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My company gave me the go ahead to work remotely from anywhere in the country. Having lived in Chicago for about 8 years, 4 that were in downtown, I never really felt lonely because I was always surrounded by people even when doing simple errands.
I was exploring moving to a place like San Diego, in a suburban like area with a typical apartment complex, and immediately felt like it would be hard to take from an isolation standpoint. I'm single and will be 33 in a few months and while money isn't a big issue, the difficulty in moving from a city like Chicago to some place that's basically a suburb, is very stomach wrenching. I get this unsettling feeling inside due to that kind of loneliness.
Is this normal? I imagine it's not easy to meet people once you leave the city especially since driving becomes a requirement.
Moving somewhere like NYC, while it's much bigger, isn't as much of an issue because there's tons of people to talk to and there's always some kind of interaction.. but a non city seems terrible.
Not only that, but just the idea of starting somewhere new where I don't know anyone, at my age, seems hard/painful.
My company gave me the go ahead to work remotely from anywhere in the country. Having lived in Chicago for about 8 years, 4 that were in downtown, I never really felt lonely because I was always surrounded by people even when doing simple errands.
I was exploring moving to a place like San Diego, in a suburban like area with a typical apartment complex, and immediately felt like it would be hard to take from an isolation standpoint. I'm single and will be 33 in a few months and while money isn't a big issue, the difficulty in moving from a city like Chicago to some place that's basically a suburb, is very stomach wrenching. I get this unsettling feeling inside due to that kind of loneliness.
Is this normal? I imagine it's not easy to meet people once you leave the city especially since driving becomes a requirement.
Moving somewhere like NYC, while it's much bigger, isn't as much of an issue because there's tons of people to talk to and there's always some kind of interaction.. but a non city seems terrible.
Not only that, but just the idea of starting somewhere new where I don't know anyone, at my age, seems hard/painful.
In my opinion, it is single people, around the age of 30 and above who struggle most with loneliness when they move to new cities. If you are married and/or have kids, you have company and can have a lot of fun exploring restaurants, sights, and attractions in a new city and have companionship, even if you haven't necessarily made new friends in the city.
The younger 20-somethings also have an easier time because lots of young people are out and about at that age, and it's easier making new friends at that age.
Once you get a little older, many social circles have already been established and it's harder to break into that crowd. For many people (including myself), they don't feel comfortable going to restaurants and bars alone because it magnifies the loneliness, so it could be really lonely being in a new city.
It's hard but not impossible. It will likely just take time and will be a little painful at first, but eventually you would likely be able to find a circle.
A place like San Diego would likely be really tough, as Southern California is a really social place and lots of circles would likely already be formed that are hard to break into. Plus with the gorgeous whether and everyone always out and about, the sense of loneliness and isolation would likely be magnified.
I am in Chicago also and have a great circle of friends and community here, which is a big reason I will likely not leave, other than to potentially go back to the metro I grew up in on the east coast, where I have lots of friends and family. Although if I was married, I would go anywhere because I'd at least have a wife (and likely children) for companionship. One of the reasons I'm committed to getting married soon, lol.
In my opinion, it is single people, around the age of 30 and above who struggle most with loneliness when they move to new cities. If you are married and/or have kids, you have company and can have a lot of fun exploring restaurants, sights, and attractions in a new city and have companionship, even if you haven't necessarily made new friends in the city.
The younger 20-somethings also have an easier time because lots of young people are out and about at that age, and it's easier making new friends at that age.
Once you get a little older, many social circles have already been established and it's harder to break into that crowd. For many people (including myself), they don't feel comfortable going to restaurants and bars alone because it magnifies the loneliness, so it could be really lonely being in a new city.
It's hard but not impossible. It will likely just take time and will be a little painful at first, but eventually you would likely be able to find a circle.
A place like San Diego would likely be really tough, as Southern California is a really social place and lots of circles would likely already be formed that are hard to break into. Plus with the gorgeous whether and everyone always out and about, the sense of loneliness and isolation would likely be magnified.
I am in Chicago also and have a great circle of friends and community here, which is a big reason I will likely not leave, other than to potentially go back to the metro I grew up in on the east coast, where I have lots of friends and family. Although if I was married, I would go anywhere because I'd at least have a wife (and likely children) for companionship. One of the reasons I'm committed to getting married soon, lol.
Good points. I'm not having much luck finding many other places to move, as the places I'm considering are either more expensive than Chicago or have reduce opportunities to meet people. These days I have no friends left in Chicago so no real attachment to living there, other than the fact that I loved the convenience of living there when I did.
I'm also trying to settle down with someone but it's hard to find women of my ethnicity (indian) in Chicago, in the city atleast. Hence my push towards the East coast.
Feels lonely moving away when I've been in Chicago so long though. I moved to Dallas to be with parents for a bit and it isn't that lonely, but I imagine it would be terrible if they weren't here.
Good points. I'm not having much luck finding many other places to move, as the places I'm considering are either more expensive than Chicago or have reduce opportunities to meet people. These days I have no friends left in Chicago so no real attachment to living there, other than the fact that I loved the convenience of living there when I did.
I'm also trying to settle down with someone but it's hard to find women of my ethnicity (indian) in Chicago, in the city atleast. Hence my push towards the East coast.
Feels lonely moving away when I've been in Chicago so long though. I moved to Dallas to be with parents for a bit and it isn't that lonely, but I imagine it would be terrible if they weren't here.
Hmmm....Chicago/Chicagoland has one of the largest Indian-American populations in the country. I have many professional colleagues who are Indian. So I would think finding an Indian partner to date would be pretty easy in Chicago.
I'd guess that there are some sorts of Indian professionals/networking groups in Chicago/Chicagoland. Also if you have any Indian friends or even acquaintances, you could probably ask them to introduce you to someone since there are so many in this region. The reason that I mention this is that an Indian colleague of mine introduced another Indian colleague to someone (an Indian friend of his). They ended up getting married. This was a couple years ago.
There are tons of successful Indian professionals in Chicagoland, so it shouldn't be hard for you to find someone to date. Perhaps just try a few different strategies (professional/networking groups, friends/colleagues, even online dating/apps). As life starts slowly getting back to normal, you should be fine.
Top 10 US Metropolitan Areas With The Highest Population Of Indians
Rank City Indian Population
1 New York 526,133
2 Chicago 171,901
3 Washington, DC 127,963
4 Los Angeles 119,901
5 San Francisco 119,854
6 San Jose 117,711
7 Dallas 100,386
8 Houston 91,637
9 Philadelphia 90,286
10 Atlanta 78,980
11 Boston 62,598
Seems to me you are right where you need to be. NYC will cost more, Chicago really is the bargain of the biggest cities in the US with the best conveniences and amenities, unless the goal is to change the weather.
Funny story, my date several years ago on NY Eve booked tickets at a big hotel downtown without paying much attention. Yes, we were in Chicago. Guess what? It was Bollywood, and there were thousands of you...
They kept asking us if we were movie directors.
When I was single I wanted the "portable social circle" of a family so I could live anywhere without being alone. Now that I have that, it's harder than ever to move because you have to juggle two jobs, daycare, school changes, etc. I could see marriage as enabling mobility if one spouse's career is the dominant one, and the other follows. But if the two careers are equivalent, and if there are kids involved, suddenly there's a lot of moving parts.
When I was single I wanted the "portable social circle" of a family so I could live anywhere without being alone. Now that I have that, it's harder than ever to move because you have to juggle two jobs, daycare, school changes, etc. I could see marriage as enabling mobility if one spouse's career is the dominant one, and the other follows. But if the two careers are equivalent, and if there are kids involved, suddenly there's a lot of moving parts.
My husband may have married me because my low paying career was disposable. We moved often for his job.
My company gave me the go ahead to work remotely from anywhere in the country. Having lived in Chicago for about 8 years, 4 that were in downtown, I never really felt lonely because I was always surrounded by people even when doing simple errands.
I was exploring moving to a place like San Diego, in a suburban like area with a typical apartment complex, and immediately felt like it would be hard to take from an isolation standpoint. I'm single and will be 33 in a few months and while money isn't a big issue, the difficulty in moving from a city like Chicago to some place that's basically a suburb, is very stomach wrenching. I get this unsettling feeling inside due to that kind of loneliness.
Is this normal? I imagine it's not easy to meet people once you leave the city especially since driving becomes a requirement.
Moving somewhere like NYC, while it's much bigger, isn't as much of an issue because there's tons of people to talk to and there's always some kind of interaction.. but a non city seems terrible.
Not only that, but just the idea of starting somewhere new where I don't know anyone, at my age, seems hard/painful.
Try a place with affordable rents, so you can move to an apartment complex with a dog park, fitness center and pool. Low-hanging social fruit!
My company gave me the go ahead to work remotely from anywhere in the country. Having lived in Chicago for about 8 years, 4 that were in downtown, I never really felt lonely because I was always surrounded by people even when doing simple errands.
I was exploring moving to a place like San Diego, in a suburban like area with a typical apartment complex, and immediately felt like it would be hard to take from an isolation standpoint. I'm single and will be 33 in a few months and while money isn't a big issue, the difficulty in moving from a city like Chicago to some place that's basically a suburb, is very stomach wrenching. I get this unsettling feeling inside due to that kind of loneliness.
Is this normal? I imagine it's not easy to meet people once you leave the city especially since driving becomes a requirement.
Moving somewhere like NYC, while it's much bigger, isn't as much of an issue because there's tons of people to talk to and there's always some kind of interaction.. but a non city seems terrible.
Not only that, but just the idea of starting somewhere new where I don't know anyone, at my age, seems hard/painful.
I would think that is pretty normal. Most people are social creatures and feel a need for companionship, friendship on a regular basis. For me that is not the case and I felt a huge level of happiness and fulfillment when I moved on my own from Las Vegas to rural North Carolina where I didn't know anyone (at age 33). But I'm an outlier; my mom thought I was too, she didn't believe I could just up and move like that on my own and feel fine about it. I get a bit sad when I've been in a place for a while and really (like now) want to get away and move somewhere again--the idea is very tempting (and wouldn't be that difficult to do). (And then I also hate the sunlight and love rainy, cloudy weather. So I seem to be wired the opposite way of most people in a few things).
But I wouldn't worry about how you feel and think there is something wrong. It would seem to me to be a perfectly natural feeling.
I would listen to your gut and stay put until your way becomes more clear. The fact is that people in suburbia many times don't even know their neighbor next door, just like living in a big city. Cities can be very lonely places even surrounded by people but at your age, living alone in a suburb needs much thought before you jump into that. Chicago is a wonderful city and you have plenty of time to decide if you want to leave. Meeting people would most likely be at your finger tips in a big city compared to a suburb of San Diego.
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