It’s been a few days but I still can’t seem to get over the emotional scars it has left me with.
It must feel pretty good, though, to just dump him and disconnect forever. You have the power, he has none because he lost control. You took it back.
Amen to this!
OP, you asked why they're physically abusive and so arrogant. It's a ruse, a shield they put up, because deep down, they're little, insecure baby children, and they don't want you to know or suspect it. But of course, that kind of behavior shouts to the world that the only power they feel in life is abusing weaker creatures.
I bet he kicks dogs, and torments other smaller creatures as well. I've seen it before.
Blaming the victim is what abusers do. Often, not always, an abuser grew up in an abusive home. This is what they've learned.
Recovering from an abusive relationship isn't easy. Good for you for ending it. It's only been a few days. Give it time. Look for some help.
Call the Domestic Violence Hotline or visit the website. They can connect you to support resources and groups. https://www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-7233
I just recently got out of an abusive relationship and the last time he lashed out on me was when I finally got the sense to leave. I was staying the night at his house and I had decided to clean his room. He got upset about something, can hardly even remember because he lashed out over anything but long story short he put his hands on me. I had attempted to leave but he threw my phone and continued to shove me and block any way I had of leaving and eventually I sat with my face in my hands, crying and my legs were literally shaking so bad I couldn’t stop it. All he did was sit and watch me cry for a few minutes before breaking the silence and saying “I’ll be honest. I’m not like this all the time. I don’t want to put my hands on you. You’re a good person but I have to say that I don’t think you put enough effort in this relationship like I do.” Mind you I have done so many things for him without making him feel like he was being burden or anything but he claims that’s exactly how I made him feel that every time he would ask me to do something for him I would act as if I didn’t want to do it or if I had an attitude which that was never the case and he knows it. Then he goes on to say “People love my spirit. People love being around me. That’s why you stick around because you love my spirit.” Like he was literally speaking for me as if he were me and it wasn’t like he knew what he was talking about. I stuck around because I cared about him despite his flaws but let him tell it it was because he was just that great of a person. Long story short he spent more time telling me what I was doing wrong and bragging about himself rather than thanking me for anything I ever did for him or actually really apologizing to me but common sense had taken over the next morning when I had went home, for the first time ever since he has been hitting me. When I went home I blocked him. It’s been a few days but I still can’t seem to get over the emotional scars it has left me with.
You should have called the cops on him. The FIRST time.
Be strong. Don't talk to him again. No matter what he tries to say to you. He will try to contact you again because you have let him apologize in the past and you always forgave him. You're an easy target to him. Move away. Get a restraining order. You need to take this very seriously.
Why are physically abusive people so arrogant and tend to blame you for their abusive ways?
Because they have a personality disorder, that means they're unable to take responsibility for their mistakes and flaws. It blinds them to their negative side, and causes them to think highly of themselves all the time. IOW, they're delusional. Seriously. It's a real thing.
Personality disorders are considered to be a class of mental illness. You've been spinning your wheels with someone who's ill, and won't get better. (Most cases of this type don't respond to therapy.)
Time to make a life for yourself on your own. The solitude and peace and quiet should be a tremendous relief.
When you put a nail through a wood, the hole will remain there even if you remove the nail.
It is ok to feel scare, and it is ok to have scar. The fear and scar would make you stronger.
I wish you the best in life.
This post caused me to go back and re-read the OP. I hadn't read all the way to the end before, I'm sorry to admit.
OP, it takes more than a few days to recover from what you've been through. I would suggest you look for a therapist who specializes in trauma. Especially one, who offers a technique called EMDR. This is a very efficient and effective technique that can have you feeling better after the first session already. After a few sessions, your emotions should settle down so you can more calmly discuss, process, and learn from your experience. This doesn't have to be an endless process; a couple of months might be enough, depending. Your health insurance should pay for it, if you're not able to afford it. Check to see the specifics of their coverage.
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