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Covid is kind of an issue...love animals but have a cat instead currently who is fantastic company. I'm a non-negotiable when it comes to not bringing something for the host, it's a requirement in my book for good manners. I have long prided myself in being able to make conversation with anyone speaking the same language, regardless of political or religious views. I'm beginning to feel the odd man out for the wrong reasons...
Ok, glad to hear your good manners views, fewer and fewer people don’t seem to have a clue when it comes to being polite and thoughtful.
It sounds as though you’re a great guest, but sometimes people and their biased viewpoints aren’t the best thing for healthy relationships. With family members, sometimes toxic is a part of being around them, so it’s better to skip it. Or maybe when visiting your family, you could bring a friend along for support.
May I encourage you to indeed put up the white flag. Not the One that is in defeat so much as the one that says, Maybe I need to re-evaluate what I value in that Holiday to begin with? Usually there is a sentimental or Memories of Yore that are linked to it. Once you "revise" or put up the flag that such a holiday in gathering is not concurrent to todays folks. You will find some other more meaningful ways to go about that day. I am not discouraging you to relish time spent, I am asking that you reconsider how you interpret that day.
For myself once I let go of that "image", or Linked VALUE I had for that day, things progressively changed. I no longer get "down" when it comes and goes. Mostly I rarely even realize that such a holiday happened. Unless one of my grand kids call to wish me a special cheer. I suppose once you go about living...and I mean LIVING life...the holidays are less isolated beccause they are incorporated into a daily routine. Ohh I still enjoy going to church and having a bit of social time in listening to others talk of their plan that day. I celebrate in their plans. Wishing them well. Beyond that ...simplicity seems to carry on the day.
I think a lot of people who ARE gathering with family almost wish they did not have to. I remember when my children were young and we felt we HAD to visit BOTH his family AND mine on the holidays or we would never, ever hear the end of it, and then when we got there, one was complaining we are not EXACTLY on time, at his house their was so much tension between his mother and grandmother you could feel it. I've heard that there are big, happy families out there...it just hasn't been my experience. My step-father used to say "You gotta make your own sunshine." I think he was right
May I encourage you to indeed put up the white flag. Not the One that is in defeat so much as the one that says, Maybe I need to re-evaluate what I value in that Holiday to begin with? Usually there is a sentimental or Memories of Yore that are linked to it. Once you "revise" or put up the flag that such a holiday in gathering is not concurrent to todays folks. You will find some other more meaningful ways to go about that day. I am not discouraging you to relish time spent, I am asking that you reconsider how you interpret that day.
For myself once I let go of that "image", or Linked VALUE I had for that day, things progressively changed. I no longer get "down" when it comes and goes. Mostly I rarely even realize that such a holiday happened. Unless one of my grand kids call to wish me a special cheer. I suppose once you go about living...and I mean LIVING life...the holidays are less isolated beccause they are incorporated into a daily routine. Ohh I still enjoy going to church and having a bit of social time in listening to others talk of their plan that day. I celebrate in their plans. Wishing them well. Beyond that ...simplicity seems to carry on the day.
I like this advice for you.
I think I would recommend finding a romantic partner. Together, you would not feel the need of an extended family so much. If this is not feasible, I recommend being good to yourself on holidays. Give yourself an experience that is possible for an independent person. Do something that you like doing. Give yourself that gift on days when others spend time with families.
Also, please know that holidays spent in the company of extended family can be fraught with drama, and hostility. Many folks would love to be left alone on holidays, but are expected to appear at family gatherings.
My parents were both babies of their families so I am at the tail end of a dying branch. After Mom and Dad died I knew that, valuing family connections as I do, holidays would be difficult for me.
The cousins are scattered around the world but I put out a call letting them know I would like to be considered a part of their families still. This was not untoward as we had all grown up spending time together.
I've been very glad that they took my request seriously and that I get a couple of invitations a year to family gatherings which, in spite of our quirks, are appreciated by all of us I think. I also reciprocate now and then. It's not a lot of family but enough to keep me feeling tied to my roots.
If you haven't let them know what you want and need, by all means do so.
As the wife a truck driver, I spend most holidays alone. In fact in February, I went to dinner with a good friend as my husband was on the road LOL
Half of my siblings have passed on and the two remaining live two states away.
I used to work retail which completely had me tired of the holiday long before it arrived. I'm retired now so I do look forward to them. We have no more, just two dogs. I'm comfortable in my own skin and have no problem being alone on the holidays.
Yesterday after doing a small amount of housework I took the day for reflection. Worked a little on genealogy and then streamed a church service from the church where we had my brother-in-law's celebration of life last September. Then I settled in with the pups to watch a documentary about crucifixion, wow what an eye opener!!
All day long I enjoyed the aroma of my pot roast in the slow cooker. A 3pound roast might seem like a lot for one person, but I save a good portion for my husband who gets to enjoy home cooking on the road
Today marks yet another holiday spent alone. As an only child with long-deceased parents, and no close relatives since all my cousins were nearly out of college before I hit middle school. I have plenty supposed friends and relatives but find the use of the word supposed valid given I rarely receive invites for holidays and offer whenever possible to host Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners for fellow orphans, or those unable to go home due to work or other factors. I've nearly given up on the family warm fuzzies but before waving the white flag making sure its not some shortcoming of my own I'm clueless to...??
All my relatives live 1,000 miles away. I very, very rarely spend holidays with them.
So I made a great weekend by going to a baseball game on Friday night, a concert with a friend on Saturday night in D.C and brunch on Sunday as the guest of a friend. There I met 12 new people and was invited back next Easter .
Is something like this not an option for you, OP?
Those of us without living or accessible relatives kind of owe it to ourselves to intentionally build our own "families" locally. Don't you think?
Insert game show buzzer....nope. Dating past 50 is seen as desperate and pathetic in the gay male community, so there's little if any incentive there. The inviting part has been difficult with Covid and of course just as people are warming up to socializing there's talk of another variant and social distancing measures once again. I know, it doesn't seem optimistic...
Haha, my 61 year old gay friend never has such trouble. He is currently dating a 31 year old he met 2 weeks ago! I pretend to be scandalized.
I find it hard to believe that the older gay community is so closed off where you live. Are you in the Bible Belt? Maybe you just aren't in the right circles? Seems like all the older gay men I know are constantly entertaining, traveling and attending cultural events. More so than the old married couples at least.
We are the only married couple in our complex----all retired single guys, lol. I hesitate to label them friends, more like friendly neighbors as we probably wouldn't be if we weren't neighbors.
We all go out together on the holidays, no one goes to anyone else's place but we will get together at the pool/bbq area. We're too lazy (all of us) for entertaining in the home and why when we have a common area.
So that's what the singles here do. I was in Texas while DH was working in Utah and the condo living there was the same. We all got together, singles and couples. It was a lifesaver for me, being "single" for a few months there.
When I was truly single, I volunteered to work holidays so as to not feel alone (no condo then).
I've learned to be "okay" and fine without others. If I really need to be with other people, I have a car and legs.
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