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I have no idea what a safe park is, and what the purpose of living there is. And that you're getting out in 44 days - is that voluntary or is this a place where people are sentenced to live, say, as a halfway house after a stint in a correctional facility?
It kind of matters whether this is just a neighborhood where mainstream folks live, or if he's not living there by his choice, and neither is anyone else.
This is a safe park for homeless people who happen to have vehicles. We're considered basically the rich homeless because we do have such ability to drive vehicles, insure and fuel them.
As for me getting out in 44 days I have been accepted at a retirement community (I am over 62) in Yakima so I will be leaving here and heading up there at the end of July.
Thanks everyone for all your replies I will tread carefully and not try to push the subject. He doesn't always talk about him, actually it's only been recent so I think that the Vietnamese gentleman seems to work long long hours he doesn't get in till 2:00 or 3:00 a.m. and he leaves here around noon so as long as I feel they don't meet everything should be fine.
Thanks again for all your advice it is appreciated.
Some three months ago, a Vietnam vet moved into the safe park. He's been friendly, and pleasant all the time. A month ago, a vietnamese man moved in, directly across from him.
Anytime this veteran mentions him, it's with the "G" word slur. I realize he's still not put his hate for them away. However, unless he commits and overt act, he's allowed to stay.
Recently, he spoke about when "Luke the "G" word" wasn't there, he could park easily. He then used the slur three more times, and then he was upset that one of the daytime reps for the place helped him, I replied "He's willing to help many, don't be whizzing on him"
With that, he put up his reflections before 5 pm. Normally it's 7 pm I'm not mad at him for the slurs, I realize as I said before, he's not dealt with his hate. I'm not about to try helping him "Come to terms" with his hate, nor complain to the reps for his slurs (As the lead already knows his attitude to vietnamese)
I'm out of here in 44 days or so, but did wonder if I could say something that may encourage him to seek help, or should I just tolerate till I leave?
At his age, he's probably just set in his ways. Not likely you can change that, but you can, however, ask him to not use the "slurs" in your presence as it is highly immature and bothers you.
I have a 74 year old 'uncle' (by marriage, not blood) who served 4 combat tours, repatriated 70/71 time frame. You all know him, for a time he was Oliver stones' NCO in a very dicey sitch and the story is 'SSgt Barnes' was partly based on him.
He went over a dumb kid with a slight speech impediment from the bronx and came back a stone cold killer. When the army told him 4 years combat is the limit, he has to go stateside and train others, he mustered out. The system made him a tool with narrow usage. He has a drawer full of silver and bronze medals he wont talk about except the citations oft have the word 'singlehandedly' in them.
For the last 50+ years he has been steadfast loyal to the country, a model citizen and crazy old man, kind and gentle to other people, but eternally distrusting of anyone 'asian'. Since the VA has recognized PTSD as a disorder, he has had a VA appointed shrink - whatever that is worth - and these bennies were hard won. He knew when he came back something was wrong and some of you know him from another event, in the 80's he sawed off a shotgun and 'took' the pittsburgh VA demanding help. He never did one lick of time, never lost his civil rights as he is a firearm collector - so something DID happen to these kids and the powers that be recognize it. We impressed western values on ancient eastern culture where the concept between friend and foe blurred on an hourly basis. That drove this.
In the last 10 years, the last being 5 years ago he has had 7 mini strokes - always at the end of the same dream. He had to kill VC hand to hand when overrun and that is a heck of a thing for anyone - its not a one-off - it was day to da. In this dream, one based on a particularly hard won battle it is HE who is about to be stabbed and he wakes up with a stroke. He believes one day he will be stabbed and that will be his end.
So, these attitudes are/were burned into these kids. He talks more of the war now, and how they really tried to help the civilians, only to time after time, have someone who was friendly, walk up with a grenade or satchel charge or something. The stuff you see in the movies? Aint made up. IF you find these attitudes and behaviours reprehensible, fine, not actually being there gives you that viewpoint but at the same time recognize your ability to do so was won, and defended and continues to be defended by these soldiers. We want our army to be highly efficient at breaking things and killing people. sometimes the things that break are themselves.
DH was on the receiving end of one of these situations back in the Eighties. City construction inspector out on the job and it was the day, a hot summer's day, when the homeowner finally lost it. I suppose it triggered a sense of invasion. He held DH on the porch at gunpoint for a while, finally accepted an offer of a call for help.
Many months later word got around the office that he had entered the building and people were terrified. Someone on the phone said to DH, "He's headed your way." They were hiding behind desks and in closets.
DH said his heart was beating pretty fast when the guy came into his office, put out his hand to shake and thanked him for being the source of his help that day.
No one can ever predict how these things are going to go. That's why we use the word, "crazy." But I truly believe that it's best not to think you can intervene and force help. The opportunity just shows itself and if you're prepared maybe you can offer something.
Too many times in the case of trying to force change it gets physical and then is when unintended harm can happen.
We've got a lot of people in our society now who think change should be forced and it certainly is making a mess. Said it before - people are like water. They eventually all flow to a level spot if you allow it. That is normal society. The others, exercise caution, please. There are worse things than people using the wrong words.
OP, your neighbor most likely saw a lot of bad things (when he was in action) that no human being should ever see or experience.
Sure, Vietnam was 50 years ago, but there are also some older men who served in WWII who still to this day have animosity towards the Japanese. Your neighbor has serious issues, but can't throw it all on him - it's a lot of wounds that still haven't healed (and may never heal, they are very deep)....
PTSD is a very serious issue. I'm not condoning his behavior in any way, but he definitely needs therapy for his PTSD.
Does the vet not realize that most Vietnamese in America, especially those his age, are from South Vietnam, whom fought alongside with Americans against the commie North?
Does the vet not realize that most Vietnamese in America, especially those his age, are from South Vietnam, whom fought alongside with Americans against the commie North?
Unfortunately you can't use factual arguments with PTSD. It's strictly a conditioned emotional response from trauma. It's about personal experience, not generalities.
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