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I know this is an odd first thread to make, but I felt like this might be a good place to seek some advice. I am currently 27 (I was a transfer from community college) and have just graduated university. I've been really depressed lately, because I feel like I missed out on my youth. I didn't develop any close friends throughout community college or university. All the friends I made were mostly acquaintances or temporary friends that just came and went and never saw outside of school. Because of this I never developed a close friendship circle.
I thought I had one final chance and developing a close friendship circle when I contacted some people I met at University. But most of them acted like they didn't know me, and the ones that did, didn't seem interested in being friends with me. I guess I was just good for working on group projects and nothing else (I'm thinking about sending them angry texts because I'm just so upset right now).
And now, my one last chance at a youthful social life is gone. I'm just so angry and depressed right now. It feels like it's impossible for me to be happy. The only type of people I'm going to end up meeting now are "mature, settled-down" type people whom I cannot relate to. I cannot relate to people who are only interested in "moving up the corporate ladder, settling down, getting married and having kids". They don't have fun or interesting social lives.
The "mature" crowd's social lives consist mostly of boring get-togethers or dinner parties where all people talk about are their jobs, the weather, or other small talk with people they don't actually like. It's so fake, that it makes me sick just thinking about it. The worst thing about the "mature, settled crowd" is how judgmental they are. Like if you don't dress a certain way, or make a certain amount of money, or are not interested in getting married and having kids, or are not a corporate slave, they will look down on you. I absolutely hate people who immediately ask "And what do you do for a living?", right when they meet you. Like that question alone is a judgment on your occupation and how much money you make. I don't need toxic people like that in my life.
I wanted the type of youthful social life that I missed out on. I wish I could just make friends that I could be myself around, whom are genuine, and fun to be around. I don't want my only options to be boring "mature, settled down" types and/or corporate slaves. Because I refuse to conform to the "mature" crowd. I know that if I were to do something like that, I'd just become even more depressed and probably completely lose it.
I just cannot take this anymore. The fact that so many people got to experience the fun youthful years, while I'm forced to miss out on it, is just infuriating and depressing. Everyday has just been unbearable for me and I don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone but I don't want to conform to the "mature crowd".
27 us a great age, and there are still plenty of singles around at that age. You need to find where they are, and go there. (Once things open back up, and socializing becomes possible.) There are sports clubs (biking clubs, boating, hiking groups, etc.), and some of those have singles events, there are travel seminars offered by recreational equipment stores, bookstores that specialize in travel, and those tend to be a good singles scene, too. There's volunteering for community projects, non-profits, sister-city committees, etc. There are dance groups: salsa, swing, folk, etc. They offer lessons for about $5 in the first hour, then the rest of the evening is for dancing. These are usually friendly crowds. There are classes, workshops, theater groups, martial arts, sometimes music performance/lessons at Parks Department centers in your city. There are neighborhood soccer and volleyball games on weekends, some of which are geared toward socializing. Or you can take classes through the local community college, on any topic, or learn skills like photography.
Survey the offerings at your local CC, your local Parks Dept., through Meetup, through established boating/biking/hiking clubs, and so forth, and see what interests you. Though there's not much happening currently, things may ease up by summer. You can check out what's available in the meantime, and make some plans for when everyone gets active again.
Also in the meantime, get exercise every day, whether simply taking a walk outside, or doing exercises at home using your own body weight for resistance (get ideas on youtube or online articles). Exercise does help alleviate depression somewhat.
You're telling yourself your social life is over before your adult life has even begun! You need to change that toxic tape in your head, and instead, look forward to exploring all the avenues for socializing that are available to you. Don't miss out a second time, by believing a false narrative! That would be too tragic and self-defeating.
Make the New Year a Better Year. I guarantee you there are a LOT of women your age out there, looking for a good guy. They're frustrated with the dating scene, and are wondering when they're finally going to find someone who respects them, and whom they can relate to.
It's hard to find kindred spirits and make good friends, OP. A lot of people came out of college without a posse to hang out with. Or they left their friends behind, when they returned to where they were from. It's not uncommon to start over in a new place, having to make new friends. You're not alone. But you won't make friends by being negative.
You don't sound mature, does that make you happy? You do sound whiny. As for friends....... what do you bring to the table? Why should anyone want to be your friend? What do you do that's fun and interesting?
You have managed to stereotype people by age. Is there some magic number where everyone becomes boring and has no sense of fun and adventure? No one over 27 skis, Mt. Climb, surfs, travels, plays in a band, dances, goes to parties, have romances, or whatever it is in your mind that you've missed out on? Because if that's what you think you are wrong.
Some people find enjoyment in their chosen professions. Some work so they have money to play. One thing I found is that I have a lot more money to spend on entertainment and life experiences than when I was a student. So look down all you want on people that are interested in earning a good living. It also provides the means for a lot of fun.
Not everyone wants the same things from life. And none of us get to do or have absolutely everything we want in life. We prioritize. Some people want a family, some people want to fly airplanes or drive fast motorcycles. Some want to collect comic books, another wants to restore a Victorian home. What do you want besides to go back in time? What's keeping you from doing enjoyable things now? Grow up and get your head out of your ___.
When we're young we don't know what life will be like when we're older. All we have to go on is the stereotypes we form about old age. Sometimes we don't realize how many choices we actually have to create the kind of life we'd enjoy.
I married in June at the age of nineteen. The first day home from our honeymoon I cooked supper for my husband and saw him off to work at his night job. Dirty dishes sitting in the sink I went to the window of our student housing apartment and looked down on the lawn where other young people were having beverages, playing music and throwing frisbees and a tear ran down my cheek. Everyone was having fun but I had to stay inside and wash dishes. I'd never have that kind of freedom again in my life. What had I done?
Lord, I was young!
I'm laughing as I type. I had done the same thing to myself that it sounds like you are doing. It took me until well into my thirties to realize that I got to define for myself what the rules were for someone my age.
Now I'm nearly seventy-three. A couple of years ago DH and I went white water tubing on the wild Rio Negro river in the jungles of Costa Rica. Don't think I've ever had more fun in my life.
As far as making friends goes today, I don't think you are alone. There are some basic guidelines but the electronics age has altered the nature of friendships. For the new tips you'd have to ask someone younger than I.
A couple which probably haven't changed are good and consistent communication (face to face) and working to keep things equal. I give; you give. If it gets too lopsided I talk about it. If it doesn't change it probably won't work for me.
PS. I nearly echoed E-Twist's post! Except for the verbal abuse. Heh.
I'm bragging now but I still ride a motorcycle too. Didn't even start until I was in my thirties.
I just cannot take this anymore. The fact that so many people got to experience the fun youthful years, while I'm forced to miss out on it, is just infuriating and depressing. Everyday has just been unbearable for me and I don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone but I don't want to conform to the "mature crowd".
You know what? Some people are just not the sociable type and forcing it is not doing yourself or anyone else any favours.
I believe that some people (like me, and possibly you too) are born to find their own way in life and to be comfortable with that. That means being self confident and finding that peace inside which does not need others around us to make life complete. It IS a hard life, I admit, but I think some people are just here to find out what it is like to have very few friends and to be their own friend.
You sound bitter about this, which is understandable. You see all your peers having what to you seems like loads of friends and a great social life. The advice I can give you is to investigate meditation and start to develop yourself esteem, confidence, and inner peace. Your friendships will NOT come from outside, but will come from inside you knowing yourself better and finding your own peace. In the end, this will be far far better than what everyone else has which you think you want now.
Remember my words because when you have got over feeling outraged at my advice, and when you have finished feeling sorry for yourself and your circumstances you may find the answer to your problem in what I have said above.
When we're young we don't know what life will be like when we're older. All we have to go on is the stereotypes we form about old age. Sometimes we don't realize how many choices we actually have to create the kind of life we'd enjoy.
I married in June at the age of nineteen. The first day home from our honeymoon I cooked supper for my husband and saw him off to work at his night job. Dirty dishes sitting in the sink I went to the window of our student housing apartment and looked down on the lawn where other young people were having beverages, playing music and throwing frisbees and a tear ran down my cheek. Everyone was having fun but I had to stay inside and wash dishes. I'd never have that kind of freedom again in my life. What had I done?
Lord, I was young!
I'm laughing as I type. I had done the same thing to myself that it sounds like you are doing. It took me until well into my thirties to realize that I got to define for myself what the rules were for someone my age.
Now I'm nearly seventy-three. A couple of years ago DH and I went white water tubing on the wild Rio Negro river in the jungles of Costa Rica. Don't think I've ever had more fun in my life.
As far as making friends goes today, I don't think you are alone. There are some basic guidelines but the electronics age has altered the nature of friendships. For the new tips you'd have to ask someone younger than I.
A couple which probably haven't changed are good and consistent communication (face to face) and working to keep things equal. I give; you give. If it gets too lopsided I talk about it. If it doesn't change it probably won't work for me.
PS. I nearly echoed E-Twist's post! Except for the verbal abuse. Heh.
I'm bragging now but I still ride a motorcycle too. Didn't even start until I was in my thirties.
Good grief; how many dishes could there have been to wash, for just two people? lol You could have gone out and joined the group for 30-40 minutes, then gone back to the dishes. Your new husband never would have known.
But congratulations on a life well-lived! What's funny, but sad at the same time, is that the OP is talking bout 27 as if it were "old age". I didn't know you become a fuddy-duddy at 27! I think that's around the time I did start playing in a band. I wonder if some of the OP's stereotyping relates to where he lives.
OP, are you in a conservative area, where most people are married by 25? If so, maybe you should move.
My husband and I, who are both middle aged, recently had a solstice night bonfire with a small handful of friends and neighbors. He worked in the hospitality industry yet had rarely been able to participate in the events himself, because he was always the guy running the show behind the scenes.
You might say he missed out on a lot. He’s not as social as I so he always felt more comfortable in the background.
Now, he’s able to relax a bit in the company of friends he’s only known a few years and enjoy the warmth of the fire among them.
I just cannot take this anymore. The fact that so many people got to experience the fun youthful years, while I'm forced to miss out on it, is just infuriating and depressing. Everyday has just been unbearable for me and I don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone but I don't want to conform to the "mature crowd".
You sound bitter, but you also have to lean into the idea that your current situation is not being imposed on you by outside forces. You made choices in your life that have gotten you to where you are right now, and you can make choices that get you closer to where you want to be. Lots of people in their 20s and 30s are having a blast doing what they think is fun, and also are responsible adults who hold down jobs and pay mortgages. Bottom line is, are you a fun person? Do you attract other people and make connections easily? It doesn't sound like that's the case for you right now.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 12-28-2020 at 07:58 AM..
I would agree with the majority of comments. You are as old as you think you are. If you don't feel comfortable with your settled up friends you should try volunteering. That is the best way to find friends for life. You will meet a lot of diverse people that way. You will most definitely find someone that you share a common interest. Moreover, you should probably "put yourself on the dating market". That is also a good way of getting to know people.
I know this is an odd first thread to make, but I felt like this might be a good place to seek some advice. I am currently 27 (I was a transfer from community college) and have just graduated university. I've been really depressed lately, because I feel like I missed out on my youth. I didn't develop any close friends throughout community college or university. All the friends I made were mostly acquaintances or temporary friends that just came and went and never saw outside of school. Because of this I never developed a close friendship circle.
I thought I had one final chance and developing a close friendship circle when I contacted some people I met at University. But most of them acted like they didn't know me, and the ones that did, didn't seem interested in being friends with me. I guess I was just good for working on group projects and nothing else (I'm thinking about sending them angry texts because I'm just so upset right now).
And now, my one last chance at a youthful social life is gone. I'm just so angry and depressed right now. It feels like it's impossible for me to be happy. The only type of people I'm going to end up meeting now are "mature, settled-down" type people whom I cannot relate to. I cannot relate to people who are only interested in "moving up the corporate ladder, settling down, getting married and having kids". They don't have fun or interesting social lives.
The "mature" crowd's social lives consist mostly of boring get-togethers or dinner parties where all people talk about are their jobs, the weather, or other small talk with people they don't actually like. It's so fake, that it makes me sick just thinking about it. The worst thing about the "mature, settled crowd" is how judgmental they are. Like if you don't dress a certain way, or make a certain amount of money, or are not interested in getting married and having kids, or are not a corporate slave, they will look down on you. I absolutely hate people who immediately ask "And what do you do for a living?", right when they meet you. Like that question alone is a judgment on your occupation and how much money you make. I don't need toxic people like that in my life.
I wanted the type of youthful social life that I missed out on. I wish I could just make friends that I could be myself around, whom are genuine, and fun to be around. I don't want my only options to be boring "mature, settled down" types and/or corporate slaves. Because I refuse to conform to the "mature" crowd. I know that if I were to do something like that, I'd just become even more depressed and probably completely lose it.
I just cannot take this anymore. The fact that so many people got to experience the fun youthful years, while I'm forced to miss out on it, is just infuriating and depressing. Everyday has just been unbearable for me and I don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone but I don't want to conform to the "mature crowd".
Angry texts. Ok.
And EVERY DAY has been " unbearable"?
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