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I usually try to "kill with kindness". People have other things on their minds than just buying their items, finding a parking place, etc. Sometimes they just found out that someone they care about is very ill, or they themselves are. I just figure I am really not the thing that is bothering them. Life is full of sadness. If I can smile at someone even when they are being rude, maybe later they will remember it as a kindness. I also have no time to let others ruin my mood or determine what kind of day I am going to have. Why would I give them that much power over me?
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,007,791 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by smel
I usually try to "kill with kindness". People have other things on their minds than just buying their items, finding a parking place, etc. Sometimes they just found out that someone they care about is very ill, or they themselves are. I just figure I am really not the thing that is bothering them. Life is full of sadness. If I can smile at someone even when they are being rude, maybe later they will remember it as a kindness. I also have no time to let others ruin my mood or determine what kind of day I am going to have. Why would I give them that much power over me?
that is a pretty bleak, negative, destructive way to see and do life, it is also a self-fulfilling prophecy.
for if that is a belief you hold, express, and focus your valuable time, energy, and life force on, then you will continue to encounter it in your life.
you are basically creating the version of reality that you encounter. that is your choice.
on the other hand, people who hold thoughts, beliefs, and focus such as "the world is filled with people who are kind and courteous" or "i am surrounded by people who treat others with respect, dignity, and courtesy" encounter that in their world on a daily basis.
it's not "i'll believe it when i see it", it is rather "i'll see it when i believe it"
change your thinking, and your life changes. it is your choice how you use and apply that very basic, powerful universal law
There's nothing self-fulfilling in recognizing people for what they are. I didn't imagine this man to be a jerk because of any preconceptions. I kept an open mind and only formed an opinion of him AFTER he started talking. What you're advocating here is self-delusion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC
Why is it that the first thing you figure is that this is a racial event? Do you find yourself often looking for race to be a factor in your day to day life? Why would anyone want to live like that?
I'm sorry, but where did I say that? The first thing I figured is that this guy was a jerk. He could've been white and I would've come to the same conclusion. I didn't look for the racial angle here. But in attempting to understand why he was so offended by my question, I had to consider whether he thought I was implying something because of his race, which I wasn't BTW.
In life we DO have to sometimes let things slide. I just disagree that this was one of them. People who take it upon themselves to inform you of YOUR place often really need to be put in theirs.
I would still just look ahead and smile.
I think part of living healthily is to not let things phase you. And in the OP's case, should it have got violent, the guy legally and morally was in the wrong. Most people go to stores to buy food, toiletries, household goods or just to browse, not to abuse people lol. I'd pity the man and go my way, and not think of him again (but only to laugh at him my mind).
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,007,791 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
There's nothing self-fulfilling in recognizing people for what they are. I didn't imagine this man to be a jerk because of any preconceptions. I kept an open mind and only formed an opinion of him AFTER he started talking. What you're advocating here is self-delusion.
I'm sorry, but where did I say that? The first thing I figured is that this guy was a jerk. He could've been white and I would've come to the same conclusion. I didn't look for the racial angle here. But in attempting to understand why he was so offended by my question, I had to consider whether he thought I was implying something because of his race, which I wasn't BTW.
I usually try to "kill with kindness". People have other things on their minds than just buying their items, finding a parking place, etc. Sometimes they just found out that someone they care about is very ill, or they themselves are. I just figure I am really not the thing that is bothering them. Life is full of sadness. If I can smile at someone even when they are being rude, maybe later they will remember it as a kindness. I also have no time to let others ruin my mood or determine what kind of day I am going to have. Why would I give them that much power over me?
Good philosophy. I usually just mind my own business, that seems to help keep me out of confrontations. A little street smarts goes a long way. There are a lot of people out there who do not follow a script the way you'd like or expect them to react. If this guy was the type of guy to cut in line in the first place, he wouldn't give two shyts about what anyone thought. In a perfect world and a civilized society he may have chalked it up to a misunderstanding and there would be smiles and well wishes all around. Pull that good samaritan stunt in the wrong place and it can get you beaten or killed. You have to choose your battles carefully.
When I was in high school, we found out my mother didn't have long to live. I know that I was rude to people, but my mind was somewhere else. I was heartbroken, trying to care for her and my dad, and just live day to day. I lost friends because of my attitude, but my true friends saw through me and stuck it out. I will never judge someone based on their attitude, because I have not been in their place. People have many burdens to carry. Don't add more to their load.
When I was in high school, we found out my mother didn't have long to live. I know that I was rude to people, but my mind was somewhere else. I was heartbroken, trying to care for her and my dad, and just live day to day. I lost friends because of my attitude, but my true friends saw through me and stuck it out. I will never judge someone based on their attitude, because I have not been in their place. People have many burdens to carry. Don't add more to their load.
There's no excuse for treating people badly. You shouldn't take your problems out on other people.
There's nothing self-fulfilling in recognizing people for what they are. I didn't imagine this man to be a jerk because of any preconceptions. I kept an open mind and only formed an opinion of him AFTER he started talking. What you're advocating here is self-delusion.
I'm sorry, but where did I say that? The first thing I figured is that this guy was a jerk. He could've been white and I would've come to the same conclusion. I didn't look for the racial angle here. But in attempting to understand why he was so offended by my question, I had to consider whether he thought I was implying something because of his race, which I wasn't BTW.
I find it very weird that your mind goes to race as the reason someone is having a bad day. He wasn't white, he was black, and you saw fit to bring it up on the thread. Is there anything wrong with your bringing it up on the thread? Nope. But it's pretty sad that this is a part of your world view, that if a person is a different race than you, you need to question it as a part of your interaction with them. For instance, I don't do that to white people: if someone acts like a jackass to me I don't assume its because they are a racist. I assume they are a jackass. And I don't think I'm special or more evolved than most in doing so. It's normal now. Trust me.
If this guy was the type of guy to cut in line in the first place, he wouldn't give two shyts about what anyone thought. In a perfect world and a civilized society he may have chalked it up to a misunderstanding and there would be smiles and well wishes all around. Pull that good samaritan stunt in the wrong place and it can get you beaten or killed. You have to choose your battles carefully.
The guy wasn't cutting in. The woman let him in, but I didn't hear or see that part because I was looking at the line in front of me. The issue here is that he took offense at my question when all he had to say was "oh it's ok, she let me in."
Quote:
Originally Posted by smel
I will never judge someone based on their attitude, because I have not been in their place. People have many burdens to carry. Don't add more to their load.
While I agree that you can never know why a person has a bad attitude, what's also true is that you can't automatically excuse it. I may be having a bad day and take it out on the cashier who's taking too long to scan my items. But I have enough sense to know when I'm doing that and to apologize.
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