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How do teenagers feel about sexual attention from adults?
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man
But how do the teenagers on the receiving end feel about this? Do they reciprocate the attraction with the adults? Do they put up with it because they don't feel that they can say no? Does it disgust them? No doubt any of these reactions could happen, but I wonder if there are any dominant themes?
Bizarre thread, to be sure. Since you’re speaking to teenagers, the ‘dominant theme’ is the legality standpoint i.e. age of consent (and the lack of psychological health in the adult). In other words, they can’t (legally or) emotionally ‘reciprocate the attraction’ relative to exploitation.
Teenage sexual sentiments are just as varied and individualized as those of adults. But most people prefer a partner close to their own age. It would be extremely rare for a 16-year-old to prefer a partner who is 35.
Bizarre thread, to be sure. Since you’re speaking to teenagers, the ‘dominant theme’ is the legality standpoint i.e. age of consent (and the lack of psychological health in the adult). In other words, they can’t (legally or) emotionally ‘reciprocate the attraction’ relative to exploitation.
That said, why are you asking this question?
We all understand the legal aspect, at least that is how I see it. The question from the OP, I take it, out of trying to understand the mentality of a young person, not express agreement on such situations.
Trying to find answers and understand can help all of us on how help a young person if we see going to a hurtful or harmful situation as I see it.
You have a great day.
elamigo
Yeah, I've always had an unpopular opinion on this subject, definitely colored by my life experiences. My husband and I watched the movie, "Lolita" with Jeremy Irons in it, together. And that film really illustrated my particular point of grievance with these kinds of interactions. Basically, for anyone who knows the plot, my take is that if the older man character had just slept with the girl (assuming she didn't get pregnant or catch an STI from him) and then had up and moved on with his life, leaving her behind forever...she would have been hurt and upset short term, but she would have probably got over it and had a pretty normal life, more or less. It was the RELATIONSHIP and not just the sex, that derailed her childhood.
I have never seen sex, on its own, as the monumental big frickin' deal that most do. But a relationship with a power imbalance, is one where the vulnerable person cannot just leave. With the worst kind of underage/adult connections, we're talking about an adult who is part of the minor's life. A teacher, a coach, a stepparent, a neighbor...someone they can't just avoid. When I was a teenager and had sex with men in their 20s, so long as I could break up with them and put them out of my life at some point, it just wasn't that big of a deal. I cannot see how it would have been any better if they'd been my own age. If anything, had I become pregnant, another teenage boy would be less equipped to help with that situation.
What I needed protection from though, was not sexual experiences or a loss of "innocence"... It was long term commitments that I was not ready to consent to. Pregnancy being a big one, so thankfully my Mom got me on the pill as soon as she found out that I was active. But later once I was living on my own, I wish I had known to never let one of these men move into my apartment. It was the "I require a lifelong commitment" part that was harmful, I was too young to make that kind of big decision, to be making choices that couldn't easily be undone.
So I think that underage marriage is vastly, VASTLY worse, than underage (presumably consensual) casual sex...no matter the age of the other partner. I feel like most view it the other way, because they see marriage and family making as objectively "better" than just having sex for its own sake. Like it's the only moral justification for an otherwise sinful act. Well, I just don't see it that way and I never have.
I was always sketchy about adults when I was a teenager. Since I was in 6th grade through high school (in the 90s) , I've had a handful of close female friends (and a couple male) that had been molested by step-parents, creepy uncles, or neighbors, etc.... I was questioned by the police in 7th grade as a witness for one friend whose stepfather had been molesting her since elementary school and had eventually raped her. Another friend's stepfather actually blew his head off with a shotgun in the backyard of their house when her mother found out and confronted him about how he had been molesting her daughter for maybe 5 years, since she was about 12, which I did not know about until later. Finding out, after the fact, really disturbed me because I used to hang out and sleep over at both of these girl's houses while these men were living there. As for me, I was drugged and date raped by a 22 year old man who took my virginity when I was 17 and still in high school.
I remember 30 year olds trying to date me when I was 18/19. It was a weird, and very predatory feeling at the time so I did not accept their invites. I have a pretty face, but was a late bloomer, skinny with no boobs, and very shy, so it's not like I was walking around with a 'grown woman's' body at the time...
I have always felt that older adults who actively pursue teenagers are hiding some kind of serious personality disorder.
I get that this thread is referring to the USA, but other non-Christian countries have very different customs and practices and in some, girls are married off as soon as they become women. Those girls are going to have expectations which reflect their culture.
I read an essay a while back based on a study where many women said that the first time that they felt "grown up" was when they started having to deal with romantic and sexual advances by older men. Whether those advances were wanted or wanted, consensual or not, dealing with these encounters was when these women felt like an adult. It wasn't graduation or another accomplishment that made them feel this way.
We all understand the legal aspect, at least that is how I see it. The question from the OP, I take it, out of trying to understand the mentality of a young person, not express agreement on such situations.
Trying to find answers and understand can help all of us on how help a young person if we see going to a hurtful or harmful situation as I see it.
Point being, a young teen is unable to reciprocate feelings of sexual attention relative to emotional immaturity/malleability (and the legal aspect, if applicable). Hence, I consider it to be a bit exploitative, in and of itself, the OP is asking how they potentially may feel (relative to returning such feelings) when it’s not rocket science to be attuned to the exploitive factor if one is psychologically healthy.
In other words, it is far more helpful to aid/stop those adults (per the OP’s title) who pursue such relationships or consider it ‘normal’ as a way to prevent it from harming (teenagers) upfront.
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 07-10-2022 at 10:35 AM..
Reason: typo
I get that this thread is referring to the USA, but other non-Christian countries have very different customs and practices and in some, girls are married off as soon as they become women. Those girls are going to have expectations which reflect their culture.
That’s true, although a fifteen year old Hindi girl raised to be married at a young age to an old man, isn’t too different from an FLDS fifteen year old married to an old man. Either way, the girls are exploited, but don’t realize it. Another fifteen year old girl might have the proudest moment in her life if she sleeps with a famous old rapper/rock star and sends pictures of him to her friends. This girl would never think she was being used and neither would her friends.
I think most teens are attracted to their own age group, it’s a natural thing to connect to people who are their age and have the same taste in music, clothes and getting a drivers license. I was never attracted to older guys and think that’s pretty typical of teens in general, but there are exceptions, and that’s especially true in our culture.
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