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I know it is scary but if I were you, I would probably just move. You will be happier and in a better state of mind. And, who knows who you will meet?
I have cousins as well in the adjacent state and if anything happened to me, I would not expect them to take care of me. We are not close. We do not see each other. We do not talk on the phone. We do not visit. That is just the way it is. And I am OKAY with that because I don't buy into the idea that blood = the ultimate thing in life that one should abide by. It's nonsense.
My sister has had a variety of medical issues and she was dead set on moving away from family to warmer weather. She did it. She really has no one to take care of her (or her three cats) if anything happens to her but she's always been pretty independent so it doesn't stop her in doing what she wants. She is always traveling, even by herself, out of the country.
I wouldn't call it "nonsense", since most people have family to lean on, so to speak, however, in this situation, I agree with you.
Your sister sounds very brave. I guess I will move - right now, I don't really have any burning place I want to go to - I just know this will never be home and I have grown very depressed.
I have preferences, however, my budget and job skills limit me as to where I can go.
Move away and live where you want to live. You're right that your relatives are unlikely to develop a strong enough attachment to you in the short time you've given them. Relationships take work and are a two-way street. They also take more time to develop in adulthood than those you grew up with as a kid. If the only reason you're trying to connect with them is so they'll take care of you in your old age, that's not a good enough reason.
No matter who is or isn't around to take care of you, you should start putting together a good long term care plan. Because even if you are able to develop close relationships with your family or others down the road, there's no guarantee they will take care of you in your twilight years. What you're expecting is a lot to ask. There are people who have family around them, including adult children, who still can't or won't take care of them for various reasons. Start making a plan for your 'what if" health scenarios and that will give you more peace of mind than forming tenuous relationships that may or may not pay off in the form of personal care down the road.
Move away and live where you want to live. You're right that your relatives are unlikely to develop a strong enough attachment to you in the short time you've given them. Relationships take work and are a two-way street. They also take more time to develop in adulthood than those you grew up with as a kid. If the only reason you're trying to connect with them is so they'll take care of you in your old age, that's not a good enough reason.
No matter who is or isn't around to take care of you, you should start putting together a good long term care plan. Because even if you are able to develop close relationships with your family or others down the road, there's no guarantee they will take care of you in your twilight years. What you're expecting is a lot to ask. There are people who have family around them, including adult children, who still can't or won't take care of them for various reasons. Start making a plan for your 'what if" health scenarios and that will give you more peace of mind than forming tenuous relationships that may or may not pay off in the form of personal care down the road.
You are correct, and I know I must sound terribly selfish. It's just that most people have somebody. I am completely and utterly alone, and it does scare me since I had cancer a few years ago and literally thought I might die.
However, it hasn't been a short time with them - they were never there for mom and I. Even after her stroke, they didn't come down until the funeral (they only lived four hours away). It was always us who drove up for visits. But that's not for this thread, I guess.
I don't really have a "plan". I would like to buy a small house, keep working for awhile, and keep enough in the bank to pay for home care if I need it, since an ALF would be out of the question given what they cost. If I have a stroke, I want to be a DNR.
However, it hasn't been a short time with them - they were never there for mom and I. Even after her stroke, they didn't come down until the funeral (they only lived four hours away). It was always us who drove up for visits. But that's not for this thread, I guess.
I'm sorry that circumstances were such that you were unable to become close with your family, but I think you have your answer. You should move to a place that will make you happy. Develop friendships and get involved in your new community. Those connections may be more concerned with your health and well being than the extended family in your current location. Don't hold onto some unrealistic hope that these family members may be there in your time of need when they've done nothing up to this point to give you that expectation. Don't be afraid to make a change. Youll never know what wonderful things may be in store for you.
The only question you should be asking is one you should ask yourself. "Where would i be happiest?" This also presupposes that no matter where you live, you will be reaching out and attempting to either make new friends or become closer to your relatives.
You are correct, and I know I must sound terribly selfish. It's just that most people have somebody. I am completely and utterly alone, and it does scare me since I had cancer a few years ago and literally thought I might die.
However, it hasn't been a short time with them - they were never there for mom and I. Even after her stroke, they didn't come down until the funeral (they only lived four hours away). It was always us who drove up for visits. But that's not for this thread, I guess.
I don't really have a "plan". I would like to buy a small house, keep working for awhile, and keep enough in the bank to pay for home care if I need it, since an ALF would be out of the question given what they cost. If I have a stroke, I want to be a DNR.
I'm pretty much in the same position as you. No close friends or relatives locally and I too am a cancer survivor.
There's one thing I learned many years ago: don't let fear control your life. If you stay where you are, when a time of need comes, your relatives won't help you. How is that different than moving to someplace you like and feel safe? You will probably make some friends there but if not, at least you'll be someplace you feel at home.
I think the 1st step would be for you to take vacations or long weekends to find a place that feels right.
That will also help you get over your nervousness of being different places. There's a whole world out there and a little corner of it is where you belong. It won't come to you.
Say you are over age 50, since that probably should matter. I want to move - homes in safe areas are unaffordable here, and crime is a bit high and it is a bit downtrodden.
My only family is here, and I am not that close to them, but they are all I have. My parents are deceased and I have no siblings. Just cousins, etc.
I guess I am scared since I am a single, older female who is alone. I wish I had the courage to just pack up my sh*t, pack up the cats, and go.
The only family I have is my son, and yes, I would move to be near him given that he is engaged and they plan to have kids.
I have other relatives, mind you, but moving away from them has been of major benefit to my peace of mind and well-being.
I wouldn't hesitate to move to a safer more congenial and affordable area given you are not chummy with relatives who aren't even that closely related or well-known to you. Friends matter more, and you can find some of those pretty much anywhere.
You all are amazing..thank you so much for all of these posts - and the poll results blow me away!
After reading all of these replies I feel much better about things and less dependent on the idea of staying here just because I have "people" here. I may stay for awhile, just until my lease is up - but I will not be afraid when it comes time to leave. You all have given me a lot of perspective.
I know it sounds selfish, but I worry if I get sick or injured, being all alone. At least here, I would have people. The same wouldn't really apply to them, because they have spouses, children, a huge church family, etc. They don't need me at all, but I need them.
I worry about the cancer coming back. When I had it before, my mom was still alive and we got through it together.
We sound like twins separated at birth. I also don't especially like where I am living but I too have had cancer twice (2 completely different types) and my whole family is here now including my 80 year old mother who is starting to have a few health issues. I am 61 so it's not as easy to pick up and move and "reinvent" yourself at this age. So even though Florida is not where I want to spend the rest of my life I feel there is probably where I will remain.
I've left here twice and always come back because of family.
Don't think just because people have relatives they have someone to lean on. My sister lives 45 minutes from my mother, but will not help her. (well very rarely). My mom fell, broke her arm and called my sister for help. My sister refused to come and take my mom to the hospital. So my mom called a caretaking service to drive her to the hospital. She does have fantastic neighbors who happened to be on vacation at the time. They help her tremendously.
Many, many people make due with not having anyone to help them. Go to a place where you'll be happy! Not being close to your family I doubt they would step up and help you as much as you need. Finding a great community to move into you can make your family!!
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