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I went to prom with a 25 year old guy. No one thought it was weird then. Which seems weird now.
Whoa
So you were presumably 17 and your parents didn't think it weird that a man who was 8 years older was taking you to the prom?
Or was it your brother who took you?
Adults have been engaging in sexual activity with teenagers since forever, and it's not hard to come up with a list of reasons why the adults would do it: they (the adults) are attracted to them (the teenagers); they want to have power over them; they want to make themselves feel young again; they aren't able to get any action from other adults; and so on. But how do the teenagers on the receiving end feel about this? Do they reciprocate the attraction with the adults? Do they put up with it because they don't feel that they can say no? Does it disgust them? No doubt any of these reactions could happen, but I wonder if there are any dominant themes?
And no, I'm not looking to score with any teenagers. I'm thinking about this because I'm reminded of when I was a teenager, and an adult woman was attracted to me, and she ended up making the moves on me (kissing me, taking hold of my hand and putting it down her shirt, putting her hand on my pants). I liked her as a friend at that time, but I was not attracted to her, plus she was married. I'll admit that I went along with it for a brief time, but then I put a stop to it. The whole thing made me uncomfortable. Would I have felt differently if I had been attracted to her? Probably. That's why I'm wondering what the general teenager reaction is to an adult coming on to them.
I don't know if the mods will move this, but I put it in the Psychology forum because I'm interested not in the nuts and bolts of these relationships, but rather how the teenagers feel about them.
I assumed this thread was started by a woman when I read the title.
As a guy myself, I pursued girls my age when I was a teenager, but had no trouble asking older women out if I found them attractive (I was bigger than most guys my age).
If an older woman came on to me, if she was attractive, I'd hook up with her and not think twice about it.
So some of your questions/inquiry has to be more specific regarding age. Don't forget, younger guys have always been willing to engage in sex with older women once we reach a certain age.
Hence this music video covers it;
Now I do remember a time when I was only in 5th grade, and it seemed like one of my friends mom was letting me see a bit too much when I was at their house.
It did make me feel a little unusual, but I was only about 10 or so at the time.
Had I been older, who knows what might have happened.
Teenage girls have always been attracted to adult men and vice versa. I haven't seen any studies yet on female teenage attraction towards adult men, however there have been numerous studies on male adults attraction towards female teens.
As we can see here from this chart, average men begin to find girls to be sexually attractive around 13-14 when physical development and puberty is complete. It's also important to note that girls ages 13-17 are usually physically indistinguishable from legally adult 18 year old women.
Last edited by NearFantastica; 07-11-2022 at 01:47 PM..
My point is that an adult (hopefully) has the ability to say no/take appropriate action relative to such - or call in assistance, if need be.
My point is--it is annoying. You are not a woman, so you have no idea. It starts innocently, then the "grooming" starts. And then a woman is like, "what the ...?" ANNOYING. It is uncomfortable. For the majority of women, we don't find it attractive or wanting the sexual attention.
I was in the 7th grade and had a very uncomfortable feeling with my teacher. I was getting way too much attention, he was driving by my house-he asked me once if I wanted a ride--even then I thought, "ewwww".
I went to prom with a 25 year old guy. No one thought it was weird then. Which seems weird now.
When I was 25, I was in Law School. It would not have been on my radar to even consider taking a high-school girl to her prom, yet alone want to. One has to wonder why the adult isn’t socializing with his own peers i.e. women who are on an equal (maturity/interest) ‘playing field’, so to speak, rather than opting to place himself in a situation to exploit another. For what purpose - other than, indeed, to exploit? At best, it’s simply a case of immaturity/low self-esteem.
Some appear to be unable to make the (huge) distinction of an age difference between two adults vs. an adult/teen, which is disturbing in and of itself - particularly if fixated on the concept.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GiGi603
I was in the 7th grade and had a very uncomfortable feeling with my teacher. I was getting way too much attention, he was driving by my house-he asked me once if I wanted a ride--even then I thought, "ewwww".
This isn’t ‘attention’; it’s (an acting out of) dysfunctional thoughts/behavior and has the potential to be actionable. I hope you notified your parents/the school at the time.
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 07-11-2022 at 03:04 PM..
YMMV. I knew some teen girls in my high school who actually got a kick out of it. In more extreme cases, I hear cases where teen girls would pursue married, adult men to bang them because "that's their thing". Others would be creeped out. I heard a few of my female classmates in high school joking that our gym teacher would have us lay back on mats, legs apart, and while we're doing sit ups, he'll whip out the video camera.
Guys... ditto. If we had a hot female teacher, I'm sure some of us would've taken it as a compliment to be pursued by them.
Otherwise, I'm told that things were quite different if you go back far enough (50s to 20s). Apparently, you'd have a man in his 20s getting married to some 15yo girl. There was no abuse, they had kids, raised them. The man worked, the woman did house work. All was fine. It's too taboo to have this this day in age though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by modest
You're probably not that far off, and it's probably purely biological.
Men tend to gravitate towards younger, attractive mates for purposes of procreation and carrying on their genes.
Women tend to gravitate towards those mates they feel protected by, which older men may be perceived as offering.
Another way I heard of it is..
Men offer: Wealth, status, financial security
Women offer: Beauty, sex, offspring.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT
I will admit that at 15-17 being able to attract the attention of a somewhat older guy was a bit of a thrill, as in a "hey look at me, I must be sexy". It sort of made me feel more like a part of the grown up world, which at that age is probably something most of us earnestly desire. But beyond a certain point, maybe a ten year age difference, the attention felt skeevy to me. It was more of a 'you're practically old enough to be my father, why aren't you with someone closer to your own age' and feeling like they were only interested in 'scoring' with someone young, and not in me as a real person.
It is one of those "confidence boosters". I knew a couple of men in their 40s and 50s who got their day brightened when women who were 20 years their younger were interested in them. They had to cut off any romantic relations since they felt 20 was too big of a gap, but it did feel good that they were attractive to young women. A similar thing would be women who get carded when buying alcohol or gambling, even though they're in their 20s, 30s, or 40s, or even beyond!
I've met people who even though they're adults, they do yearn for their younger days. Going to concerts, road trips, big vacation plans, or running marathons, even when they shouldn't be because it's harder to do these things when you're older. Cases of trying to pick up younger men/women, has been part of that. It can get taken too far when they chat up with teens. I suspect some of the people I talked to had sex in high school, as teens with other teens, so they're literally trying to live out their past. A college roommate told a story how somebody he knew, who knew another person managed to have sex when he and his female classmate were both 13. They got lucky since she didn't get pregnant. It was one of those "forbidden moments" that stood out, like underaged gambling, smoking, or drinking. It was an interesting experience (and awkward) and they did learn from that. However, it ended up not being all that it was cracked up to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
? It’s not a cultural thing. R Kelly’s abuse started even before people had access to the internet and a lot of the girls he abused were younger teens who had absolutely no experience with much of anything before the abuse started. In situations like that, you have people who are famous with young, impressionable girls and women who are told by these men that they are famous, everyone loves them, and who is going to believe a silly little girl?
There was a documentary on Hugh Hefner and the playboy mansion. They would protect the privacy and reputations of their clients and visitor more than the women who were there. One woman who worked there (IIRC, she was in her 40s or 50s, in some management position) mentioned they get younger women b/c there's no way older women who are more mature and confident would ever agree to do things that were high on on debauchery! One case even included having sex with a dog!
Last edited by ackmondual; 07-11-2022 at 06:20 PM..
I don't think teens are interested in pursuing adult relationships with adults. However, because they are not adults, and chock full of hormones, they do make bad decisions that don't kill them. Some worse than others. For the most part, teens would want to develop a relationship with someone their own age. Even in high school, it was considered not right for a senior to go out with a freshman. However, such things happened when suitable partners were not found for individuals in their own acceptable range and there were exceptions.
However, back in the day, an open cougar prowling on high school boys was considered so unlikely that it was laughed about. Still, we had one teacher who was, for an old (30-35) person, mildly attractive. She wore she shortest skirts I'd seen for many years to school. She coached the cheer squad, but was quite fond of massaging the male athletes in the shared facility space. While in the age of machoism it might get played off to a crowd...as what can I say...I'm the man. But I do remember distinctly when I asked what it was all about with her and him simply saying....I really wish she would stop. I don't know why she gives me so much attention. I don't like her. A couple were more confused on it. Like, it was weird, but it did feel good.
At some point she was quietly taken out of all sporting events and moved to become the girls guidance counselor. Then she left sometime after I'd left for college.
The reality is, it screwed with the two I knew....not from a my life is over drama, but it messed with them. Both weren't great with girls anyway, but who knows if that was the attraction or if that was the cause. Either way, adults shouldn't date teens. They shouldn't want to date teens, even if they are for some reason or another attracted to them or someone seems really mature for their age....because they are not adults and they are not ready for an adult relationship. Beneath the veneer of excuses both sexes give as to why they are dating an inappropriately older person, lies someone who is just trying to figure things out. Honestly, while I'm no purist, teens aren't ideal for a sexual relationship as teens, even with each other. However, if it's at least with each other, there's a better chance that one party doesn't overpower the other to a point where one gets forced into something they don't actually want.
Besides, I'm pretty sure my best sex was not as a teenager....even if I totally made my Canadian model girlfriend simply crazy with lust and panting in exhaustion from an all night meeting in passport free Toronto.
My point is--it is annoying. You are not a woman, so you have no idea. It starts innocently, then the "grooming" starts. And then a woman is like, "what the ...?" ANNOYING. It is uncomfortable. For the majority of women, we don't find it attractive or wanting the sexual attention.
I was in the 7th grade and had a very uncomfortable feeling with my teacher. I was getting way too much attention, he was driving by my house-he asked me once if I wanted a ride--even then I thought, "ewwww".
Not being a woman does not mean you cannot have an understanding of how women think and react to situations. Men can help women on women's issues by studying, or even observing how women act, talk, and behave.
I must bring something up before someone screams "stereotyping!" Not all women and not all men act the same way within their gender. That is all I will say on that, but I can explain later is someone needs clarification.
Now, going back, I volunteer for a few years with a non-profit organization that had volunteers to assist victims of sexual assault and rape. I had to go to the hospital to give support and information to victims. The great majority are women as most people may know. On one CD forum a woman told me how dare I did that when a woman was raped by a man. She said that no woman would want to talk to a man after such horrific experience.
Well, I had asked the same question when I went through the training in the Army's Sexual Assault and Rape training. The same when I had the training with the non-profit organization. Both gave me the same answer. The said the men do great in helping women. Actually, the non-profit recruiting ad specifically asked for men.
So, not being a woman does not mean you cannot have an understanding of women to some degree. My wife and I had three daughters. Believe me, I learn to deal with women. One of my daughters came to ME when she had her first sexual experience. My wife asked me to talk to them to explain things about sex.
As far as the last part. Many women do find it attractive and wanting sexual attraction. Why? Because they have the same need for sex as men do. They are sexual beings. Lastly, find out how many sport figures, singers, and actors, can tell tons of stories of young teens offering it to them all the time.
Not being a woman does not mean you cannot have an understanding of how women think and react to situations. Men can help women on women's issues by studying, or even observing how women act, talk, and behave.
I must bring something up before someone screams "stereotyping!" Not all women and not all men act the same way within their gender. That is all I will say on that, but I can explain later is someone needs clarification.
Now, going back, I volunteer for a few years with a non-profit organization that had volunteers to assist victims of sexual assault and rape. I had to go to the hospital to give support and information to victims. The great majority are women as most people may know. On one CD forum a woman told me how dare I did that when a woman was raped by a man. She said that no woman would want to talk to a man after such horrific experience.
Well, I had asked the same question when I went through the training in the Army's Sexual Assault and Rape training. The same when I had the training with the non-profit organization. Both gave me the same answer. The said the men do great in helping women. Actually, the non-profit recruiting ad specifically asked for men.
So, not being a woman does not mean you cannot have an understanding of women to some degree. My wife and I had three daughters. Believe me, I learn to deal with women. One of my daughters came to ME when she had her first sexual experience. My wife asked me to talk to them to explain things about sex.
As far as the last part. Many women do find it attractive and wanting sexual attraction. Why? Because they have the same need for sex as men do. They are sexual beings. Lastly, find out how many sport figures, singers, and actors, can tell tons of stories of young teens offering it to them all the time.
You have a great day.
elamigo
I fully agree with this as well as the notion that men can be feminists just as much as women in that we're all here to make life better for one another (in an ideal world, of course). Misandry is every bit as toxic as misogyny; I wish that more women recognized that fact.
On a personal note (and I don't share this often): I was sexually assaulted as a teen and later as a young adult as well as some other things that happened when I was a child. Male friends were the ones who I turned to for support and comfort--partially because one friend had been molested by an older (female) cousin when he was a kid (this happens more often than one might think) another raped by his older (male) and partially because they were my friends who I knew that I could trust with my secrets. Also, women were complicit in what occurred with my second assault. (Not going to go into that story here. Suffice it to say, women cannot always be trusted.)
The fact that my support system consisted of penis-carrying members of society didn't render it useless. On the contrary, it served as a reminder that most men are decent caring people--not just guys looking to take advantage of a woman.
It's funny that you mention that your wife sent your daughters to you when it came time for the birds and bees talk. My parents were both very open to discussing such matters in an age-appropriate manner, but when I began to have more specific questions regarding boys/men that couldn't be answered by mom or by books, my mother had me ask my father those questions....and he did, however blushingly when it came to some of them. I'm glad that your girls had a strong male role model in their lives as it really does make a difference in their lives, I'm sure. It certainly did in mine. Had I not had the father that I did, flirtation and inappropriate behavior from older men towards me as a teenager might have easily crossed over the line from mere flattery into dangerous territory with real consequences.
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