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Same can go with anxiety. Certain things my parents did throughout the years that is the major reason for my life-long anxiety issues can come back up to the surface when my wife says/does certain things. And I am 51 years old.
There’s a distinction between acknowledging the influence one’s past may have had on us vs. using it as a life-long crutch/excuse relative to your wife ‘saying/doing certain things’. You’re 51 now; you’re responsible for your own psychological health (and triggers with your wife).
If you aren’t happy (or you’re experiencing anxiety), it’s on you to do something about it; blaming your parents thirty or forty years later won’t fix it.
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 07-11-2022 at 02:42 PM..
There’s a distinction between acknowledging the influence one’s past may have had on us vs. using it as a life-long crutch/excuse relative to your wife ‘saying/doing certain things’. You’re 51 now; you’re responsible for your own psychological health (and triggers with your wife).
If you aren’t happy (or you’re experiencing anxiety), it’s on you to do something about it; blaming your parents thirty or forty years later won’t fix it.
You don’t know me or what kind of “trauma” my parents instilled in me. I can place the blame (as well as my therapist) to a source but I am responsible for making my well-being as tolerable as possible. Some things people will carry with them until the day that they die but I choose to “deal” with certain things to the best of my ability. Thanks for caring….
You don’t know me or what kind of “trauma” my parents instilled in me. I can place the blame (as well as my therapist) to a source but I am responsible for making my well-being as tolerable as possible.
While I’m sympathetic, my point is simply it’s to your own benefit to stop ‘blaming’ thirty/forty years later for the anxiety you describe, particularly relative to your current day i.e. your wife. In other words, as long as you hang on to that ‘scapegoat’, so to speak, it’s an excuse to remain anxious/psychologically unwell (per the thread).
I didn't take it that the person was necessarily "blaming", but rather aware and acknowledging that a childhood issue can trigger certain feelings today.
My sister was hit by a car and hospitalized for a month 43 years ago. If she is walking down a street and a car horn blows close by she will jump. She isn't blaming anyone. She is just reacting.
I was in a building that somebody flew a jet into more than 20 years ago. Every Tuesday around 2 pm, a nearby cement factory blasts rock. I know it is coming but when it happens, I have a brief urge to jump up and run.
Why can't the same can happen with personal relationship traumas?
I didn't take it that the person was necessarily "blaming", but rather aware and acknowledging that a childhood issue can trigger certain feelings today.
Sure, awareness can be insightful but it doesn’t solve anything in and of itself, particularly when it’s being brought up thirty/forty years later relative to triggers with the poster’s wife, as opposed to learning how to deal with his relationship(s) more effectively in the present.
In other words, relative to the thread, the past is what it is; but the goal should be doing what is necessary for (working toward) psychological health today.
Sure, awareness can be insightful but it doesn’t solve anything in and of itself, particularly when it’s being brought up thirty/forty years later relative to triggers with the poster’s wife, as opposed to learning how to deal with his relationship(s) more effectively in the present.
In other words, relative to the thread, the past is what it is; but the goal should be doing what is necessary for (working toward) psychological health today.
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