How gay-friendly is Cary? (houses, teachers, dating)

[Francois]

Originally Posted by architect77

Well Francois, you should find a local guy for me, and I'll come back up and live happily ever after. I want a house on Boylan Ave with a skyline view too.

As I said above, you're not going to be happy in Raleigh if, as you say:

to have a normal life I need to live in a city where there are hundreds of thousands of people like me.

but that doesn't mean that there isn't a thriving (maybe "thousands", just not "hundreds of thousands") GLBT population and generally well-accepting community here.

[zinner]

Wouldn't say Cary is gay friendly, like Francois said, it's a nuclear family community. I spend a lot of time in Cary and I don't see any gay couples, unless I am just oblivious.

[raleightop]

Durham pride parade: 30 minutes back and forth on one road
Atlanta: most of the afternoon through midtown

It's all relative.

Think about this as a reflection of the "gay scene:" This region of 1.4 million has three gay bars in its largest city. Comparable cities: Indianapolis=10, Milwaukee=14, Providence=11. Not saying bars are the basis of a community, but in many places they are the starting points. The triangle is a giant suburb, that means no gay neighborhoods large enough to have any influence and many people who don't consider their gay identity as important as those in larger cities. This area is a great place to raise families, be single and straight or be gay and settled but single and gay...mediocre.

[nynraleigh]

Yes, Cary is gay friendly...living in Morrisville, a stones throw from Cary/West Cary, I see gay people all the time in the stores, restaurants, out and about etc. My recent Target shopping this past Sunday, I saw a gay male couple and lesbian couple shopping, they were no different than the straight couple in the same aisle picking out breakfast cereal…

As a single, gay, RTP professional, non-bar scene, male; it always has troubled me that the gay community {not all} think we deserve special attention for being who we are...this isn’t meant to offend anyone, sorry, this is just my observation… I don't require this attention; I live my life for me, bottom line. To me, it’s ridiculous...I'm not solely defined by being gay, I'm defined by the person I am, as a son, brother, friend, neighbor, colleague, and how I treat others in general...It’s a non-issue for me. I don’t go up to my colleagues and start a conversation about their sexuality, more like last night’s TV show or concert over the weekend, etc. and the same goes for them…

For me, I will live anywhere I choose too here or in any other state. I would have no issue purchasing a home single or coupled in Cary or any other place in the triangle. End of story. Last time I checked, money is green and has no sexual identity. My money is just as good in Cary as it is in Carrboro…..

Define Normal? My opinion, there is no definition of normal, for anyone. Live your life and don't think or worry about what others think/say. Life is to damn short. If you treat people how you would want to be treated, you will do fine anywhere.

My current home is in Morrisville, I never once thought, I can't buy/rent/live in Morrisville because I'm gay. I thought about living closer to RTP to make my life easier going to work.

My current neighborhood has a large Indian population, great people and neighbors! Although my one neighbor let’s his grass grow really tall, but that’s another thread…ha-ha Frankly, I really could care less whom my neighbors are {gay, str8, lesbian, Black, White, Hispanic, Indian, Hindu, Islamic, Martian}, as long as they are good people, friendly, stay out of my business, and are respectful. I'll treat them how they treat me/others.

My experience coming from NY, living in the burbs {Long Island}…it’s no different here for gay single or gay couples…sorry, whether you surround yourself with 1 gay person or thousands, it’s all the same to me…just surround yourself with positive people in general and live your life.

Thanks.

[JQ Public]

Here is an interesting census recap of the gay population in NC.
http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.ed...arolina_v2.pdf

[gaytaxi]

@JQ Public: 186 total gay people in Cary. 1028 total in Raleigh. Either pathetic or people closeted like me who are afraid to disclose.

I'm waiting for the anti-gay election results on May 8th. If the NC amendment passes and outlaws gay unions ("marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized" in NC), then I'm moving back to Seattle. The proposal shows the attitudes of our legislators. The results will show the attitudes of the people.

And, back to Cary and SAS: other than providing domestic partner benefits (very much appreciated, but not specifically for same sex couples), SAS gives every impression of not supporting gay people. I've been there for years and know of nobody who is out. In fact, I don't know of anyone who is gay at all. And, I've never heard a word from the company, not even a bland statement about non-discrimination policies. I'm imagining that SAS will be thrilled to have an excuse to remove domestic partner benefits if the anti-gay legislation passes. So, the reality check from me is that it is best to be invisible as a gay person if you live or work in Cary and value acceptance among co-workers. There are exceptions, but keep in mind that they are exceptions, not the rule.

And, Cary ranked 1261 among cities in gay population. Not exactly up there.

[architect77]

Unfortunately, the upcoming vote for the constitutional amendment will pass just as it did in every other southeastern state including Florida. It's a stupid divisive issue, because us gays only comprise 5-10% of the population. Of course the majority of America is going to vote for man/woman marriage only, because they have no reason to vote otherwise.

Californians voted against gay marriage in part because of a huge media campaign that scared less educated voters with many untruths regarding school curriculum and other things.

But fear not, because today's young generation will overturn this decision/amendment as soon as they're old enough to call the shots. I predict that NC will recognize gay marriages/unions within the next decade.

If you are single and don't find yourself a man in NC within a year, perhaps you should return to the more liberal West Coast or somewhere bigger on the East Coast.

There's nothing wrong with NC being a family-oriented stronghold for the country. We wouldn't want everywhere to be the same.

[Francois]

Originally Posted by gaytaxi

@JQ Public: 186 total gay people in Cary. 1028 total in Raleigh. Either pathetic or people closeted like me who are afraid to disclose.

Completely false. First, this is the number of COUPLES, so it's double that number of people--but this only counts those living in couples, who chose to tell the Census this, not single gay people (or, as you say, those who didn't disclose on the Census that they were a same-sex couple). There are way, way, more than 1028 or even 2056 gay people in Raleigh. I manage a mailing list for GLBT folks and have close to that just on my one list, never mind all the gay people who are not affiliated with this particular organization.

If the NC amendment passes and outlaws gay unions

Same-sex marriage is already illegal in NC by statute. If the amendment passes, it would outlaw all unions by same- or opposite-sex people other than "legal marriage". Insidious, yes, but it would not "outlaw gay unions" as you say. It would outlaw any recognition for any union besides male + female legally married people.

And, back to Cary and SAS: other than providing domestic partner benefits (very much appreciated, but not specifically for same sex couples), SAS gives every impression of not supporting gay people. I've been there for years and know of nobody who is out. In fact, I don't know of anyone who is gay at all. And, I've never heard a word from the company, not even a bland statement about non-discrimination policies. I'm imagining that SAS will be thrilled to have an excuse to remove domestic partner benefits if the anti-gay legislation passes. So, the reality check from me is that it is best to be invisible as a gay person if you live or work in Cary and value acceptance among co-workers. There are exceptions, but keep in mind that they are exceptions, not the rule.

Your opinion is contrary to every other person's (including many "out" gay people) I have heard from about SAS. And, if SAS was really interested in removing domestic partner benefits, it can do so any time, whether state law dictates it or not. Clearly they find it beneficial to offer these benefits to attract talent. If they didn't find business reasons for doing so, believe me, they wouldn't offer them, any more than any company offers any benefits not required by law.

Originally Posted by architect77

There's nothing wrong with NC being a family-oriented stronghold for the country. We wouldn't want everywhere to be the same.

You are gay and you are OK with laws that ban not only marriage to the person you love but ANY kind of legal union, so that your significant other (whether same- or opposite-sex) can be barred from being allowed into your hospital room if you are in intensive care, or barred from signing other legal documents that they two of you decide to set up? That is not "family-oriented", it's "Big Brother" interference into private decisions, and not just against gay people but against many heterosexuals as well. Please define what you mean by "family-oriented stronghold" and how that is a good thing? gay families will be damaged by this amendment if it passes--a child of a same-sex couple who currently received benefits (insurance, etc) from his/her legal parent's spouse will suddenly be without them. How is this "family-oriented", and since you say you are gay, how do you call this a positive thing?

[gaytaxi]

@Francois - thanks for correcting that the census numbers are couples. The point is, all other things being equal, that the census might be considered to be an indicator of outness. And it makes sense that gay people might be more out to gay clubs than the census, too, because people tend to be suspicious of government. Nevertheless, bottom line: Cary doesn't rank too highly.

Your opinion is contrary to every other person's (including many "out" gay people) I have heard from about SAS. And, if SAS was really interested in removing domestic partner benefits, it can do so any time, whether state law dictates it or not. Clearly they find it beneficial to offer these benefits to attract talent. If they didn't find business reasons for doing so, believe me, they wouldn't offer them, any more than any company offers any benefits not required by law.

I only wish I, as a SAS employee, knew any of the "out" gay people you speak of. But, I don't. SAS doesn't have a climate supportive of being out. And, I suppose that other gay people at SAS are closeted for the very same reasons I am: fear.

SAS has NO gay pride at all. In companies I've worked for in the past, I recall regular non-discrimination notices, company event notices inviting "spouses and domestic partners" to holiday parties with graphics making it clear that "domestic partners" meant same sex couples, afterwards showcasing pictures on company websites including male-male and female-female couples having fun, internal forums for LGBT-centric activities (mostly eating! but sometimes political action stuff), and even doing employment outreach to the gay community and advertising in gay media. Other than at hiring where non-discrimination was mentioned, the company hasn't done anything positive for LGBT pride.

So, if you can me more specific and point to evidences that SAS is anything but the closeted-encouraging company that I see, or if there are any gay SAS employees out there who unafraid of being public here or in any SAS internal forums, I would love to learn that SAS is not as closeted as my experience makes me believe. Any SAS employee can create an internal forum. There are more than a thousand forums, but none of them is an LGBT forum. Maybe someone at SAS will read this and create it... I can only hope.

Please also understand that SAS is a great company to work for. It just isn't a place where gay folks can be comfortably out. Maybe no place in North Carolina is.

[Seacove]

I'm very sad that NC is taking this vote. I thought it was a little more progressive than that.