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That’s a terrible attitude but that is your choice. The rest of the world goes on enjoying holidays despite the fact that everyone of them has lost loved ones since the beginning of time. Again, it is your decision to be unhappy. Others choose to make the best and enjoy them. Sorry you feel that way.
You can't be sorry enough and you don't seem to have a clue about what she's dealing with right now.
I will never understand this way of thinking. Just because your mother died and Easter was her favorite holiday doesn’t mean that you can no longer enjoy it. What if your mom felt that way when her mother used? Maybe she did. But that didn’t stop her from making the holidays enjoyable for her own family. I miss my mom as much as anyone but her death never affected my feelings towards the holidays other than missing her. I’m not going to ruin holidays for my children because I was unhappy. That would be selfish. And it would be the last thing your mother would want for you. Just enjoy the holidays. YOU make the holidays what they are. You cannot look to others to make them better. Good luck.
No, it's not "just" because my mother died and Easter was her favorite holiday. It's because she was the only person I had in my life who celebrated it in the traditional way with a big dinner and buying her flowers to transplant outside. She particularly loved hyacinths. She would be hurt sometimes because she would not hear from my siblings on Easter, but they simply forgot because it didn't mean anything to them anymore.
You don't understand because you have a different life than I do. That's great that you have children and a family to celebrate holidays with. Enjoy that. Not everyone does. I do have one adult daughter, and when she was in the area she would also bring Grandma a flower on Easter. As a matter of fact, since she was unable to attend her grandmother's funeral (Mom died in March of 2020, and my daughter lived in another state), last year she wanted to bring Grandma a hyacinth to her grave on Easter, so we went to the cemetery together. It was very difficult because my youngest sister was on the ventilator at the time and not expected to survive, and all I could think of was that the ground next to my mother was about to be disturbed, but she did survive. Wasn't really a festive day, to put it mildly.
This year my daughter went alone to the cemetery, since I am not in the country, and she played Grandma her favorite hymn on her phone, even though she herself is not religious. So yeah, we ARE making the holidays what they are, but without my mother, they are not going to be a nice dinner and flowers and candy and playing cards and Scrabble and all what Easter once was.
I am currently caring for my now-terminally-ill fiance in Canada, and my daughter is interviewing for jobs in distant cities. She is not having children. I'm just not seeing any celebratory traditional Easters in my future the way it was when my mother was alive. It's simply the reality of it.
We all have different lives. You don’t know my current situation. Sure, holidays were wonderful most of my life, full,of family amps friends. Then we get older and most of the family is dead or gone. Christmas was always magical until my kids turned around 10 and Santa Clause is no more. It means nearly nothing to me now. The magic is gone. Just another day. I don’t see my own family most of the holidays because they go to the in laws and I choose to stay home. Alone. So, I am alone for most holidays but so what? What’s the bid heal? It isn’t something I would complain about or be sad about. It just is what it is. Of course, many of us feel this way but what about it makes it difficult to cope? Nothing. It’s just another day. It’s almost as if people are jealous or upset that other people are having happy warm holidays with their families and you aren’t. That’s no different than being mad at millionaires for having nice house and cars and you feel they should give people you some money. I had a friend once whose wife cheated on himself And they got divorced. Soon after, if we were hanging out, he would get so angry seeing any happy couple together. I thought that was crazy.
Don’t worry about others enjoying their holidays. Your holidays are now, at this moment, just another day. You aren’t any worse off. The holidays are what you make them. No one is responsible for making your holidays nice. Why don’t you have someone in your life to share them with? Why don’t you have close enough friends to share them with? There must be a reason. This sounds harsh but I am just stating the obvious. Look toward yourself to see why you are not enjoying the holidays. I am directing this to anyone in this situation. Best of luck.
Again, people who aren't alone for the holidays not "getting" people who are alone.
It's a recurrent theme here!
True. I don’t get it. The same as people who complain they are lonely when I have never been lonely a day in my life. Even if I had no girlfriend for years at a time, I was never lonely. And I didn’t need anyone around me to not feel lonely. I actually love being alone as much as I do being with others. I can take it either way. Just sit home and watch some Christmas movies and drink a glass of wine. Be thankful you don’t have some cray family members who are fighting or some spouse you no longer get along with. It is a blessing as much as you think it is a curse.
Why don’t you have someone in your life to share them with? Why don’t you have close enough friends to share them with? There must be a reason. This sounds harsh but I am just stating the obvious. Look toward yourself to see why you are not enjoying the holidays.
There could be lots of reasons, including the "obvious" fact that, even if you have close enough friends, they're no doubt spending the holiday with their own family. Judge not.
There could be lots of reasons, including the "obvious" fact that, even if you have close enough friends, they're no doubt spending the holiday with their own family. Judge not.
I am not judging at all. I was just asking an obvious question. When I was in my twenties and thirties, my best friend had minimal family. His father died, his 40 year old brother died, his was not on speaking terms with his sister because of her husband and his mother had her leg amputated and living in Florida 1500 miles away. My family invited him to every holiday there ever was. He felt a bit funny as if he was imposing but he was welcome. So, I was busy with my family but still included him. That was my experience.
So, if you your family are dead or not in contact with, no romantic partner or close friends, then you cannot expect anything else. This is completely within one's control. People love to be the victim. You cannot bring back dead relatives but you can have close friends and a romantic relationship. If you cannot, take a close look at oneself to see why. This seems so simple to me.
Last edited by trusso11783; 05-12-2022 at 11:21 AM..
When I was in my twenties and thirties, my best friend had minimal family...My family invited him to every holiday there ever was...So, if you your family are dead or not in contact with, no romantic partner or close friends, then you cannot expect anything else. This is completely within one's control. People love to be the victim. You cannot bring back dead relatives but you can have close friends and a romantic relationship. If you cannot, take a close look at oneself to see why...
May I just point out that this attitude is precisely WHY so many "feel bad" about this?
Your friend was very fortunate to have a best friend whose family welcomed him into their home on holidays. But not everyone is that fortunate. Not everyone has a best friend who worries about one being alone, not everyone's best friend's family would necessarily wish to adopt another person on their family holidays, and not everyone would feel comfortable barging or horning in, as some see it, on family holidays with other families as your friend apparently did. Some people only feel lonelier in the midst of a happy family not their own and prefer to ignore the holiday or do something other than celebrate it in the traditional manner with strangers or even with sympathetic (or pitying) friends and acquaintances.
Your repeated suggestions that we must somehow deserve it or have merited this if we find ourselves alone on holidays only echo the self-doubt that runs through our minds on those days, and it seldom reflects reality. Nor is it helpful or kind.
As I said, there are myriad reasons why blameless folks find themselves alone on holidays.
It's obvious those of you who are mystified by the phenomenon have never experienced it.
I hope you never do.
Last edited by otterhere; 05-13-2022 at 03:12 PM..
I am not judging at all. I was just asking an obvious question. When I was in my twenties and thirties, my best friend had minimal family. His father died, his 40 year old brother died, his was not on speaking terms with his sister because of her husband and his mother had her leg amputated and living in Florida 1500 miles away. My family invited him to every holiday there ever was. He felt a bit funny as if he was imposing but he was welcome. So, I was busy with my family but still included him. That was my experience.
So, if you your family are dead or not in contact with, no romantic partner or close friends, then you cannot expect anything else. This is completely within one's control. People love to be the victim. You cannot bring back dead relatives but you can have close friends and a romantic relationship. If you cannot, take a close look at oneself to see why. This seems so simple to me.
Well, it may seem "simple" to you, but it's not in real life. As one gets older, friends die and it's not that easy to make new ones. You can join groups but the relationships formed there tend to be fairly superficial, and many of those people have families of their own. They're not about to invite you to holiday gatherings. As far as romantic relationships, read the Relationships forum here and tell me how "simple" it is to find romance at any age. Hah. I'm in my 70's, widowed, and TBH, romance is pretty scarce, to say the least. I'm not about to be a nurse to an elderly man, and my purse isn't sufficient to attract a younger one.
I am not judging at all. I was just asking an obvious question. When I was in my twenties and thirties, my best friend had minimal family. His father died, his 40 year old brother died, his was not on speaking terms with his sister because of her husband and his mother had her leg amputated and living in Florida 1500 miles away. My family invited him to every holiday there ever was. He felt a bit funny as if he was imposing but he was welcome. So, I was busy with my family but still included him. That was my experience.
So, if you your family are dead or not in contact with, no romantic partner or close friends, then you cannot expect anything else. This is completely within one's control. People love to be the victim. You cannot bring back dead relatives but you can have close friends and a romantic relationship. If you cannot, take a close look at oneself to see why. This seems so simple to me.
If everyone could have a romantic relationship, there wouldn't be so many single people out there wishing they could find a partner or even some close friends. Such relationships are not something one goes out shopping for and finds on a shelf.
People mourning the loss of family and other loved ones are not "playing the victim". Geez. What with such a cold and compassionless soul, I'd think your house would be the last place anyone would want to be on a holiday!
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