How do teenagers feel about sexual attention from adults? (men, boyfriend, dating)
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I know it probably sounds like I'm excusing older people in having sex with teenagers and that's not really what I'm trying to do here. I think that what I truly wish I could get across is, in a way, an even more protective view of the young than what most people would advocate. That teenage "vulnerability" doesn't suddenly end at 18. Sometimes it is greater. Sometimes a kid that age needs the protection of their parents against predatory or abusive people more than ever.
I didn't have it. I lost all of my protections and ended up in hell because of this idea of a switch that flips on your 18th birthday and suddenly you're "an adult." Because I believed it. I did not see a 29 year old man as someone I needed to protect myself from. He was an adult...so...I was, too, right?
I see 18-25ish as a VERY vulnerable age. The parental safety net is often gone, but the person doesn't yet have the maturity to walk the tightrope with wisdom and skill.
Why would anyone be in the position it’s even questionable? I’ve dated women over the years I’ve met online as well as at airports, social gatherings/professional events, a farmers’ market, whatever. There was never any question as to the fact they were adult women relative to the environment in which we met as well as the conversation - even if I didn’t know a precise age immediately.
Why? You'd have to ask them. It happens ALL the time. When I was 15, people often assumed I as 21 or older. I didn't start getting carded until I was in my 30s! Notice you list places where you meet people in person. That's extremely different than online.
Why? You'd have to ask them. It happens ALL the time. When I was 15, people often assumed I as 21 or older. I didn't start getting carded until I was in my 30s! Notice you list places where you meet people in person. That's extremely different than online.
He said online as well as other places.
It's one thing to not know the girl you're talking to is too young. Yes, that happens sometimes. But it's quite another when someone starts chatting up someone, knowing full well she's only 13, she TELLS him she's only 13, and he tells her how sexy she is, and he'll pick her up for a rendevous. Or he's only 14, and the teacher hits him up for sex.
Why? You'd have to ask them. It happens ALL the time. When I was 15, people often assumed I as 21 or older. I didn't start getting carded until I was in my 30s! Notice you list places where you meet people in person. That's extremely different than online.
It’s not different; when I was single, I met women online (prior to meeting them in person) as well. In actuality, if anything, it’s easier to know someone’s precise age online because of the verification process and knowing so much more about them prior to a date vs. women I have met serendipitously elsewhere.
Either way, there’s no reason for an adult to even try to talk to a teen - yet alone give sexual attention, per the thread, unless they are psychologically/socially unwell themselves. I call a spade a spade; and frankly, I’m stunned there aren’t more who agree - particularly relative to legality.
It’s not different; when I was single, I met women online (prior to meeting them in person) as well. In actuality, if anything, it’s easier to know someone’s precise age online because of the verification process and knowing so much more about them prior to a date vs. women I have met serendipitously elsewhere.
Either way, there’s no reason for an adult to even try to talk to a teen - yet alone give sexual attention, per the thread, unless they are psychologically/socially unwell themselves. I call a spade a spade; and frankly, I’m stunned there aren’t more who agree - particularly relative to legality.
The age of menarche has been dropping over time, it was 16.5, in the 1840's it was 13 in 1995 and apparently it's 12 today.
Some of this is diet, some of it is likely the hormones in the foods. There is school of thought that menarche starts in women when they get to 100 pounds and because that is happening earlier, menarche and puberty are starting earlier in women too.
Culturally and legally we have been raising the age of consent for women, in part because to thrive in modern society we need more education, but there is an increasing mismatch between what the law says and the underlying biological cues that males respond sexually to in females and I don't think that is going away either.
Lastly reliable birth control backed up by safe and legal abortion has meant that a lot of the social surveliance around women's sexuality (including young women's) has fallen to the wayside. Today if your 15 year old daughter is having sex with her boyfriend, she gets put on birth control, and her boyfriend generally doesn't go to jail. So let's be clear we have already tacitly permitted some sexualization of young women in some situations.
We are now just arguing about the proper parameters of that sexualization of young women and how far it can go.
The age of menarche has been dropping over time, it was 16.5, in the 1840's it was 13 in 1995 and apparently it's 12 today.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shelato
Culturally and legally we have been raising the age of consent for women, in part because to thrive in modern society we need more education, but there is an increasing mismatch between what the law says and the underlying biological cues that males respond sexually to in females and I don't think that is going away either.
Socialization is a key component to psychological health and behavior as well as one’s emotional development. Obviously, for an adult to pursue a teen sexually, they must also engage (or stalk) a teen in their environment, as opposed to (what should be) an adult’s more fully-developed social environment relative to interests, career, friends or colleagues. They must devise a specific plan of action outside of their social circle/interests, or perhaps they don’t have friends (peers/other adults) at all - which is telling from a psychological standpoint, in and of itself. All for what purpose? To seek the imbalance of power which favors themselves and a feeling of control over one who is more easily manipulated, for their benefit.
It ultimately isn’t about sex in and of itself - as it’s far more easily obtainable elsewhere (with adult women) sans pariah-like behavior or being shunned by others (not to mention the potential legality or consequences). That said, what the (bleep) re: the age of menarche or ‘underlying biological cues’ relative to teens?
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 07-29-2022 at 01:37 PM..
Whoa
So you were presumably 17 and your parents didn't think it weird that a man who was 8 years older was taking you to the prom?
Or was it your brother who took you?
I was 17, and my prom date was 24. My parents didn't care... they liked him, and still do (well, my father is no longer alive) now that we're together again at the ages of 45/52. Not everything is so black and white when it comes to human relationships.
And just for the sake of statistics: I'm a professional librarian with multiple degrees (BA + MLIS), and he's a divorced father of 3 with a very good job managing a hotel maintenance department. So neither of us are "losers," and have done pretty well in life despite our questionable beginning. And no, we didn't continue to date during the years he was married. lol
Socialization is a key component to psychological health and behavior as well as one’s emotional development. Obviously, for an adult to pursue a teen sexually, they must also engage (or stalk) a teen in their environment, as opposed to (what should be) an adult’s more fully-developed social environment relative to interests, career, friends or colleagues. They must devise a specific plan of action outside of their social circle/interests, or perhaps they don’t have friends (peers/other adults) at all - which is telling from a psychological standpoint, in and of itself. All for what purpose? To seek the imbalance of power which favors themselves and a feeling of control over one who is more easily manipulated, for their benefit.
It ultimately isn’t about sex in and of itself - as it’s far more easily obtainable elsewhere (with adult women) sans pariah-like behavior or being shunned by others (not to mention the potential legality or consequences). That said, what the (bleep) re: the age of menarche or ‘underlying biological cues’ relative to teens?
I'm just shaking my head at your position in this thread. I mean, I expect you to argue like a lawyer. But no, not every legal adult who has some interest or connection to a (post-pubescent) teen is "stalking" them. Society does not strictly compartmentalize the two.
Lots of people age out of high school every year but had the chance to know other students who were 4 years younger than they were before they graduated. Many turn 18 while still attending high school surrounded by others who are on the other side of that legal line.
Young adults who find themselves with some kind of romantic or sexual spark, interest, potential or connection...they are NOT necessarily sicko monster perv predators, "stalking" kids. And a lot of (post-pubescent) teens are not anything like "children" either.
The law is black and white, but biology isn't. And morality lies somewhere in between. I mean, how about this, if the age of consent is 18 where you are and in your mind...but in some other country it's 16, and everyone there draws the line at 16...does that mean that it's monstrous and stalkery and gross in one country but not in another? Does it mean that a 16 year old is a child here, but not there?
Anyways. Regardless of how you feel about this, or how more healthy, mature, or intelligent people feel about this... Pretty much every woman in the world can tell you that we started receiving sexual interest and attention from adult men well before we turned 18. A lot of us (me) will tell you it was right around the time we got through the main changes of puberty. I was 12. And it was not just like, one random sicko, it became a common thing. Catcalls from adult men in public.
Part of the gendered issue there, is that boys that age really are still children. The most dramatic stuff of puberty hits girls before it hits boys. I suspect that's why we have this disconnect...some males (to include older "boys" and men) are more in control of their urges, and some are not smart enough or wise enough or disciplined enough to be...some are also more entitled than others, regardless of their intellect, and don't think that rules apply to them. I'd argue that those ones are the more predatory kind.
But to give you an idea of the commonality here, I keep seeing a meme (so I cannot vouch that the data is actually accurate, and I do not object to being fact checked on this!) that says that 40% of teen pregnancies in girls age 15 are fathered by a man who is 20 or older.
Now you may believe that such things are WRONG. And you may even be correct about that. But guess what, though? That doesn't mean that they are rare. And illegal or not, most instances will not feature anybody being arrested or going to jail. Though once again, I maintain that the CHANCE of such makes it a hell of a bad idea.
Socialization is a key component to psychological health and behavior as well as one’s emotional development. Obviously, for an adult to pursue a teen sexually, they must also engage (or stalk) a teen in their environment, as opposed to (what should be) an adult’s more fully-developed social environment relative to interests, career, friends or colleagues. They must devise a specific plan of action outside of their social circle/interests, or perhaps they don’t have friends (peers/other adults) at all - which is telling from a psychological standpoint, in and of itself. All for what purpose? To seek the imbalance of power which favors themselves and a feeling of control over one who is more easily manipulated, for their benefit.
It ultimately isn’t about sex in and of itself - as it’s far more easily obtainable elsewhere (with adult women) sans pariah-like behavior or being shunned by others (not to mention the potential legality or consequences). That said, what the (bleep) re: the age of menarche or ‘underlying biological cues’ relative to teens?
My friend's daughter is 15 and has monster boobs, and she has had monster boobs since she was 11. She is getting attention from men, but these men are not attracted to his daughter because she is 11 years old or 15 years old but because these men are interested in women with monster boobs and these men just assume there is no way this girl can be 15 (or 11) because of just how big her monster boobs are.
Being interested in monster boobs doesn't make you psychologically unhealthy, it makes you a heterosexual male.
Why the age of menarche is relevant to this discussion is that is how scientists measure at what age women are entering into puberty. When the age of menarche is dropping, that means girls are entering into puberty at earlier and earlier ages. The gap between the legal age of consent and the underlying biological cues (like breast development) is getting larger and larger. The larger the gap, the more sexual attention these girls are going to get from adults.
My friend's daughter is 15 and has monster boobs, and she has had monster boobs since she was 11. She is getting attention from men, but these men are not attracted to his daughter because she is 11 years old or 15 years old but because these men are interested in women with monster boobs and these men just assume there is no way this girl can be 15 (or 11) because of just how big her monster boobs are.
Being interested in monster boobs doesn't make you psychologically unhealthy, it makes you a heterosexual male.
Why the age of menarche is relevant to this discussion is that is how scientists measure at what age women are entering into puberty. When the age of menarche is dropping, that means girls are entering into puberty at earlier and earlier ages. The gap between the legal age of consent and the underlying biological cues (like breast development) is getting larger and larger. The larger the gap, the more sexual attention these girls are going to get from adults.
I got my period at the age of 9 and started wearing a bra at the age of 9. No normal person would say it's OK to hit on a 9 yr old.
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