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Staying off social media (by which I mean Fakebook and the Insta; not anonymous forums like this) for a few days helps immensely.
I do the same for holidays. I went on FB and started seeing pics of happy people and their gatherings, and it's nice for them, but it hurts and is sad to see so I just wait until those pictures fade into the past.
I lost my mother two years ago and Easter was her favorite holiday. No more Easters in the future for me, I don't think. I did make a nice dinner for the ones whose home I am in at the moment, and they liked it, but it's not really a holiday to them, so it was just dinner.
There was no Christmas at all this year. I am resigned to knowing that happy holidays are a thing of the past, and I'll just take out those memories for a few moments, but there won't be any more.
I do the same for holidays. I went on FB and started seeing pics of happy people and their gatherings, and it's nice for them, but it hurts and is sad to see so I just wait until those pictures fade into the past.
I lost my mother two years ago and Easter was her favorite holiday. No more Easters in the future for me, I don't think. I did make a nice dinner for the ones whose home I am in at the moment, and they liked it, but it's not really a holiday to them, so it was just dinner.
There was no Christmas at all this year. I am resigned to knowing that happy holidays are a thing of the past, and I'll just take out those memories for a few moments, but there won't be any more.
I understand, MQ. I don't do holidays either. I may make a nice meal for the two of us, but I put no expectations on the holiday itself or the season surrounding it. Easter for years was difficult, as was Mother's Day as my dear mama died between those two days. It took a number of years after her passing for me to finally not attribute any emotion to either of those days. I stay off FB during any holiday.
How do I cope? By being a Sorceress, out here in the forest, with my cats and all of nature all around me...........................which is to say, I have my own little fantasy to keep me sane.....as weird as that might sound.
It is, being alone, a constant debate I have in my head. Why do famous people who are isolated go bonkers or self destructive and I don't? In part, I think it is because the Gods smile on me ALTHOUGH some of their ways are rather drastic. Take being a Type II, for example, it stopped me from drinking, totally. If it weren't for that declaration that I am a diabetic, I'd probably be drinking myself into a stupor each night, especially in these times......if not dead already.
One very recent analysis conclusion is that the Net cannot provide me with the kind of life I dream of. As such, I have to find it my own way in an interpretation that is acceptable to me.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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My coping mechanism is working. Lyft/DoorDash were lucrative during Easter, so I didn’t allow time to feel bad for not having a family to spend Easter with. Also, being an atheist anyway helps with Easter specifically.
In my first couple of years alone, I made a point of going somewhere special and doing something fun on those days or for the whole weekend. For instance, certain venues are open on holidays, but very sparsely attended due to people hanging out with family. The first Thanksgiving not long after losing my mom, I booked a room in a hotel in a nearby city and visited the local aquarium on one day and the zoo on the next, as well as getting takeout from a cool ethnic restaurant. I practically had all those places (including the pool in the hotel) to myself. Eventually I got used to the idea and was content to stay home.
In my first couple of years alone, I made a point of going somewhere special and doing something fun on those days or for the whole weekend. For instance, certain venues are open on holidays, but very sparsely attended due to people hanging out with family. The first Thanksgiving not long after losing my mom, I booked a room in a hotel in a nearby city and visited the local aquarium on one day and the zoo on the next, as well as getting takeout from a cool ethnic restaurant. I practically had all those places (including the pool in the hotel) to myself. Eventually I got used to the idea and was content to stay home.
My husband and I moved 500 miles away from our difficult families. However, we lived where everyone spent every holiday with grandparents/extended family. My kids felt left out and I felt embarrassed.
I did what Otterhere did.
We went to a nearby city for a short vacation. We had tickets to the ballet or concert for one night and did the aquarium/zoo/museum the next day. It was great! We were too busy to think about family.
When the kids went back to school, they talked about their vacation instead of listening passively to classmates talk about family. It worked.
I prefer to travel over holidays now. There are always holiday activities for tourists.
Apparently you missed the part where I have invited (consistently) for holiday dinners to no avail, other more important and to be fair ancestral commitments win out. I too am a giver and enjoy the small thoughts or just because/thinking of you gifts (not so much cards) but beyond the gratitude expressed have received very little in response in terms of thoughtful gifts and as such have whittled down a bit.
Many people with families may not be able to get away from their own family without getting the guilt treatment so, I wouldn’t count on those with families to come by your place. Why don’t you get married and start your own family? It’s up to you. You shouldn’t rely on others who have family to leabpve their own family to see you.
I do the same for holidays. I went on FB and started seeing pics of happy people and their gatherings, and it's nice for them, but it hurts and is sad to see so I just wait until those pictures fade into the past.
I lost my mother two years ago and Easter was her favorite holiday. No more Easters in the future for me, I don't think. I did make a nice dinner for the ones whose home I am in at the moment, and they liked it, but it's not really a holiday to them, so it was just dinner.
There was no Christmas at all this year. I am resigned to knowing that happy holidays are a thing of the past, and I'll just take out those memories for a few moments, but there won't be any more.
I will never understand this way of thinking. Just because your mother died and Easter was her favorite holiday doesn’t mean that you can no longer enjoy it. What if your mom felt that way when her mother used? Maybe she did. But that didn’t stop her from making the holidays enjoyable for her own family. I miss my mom as much as anyone but her death never affected my feelings towards the holidays other than missing her. I’m not going to ruin holidays for my children because I was unhappy. That would be selfish. And it would be the last thing your mother would want for you. Just enjoy the holidays. YOU make the holidays what they are. You cannot look to others to make them better. Good luck.
I do the same for holidays. I went on FB and started seeing pics of happy people and their gatherings, and it's nice for them, but it hurts and is sad to see so I just wait until those pictures fade into the past.
I lost my mother two years ago and Easter was her favorite holiday. No more Easters in the future for me, I don't think. I did make a nice dinner for the ones whose home I am in at the moment, and they liked it, but it's not really a holiday to them, so it was just dinner.
There was no Christmas at all this year. I am resigned to knowing that happy holidays are a thing of the past, and I'll just take out those memories for a few moments, but there won't be any more.
That’s a terrible attitude but that is your choice. The rest of the world goes on enjoying holidays despite the fact that everyone of them has lost loved ones since the beginning of time. Again, it is your decision to be unhappy. Others choose to make the best and enjoy them. Sorry you feel that way.
I will never understand this way of thinking. Just because your mother died and Easter was her favorite holiday doesn’t mean that you can no longer enjoy it. What if your mom felt that way when her mother used? Maybe she did. But that didn’t stop her from making the holidays enjoyable for her own family. I miss my mom as much as anyone but her death never affected my feelings towards the holidays other than missing her. I’m not going to ruin holidays for my children because I was unhappy. That would be selfish. And it would be the last thing your mother would want for you. Just enjoy the holidays. YOU make the holidays what they are. You cannot look to others to make them better. Good luck.
Sorry, but holidays are basically about OTHERS. There's really no point if you have no family, spouse, kids, friends, or neighbors to share it with. I suppose there are people who are totally alone and put up a tree and wrap a gift for themselves and then unwrap it themselves - maybe - but that would seem a bit strange to me, so I'm not one of them...
Religious observance is another thing; of course you can still enjoy that (again, you're with OTHERS in church), and of course one can enjoy holiday music and decorations in streets and malls and the hustle-and-bustle, if you like that sort of thing, or giving gifts if you're mailing some out. But without others to share the day with, trust me, it's not "up to you to enjoy it" in the traditional sense of celebrating as you once did surrounded by OTHERS.
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