Trying to understand my husbands reaction to…

[LookinForMayberry]

Originally Posted by otterhere

I don't necessarily agree there's any such thing as "irrational grief." Anytime anyone feels grief, it's real and legitimate and there are valid reasons for it whether others understand or sympathize or not. For instance, I'm still grieving for the end of my career, although absolutely NO ONE gets it...

I can see your point, however I was thinking of my own grief for my cousin in law, and could not find any rational reason that his death hit me so hard, thus my statement.

[OTownDays]

My mother grieved quite a bit for a brother who she had seen I think twice in 40 years. They kept in touch with short notes on Christmas cards during that time. She grieved hard for a brother who'd been estranged from the rest of the family for even longer (his choice - he wouldn't acknowledge my mother if he saw her on the street).

It's tough to sort out why people become estranged. It doesn't mean that there's zero bond, though. They might be grieving for a close childhood relationship that disintegrated as they got older. That's its own kind of tragedy too.

Now that his sister has died, that's a relationship that's lost forever.

[303Guy]

Originally Posted by otterhere

I don't necessarily agree there's any such thing as "irrational grief." Anytime anyone feels grief, it's real and legitimate and there are valid reasons for it whether others understand or sympathize or not. For instance, I'm still grieving for the end of my career, although absolutely NO ONE gets it...

In OP's husband's case, I'm sure he's grieving the loss of the relationship they shared as children, an end to their intact immediate family, and the end of any chance of reconciling or growing closer. It's also a reminder of his own mortality, so maybe he's mourning the loss of his own perceived "invincibility." People often just assume parents go first, so the younger people are "safe," but sometimes that apple cart is upset. It's also a shock, from what you say, so there's that. I'm curious: did he not go visit her when he had the chance -- or want to?

I get it. And this made me think of something. It's an end of an era.

I remember feeling that when my mother passed. And again when my father passed. Perhaps that is part of the reason you grief the end of your career. And perhaps that is what jhlcomp's husband is grieving too. As well as the fact of his sister having passed.