Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That being said, time around others is still a good thing for me. I just can't go, go, go all of the time and be "on" for too long without a break.
I wonder what am I - an extrovert or an introvert? Every time I take the MB test I get a different result depending on my mood. I show bipolar symptoms so there's that lol.
I consider strangers scary. At work it takes time for me to open and I'm known as the handsome and mysterious silent guy. With time and with friendlier people I loosen up and see they're not that scary and are as imperfect as me, so I can relax around them. I think this is low self-esteem/fear of being judged issues as I was picked up by classmates at school and my dad is overly critical and never satisfied with me even to this day.
But if I build rapport with a coworker or become friends with one I can start to talk excessively. In fact I made an otherwise silent, seemingly introverted or shy coworker to open up and we now spend almost the whole work day talking for hours... I can do that with others when in one on one or in a group of just a few people, but I'm bad with larger groups of people and shy away from them. Hence why working in an open floor office is difficult. Back at school a teacher had to tape my mouth once for me to stop talking with my friends in class... not being drained by talking with friends all day sounds more E but shying away in groups and with strangers, not starting small talk with people until I get to know them better is more akin to an I, no?
I can literally spend a whole day with my friends or gf and not get drained. In fact I feel recharged by that which screams E.
But a whole day with a large group of strangers/coworkers, some of whom I don't know that well feeds my "they're all gonna judge you" fears and it's really draining. That's why I avoid parties and buses. In my perfect world everyone will try to engage me in small talk but we all know often you have to put in the effort, but I'm scared to speak up to random people... Thinking about it I'd be the happiest person if I could overcome my fear of (public) speaking and talking to strangers.
My coworker friend seems the opposite to me - he would talk to any random stranger and even goes to their dogs and asks to pet them. I fear asking for petting people's pets. Sometimes I even fear looking at strangers even. And yet, he's not always ready to go out to a bar with me like I am and seems to spend days going out all alone. I do the same and feel sad when I see people with their friends and I'm all alone. It's hard, almost impossible for me to initiate convos with strangers which limits the number of my friends but if someone strikes a friendly small talk with me they literally make my day.
I wonder what am I - an extrovert or an introvert? Every time I take the MB test I get a different result depending on my mood. I show bipolar symptoms so there's that lol.
I consider strangers scary. At work it takes time for me to open and I'm known as the handsome and mysterious silent guy. With time and with friendlier people I loosen up and see they're not that scary and are as imperfect as me, so I can relax around them. I think this is low self-esteem/fear of being judged issues as I was picked up by classmates at school and my dad is overly critical and never satisfied with me even to this day.
But if I build rapport with a coworker or become friends with one I can start to talk excessively. In fact I made an otherwise silent, seemingly introverted or shy coworker to open up and we now spend almost the whole work day talking for hours... I can do that with others when in one on one or in a group of just a few people, but I'm bad with larger groups of people and shy away from them. Hence why working in an open floor office is difficult. Back at school a teacher had to tape my mouth once for me to stop talking with my friends in class... not being drained by talking with friends all day sounds more E but shying away in groups and with strangers, not starting small talk with people until I get to know them better is more akin to an I, no?
I can literally spend a whole day with my friends or gf and not get drained. In fact I feel recharged by that which screams E.
But a whole day with a large group of strangers/coworkers, some of whom I don't know that well feeds my "they're all gonna judge you" fears and it's really draining. That's why I avoid parties and buses. In my perfect world everyone will try to engage me in small talk but we all know often you have to put in the effort, but I'm scared to speak up to random people... Thinking about it I'd be the happiest person if I could overcome my fear of (public) speaking and talking to strangers.
My coworker friend seems the opposite to me - he would talk to any random stranger and even goes to their dogs and asks to pet them. I fear asking for petting people's pets. Sometimes I even fear looking at strangers even. And yet, he's not always ready to go out to a bar with me like I am and seems to spend days going out all alone. I do the same and feel sad when I see people with their friends and I'm all alone. It's hard, almost impossible for me to initiate convos with strangers which limits the number of my friends but if someone strikes a friendly small talk with me they literally make my day.
Why would you take the test more than once? How many times have you taken it? If I remember correctly, it's not cheap.
On mbti I was 50/50 -E/I when I was given the long test in college, but I think I behaved a bit more introverted.
I was compelled to seek out company a lot in my younger years though - bored a lot, needed company, and being around heavily introverted people was annoying for me because they were so hesitant to take initiative in conversations and hesitant in general- emotionally, with needing a great deal of privacy and alone time/ space, making decisions carefully, etc. Most folks I knew were more in the center, or would think of themselves as introverted but they weren't buried in their own heads and like me needed to get out and do things.
However, like at lunch at school, I’d avoid eating with people, like I need a break from people. Though at dinner eating out, I disliked being a solo diner and wouldn't do it except at lunch. Being stared at during dinner is not a good time.
As I get older I behave more introvertedly, but maybe it’s because I have fewer good friends in my city. Around people I get along with it’s easy to get together and hang out.
Also getting older, I can do a bit of public speaking normally whereas in my youth, I’d die at the thought of it and put off taking classes that required a lot of it. Now I think it would be fun or to perform in some fashion.
Also, at parties I can chat people up, whereas younger I’d be more tongue tied. Younger, I’d think I was saying obvious, trivial things at parties. Older I know it’s trite to make small talk but I’ll do it anyway because I know there’s no point in showing up if I don’t say anything, plus it makes people more comfortable.
^But can they be erased somehow? For example by hypnotherapy?
Erased? No. But if you wanted to become for outgoing you would need to put the effort into it but engaging in social activities, pushing yourself just a little out of your comfort zone and finding some confidence in doing things with others. Its a matter of choice and of effort. Not saying its easy - but all things worth doing take effort. Examine the benefits for motivation.
As a child I was very confident and I'd say looking back I was an ambivert with very extroverted tendencies. But in my teens I become extremely introverted for whatever reason. I was never afraid to approach a stranger much or be approached by one until age 13. How's that possible when in my country we have a saying you develop your true personality in the first seven years of your life? Could be folk tales IDK, but I was a different person in the first 12 years of my life and suddenly became very closed off. Is it that I developed social anxiety instead of introversion or can social anxiety make you an introvert? Any similar stories to mine?
People adapt to their environment. We are all Ambiverts.
I was going to say much the same thing, Fleetie. Because of this common misconception, i.e., introverts must be shy and anxious, I know that people are surprised to find that I'm an extroverted introvert. That is, I'm fine in most social situations and interact well and confidently with others for the most part, but too much time around others without respite is something that exhausts me.
Recharging time is a necessity for my mental and physical health (and that of others, lol. If I don't get that down time, it's not overly pleasant to be around me as I become rather short tempered).
That being said, time around others is still a good thing for me. I just can't go, go, go all of the time and be "on" for too long without a break.
Yes, that's what I am too. I'm generally okay most of the time in social situations, though I'm not a conversation starter; but if there's someone in say a group with whom I'm interacting and they drive the conversation so that I have something to reply to--and sometimes this can generate inputs of my own into the conversation--then I have no problem and can talk and talk and talk. But if I get someone like me who's not a talker then it's a real chore and generally there's a lot of dead space and me trying to think of what to say next.
Most of the time I'm definitely not shy and there was a time before covid hit where I wanted to meet more people in my church since I only really talked with like a handful so I would go up to them and had three questions that I hoped would generate conversation, and I really enjoyed doing that (I think it was about 5 weeks that I did that for and then covid hit and our church stopped meeting for a bit). Doing that was way out of my comfort zone though because like I said I'm not a talker so I was so anxious that I'd ask the questions, they would respond with like a one or two sentence answer and then that's it. And I would be sitting there thinking, okay, should I like say something about how the weather is now? and how do I say that so it's like not an obvious "I'm just not sure what to say next" jump after what was just said?
But hopefully I'll get to the point where I'll get around to doing that again because it was enjoyable; most of the conversations went really well, and I met some new people doing that (I'm just a bit hesitant because due to my exceptionally poor memory I actually can't remember for sure what one of the questions was! And I don't recall if I used the "3rd" as a back-up or it it actually was a fourth question! If I had known that this covid stuff would happen and I wouldn't be doing this for a while I would have written them down; but I was so upset when it happened and then I was like--okay, I guess I shouldn't have been doing this because right when it seemed like I was getting into the swing of this going up and meeting people this happens! So my negative and ornery nature came out and I wasn't going to be writing down anything. But hopefully one day I'll get my courage back up and just head on in to see what happens).
Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1
People do it all the time with alcohol. A lot of people socialize better at bars than in other places because the drinks make them more relaxed and alleviate their social anxieties and inhibitions, allowing them to talk to strangers as if they are friends. With a few drinks, the "normal rules" start to disappear.
And this is exactly what my brother does. He actually is just the opposite of me! An introverted extrovert. He wants to be around people, but he's too shy. He called me the other day and was like, "I have no friends." I'm thinking to myself, "I have too many of them, do you want a few?" (they're actually more like acquaintances because I really don't like socializing with people too much). He's also like me with the conversation stuff so it's a huge chore to talk with him. I told him that I just do not like talking on the phone. He became an alcoholic because he's so shy around people and drinking is the only way he feels like he can talk to people the way he'd like to.
So I have all these people I can meet and hang out with but do not want to, and he wants to meet people and hang out with them but doesn't have anyone! It's too bad he doesn't live close by, but then he's a confirmed atheist so he wouldn't want to hang out with the people at church anyway (though I know for sure he would have some great philosophical conversations with a few of them if he ever did get up the nerve to meet them somehow, like if he were visiting ever, which he never does).
Last edited by Basiliximab; 05-30-2022 at 02:43 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
With time and with friendlier people I loosen up and see they're not that scary and are as imperfect as me, so I can relax around them. I think this is low self-esteem/fear of being judged issues as I was picked up by classmates at school and my dad is overly critical and never satisfied with me even to this day.
Thinking about it I'd be the happiest person if I could overcome my fear of (public) speaking and talking to strangers.
