Grieving too long (turtle, animals, PetSmart, turtles)
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I came here over 2 years ago when I lost Nugget, my chi/minpin mix who died suddenly and unexpectedly at the young age of 5. This board did help me at the time. But..... I've had many dogs, but she was that special one, that soul mate. She had a passion for life and fun. She was my clown when I faced the death of my Dad, and my Mom's alzheimers. She gave me so much. When she died I was more than devastated, I was totally gutted.
Now, after over two years, I still cannot face her photos. If my husband accidentally calls another dog her name in error, I break out in tears. The same when I go into Petsmart where I took her to obedience class that she loved so much she squeeled all the way there in the car.
You all understand the loss. But what is wrong with me that I just can't get over this at all? I've lost pets over the years, and have managed to muddle through the grief. But not this time. Advice? I feel like I am betraying her by shutting out her memory. But it still hurts to much.
It is really hard when you lose them so young. And I know how there can be that one special dog among all the dogs you've loved. You may always be a little sadder remembering her than when you think of your other dogs, but I don't think she'd want you to be so very miserable for so long. Maybe a session or two with a grief counselor would help. Maybe you could write about her, just for yourself, about your favorite memories of her, and her traits that made her special. That might help you to work through things more. She helped you through a hard time in your life, maybe that's why you feel so lost without her. I really do think a grief counselor could give you sound advice to deal with this.
I, too, continue to grieve for our dog who died unexpectedly. The suddenness might have something to do with it. We found our 9 year old, healthy dog dead, without a scratch on her. She had to either be hit by a car or bitten by a snake...we'll never know. I just miss her sweetness and I can still almost feel her soft tummy. Anyway, I try not to dwell on it, and when i want to think about her, I do.
Sometimes we place the grief from a humans death onto the death of our animals. I had a cat that helped me through the lost of my Dad. The cat's death hit me hard.
Another time I was house-sitting when my grandmother died. One of the dogs punctured the 20+ year old turtles shell and the turtle died. The turtle was close and tangible, my grandmother was out of state and I hadn't seen her for years. I cried for days over that turtle.
You may be experiencing some belated grief over your dad and misplacing your sadness over your mom. It's not uncommon at all. And if you are peri-menopausal, that really exacerbates the tears. I'd talk to your regular doctor. Depression and/or menopause can both be handled.
I came here over 2 years ago when I lost Nugget, my chi/minpin mix who died suddenly and unexpectedly at the young age of 5. This board did help me at the time. But..... I've had many dogs, but she was that special one, that soul mate. She had a passion for life and fun. She was my clown when I faced the death of my Dad, and my Mom's alzheimers. She gave me so much. When she died I was more than devastated, I was totally gutted.
Now, after over two years, I still cannot face her photos. If my husband accidentally calls another dog her name in error, I break out in tears. The same when I go into Petsmart where I took her to obedience class that she loved so much she squeeled all the way there in the car.
You all understand the loss. But what is wrong with me that I just can't get over this at all? I've lost pets over the years, and have managed to muddle through the grief. But not this time. Advice? I feel like I am betraying her by shutting out her memory. But it still hurts to much.
You really should seek the help of a grief counselor. Many of us on this forum (including me) have suffered the sudden death of a young dog. You admit in your post that you have "shut out her memory" by doing that you won't let yourself grieve for her. Yes I do know how badly it hurts. You can get through it with help. Please see a grief therapist. They can help you to face it and slowly get through it.
Everyone grieves differently so there is no right or wrong period in how long it takes us to get over the loss of a beloved pet. I understand that Nugget was your soul mate and you may never have another dog you will love as much or bond with as deeply. There's nothing wrong with you that two years later you still cry and miss and mourn Nugget.
Perhaps a grief counselor is in order, but only you can determine that. But look at it like this: by loving another pet or pets, Nugget can live on through your love and your emotion. As long as you live, Nugget lives on in your memory. Try and take solace in that.
My cats are a long haired calico, Puddykins, female, 13yo, & Kiki, a short haired, black cat, female, who is 14yo. Puddy, is picky & only loves hubby & I. She is 'mean' to any other. She's really just scared. Kiki loves all, she's just getting older. I see it, but don't want to accept it. :*(
PS I know my cats probably don't have all that much longer to live, but, I 'know' them, if that makes sense. W/ our picky calico, Puddy, I have sounds I make that comfort her. I 'coo' Baby, Hey, & Hmmm for Puddy. Yes, I do, just to calm her still. Even w/ 2 dogs & 2 kids in the mix. I just know my cats. lol I spoil my animals. lol & kids. lol
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