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There are all kinds of strategies for people who can't make decisions. Offer them the entire menu, or give them two choices, or give them no choice. The key thing is communication so that next time you can better anticipate their needs and you can draw a line on their neediness.
My husband ran a very hectic, very busy business and was making decisions all day long. At the end of the day, or on weekends, he couldn't make any decisions - he'd just get a deer in the headlights look. For God's sake man, Ranch or Bleu Cheese? Would you like to go on a walk or not?
But this makes more sense. He spent all day making very serious decisions that did affect him and his business in many ways, good or bad. By the end of the day, he's mentally exhausted. He doesn't want to think anymore.
He made serious decisions all day long, didn't care about the minor decisions at the end of the day.
That makes way more sense to me than:
"I have been given 3 very simple choices in the water someone is bringing me, and it's so taxing to choose that I can't think the rest of the day'.
Makes simple decisions at the beginning of the day, is now too exhausted to make serious decisions throughout the rest of the day.
Completely different than what your husband went through.
Quote:
Originally Posted by michiganmoon
Yeah.
Jim Harbaugh the football coach once said that he usually dresses the same everyday so he doesn't have to think about it.
I try to just do small decisions like what to wear, or where to park, or what to eat robotically without much worry.
Big decisions, I tend to spend time on.
That's what I'm saying. Those aren't life altering decisions.
Big/major decisions are taxing.
In the video she is not talking about being taxed by making decisions at her business, she's saying that minor decisions about how she wants her water is 'mentally taxing' for her. Choosing what to wear, choosing what to have for breakfast wipes her out. How is any of that exhausting?
Last edited by Three Wolves In Snow; 03-28-2022 at 03:18 PM..
Is this you? If someone asks you to make a few simple decisions at one point in the day, will your ability to make more decisions decline as the day goes on?
This is extremely foreign to me, and I want to know if this is a thing, or just this person.
If it's a thing, then maybe we can now understand why we are where we are, today.
If not, do people not process the information first, and do the 'just in time' management?
Huh. Didn't know that was a thing. I've been fatigued by the consequences of decisions I've made, but don't find the making of decisions to be particularly taxing. Then again, some decisions are heavier than others. If I had to decide to have a loved one taken off life support I might want to have a nap to just sort of shut down for awhile. Or a drink... Or a drink and a nap. But no, I find most decisions I make to be fairly mundane and not overly stressful.
My husband ran a very hectic, very busy business and was making decisions all day long. At the end of the day, or on weekends, he couldn't make any decisions - he'd just get a deer in the headlights look. For God's sake man, Ranch or Bleu Cheese? Would you like to go on a walk or not?
This is me.
I have to make decisions all day long. Some have PR consequences, others life safety, others are potentially very costly.
Many of these decisions are pretty easy, based upon years of experience. Others are much more complex, because they include novel circumstances. Most of the day for me is spent considering options and making decisions.
It is very fatiguing, and while I can decide what to have for dinner, it is much nicer if somebody takes care of my needs for a moment and just makes that decision for me.
If all I had to do was decide simple living questions like what to wear or what to eat, I could do that all day without worry. Throw in a few more complex things like where to go on vacation, or should we paint the house this year, not a concern.
It is a little like needing sleep. After staying up all day, I look forward to a good nights sleep. After deciding things all day, I look forward to not deciding things. Both recharge me.
The effort I put into making decisions is a mix for me.
For major decisions, for example, that involve personal finances or career choices, I take my time to weigh many if not all options.
For minor decisions like where to go for dinner or what to wear, I'm impulsive.
Basically this. Basic risk analysis paradigm: Higher the impact, deeper the analysis needed and time to decide affects outcomes. More time usually = more perfect information to decide. I'm an enterprise manager and make strategic decisions periodically, tactical daily. I get most right and a few wrong, like everyone else. Bad strategic decisions reflect poorly on all so we try and avoid those...we build in sufficient time on strategic matters where-feasible for obvious(?) reasons!
There existing interesting diagrams about decision making from various schools of thought. I like Deloitte's about ethical decision making under time constraints:
1. Gather the right information, to 70% of that you'd like to have.
2. Build in a cooling off period...extra time...where feasible.
3. Be clear about the rules and norms, including consequences for bad (in this case unethical) choices.
4. Use personal rituals that encourage personal calm and collectedness. I know from my own experience that if I start to become emotional, quality of decision degrades independent of other factors.
The ethical component matters but I fold all under the rubric of risk analysis methodology. Consequences (cost) if we do this or that, or nothing. How time sensitive is the matter. And no, I usually don't get too bent out of shape about the process personally but some personalities seem more adroit at this...hence my career choice.
I understand this issue and can deeply relate. I have always struggled with depression and anxiety. I was raised to consider how my actions/decisions impact my family, church and neighbors. It is very hard for me to make a decision if it will have even the smallest impact on others or open me up to the scrutiny of others.
I've developed coping strategies and ways to mask my anxiety. But it's a very painful problem that I'm pretty sure I need therapy for. I don't have any family or friends with this issue, so that helps and I just keep plugging along.
My sister and I were just discussing Gretchen Rubin's book, The Four Tendencies. One of the four tendencies is "The Questioner"...the person who doesn't like to choose randomly/quickly and really doesn't like to accept someone else's choice unquestioningly. This person likes to research and analyse to be very sure that he or she is making the right decision.
The person in the OP sounds like an extreme example of this tendency who has not learned to cope with it very well and has become a neurotic overthinker. Just because most of us don't really relate (I'm not a Questioner, myself), doesn't mean it is not possible to have this kind of reaction to a series of even minor decisions.
Not trying to brag, but I'm a decision maker and always have been. Even as a kid, when a group of us kids would get together to play a game, whether it was sandlot baseball or some card game or some board game, I would often want to make or change the rules of the game to the way that *I* thought was most fair and appropriate rather than use someone else's rules that weren't as fair or appropriate (in my opinion).
Making decisions all the time doesn't bother me in the least. I don't advocate changing things if they don't need changing, but if I can think of a better way or an alternative that I think is better, I'm not at all hesitant to speak up. And I'm able to give good reasons WHY I think things should be done the way I think they should be done. I don't say "Let's do it this way because this is what I want." I give good reason WHY it should be done my way.
As for making personal decisions on what to eat, what to wear, or where to go, that's no problem either. I've always been a decision maker. In fact, the worst two years of my life were when I was in the Army and NEVER getting to make a decision on anything. We were always TOLD what to do and would get in trouble if we questioned something. Even if we knew we were being told to do something wrong, we would get in trouble if we questioned the order. Yet there were people in the Army that LOVED being told what to do at all times. That way, they never had to think or decide anything. No disrespect intended for our military personnel. They do a very valuable job and I'm glad they're there, but it wasn't for me even though I advanced rapidly and did well in the 2 years I was in there.
Not to be an armchair psychologist, but you sound like a classic and well-adapted Questioner. The people who liked being told what to do--well, there was nothing wrong with them, but they weren't Questioners.
I highly recommend Gretchen Rubin's book. It really helped me and my husband understand each other--since we're different tendencies--and gave us good strategies for working better together and with other people in our lives.
The lady in the video is not talking about major decisions that will affect others.
She's talking about simple decisions like what to put on that day, what cereal to choose for breakfast, does she want ice in her water or not.
None of what she's complaining about should give anyone 'decision fatigue'.
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