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Hopefully someone can give me some insight on the topic.
I am in a pretty new relationship with someone that has less education than I do, I personally do not mind. I am 25 and he is 22.
BUT. A couple of days ago i was given the "talk" by a friend. "Hes younger than you, he has no education.... "(and please I know that 3 years is really not much of a age difference but bear with me here....)
My problem is that even though the relationship is new, i was VERY OFFENDED by her comments which started with "oh, no I would NEVER settle for ...." and I by no means settled or have settled for him but i just thought that it was very judgemental of her part to say those things.
I am very good friends with her and let me say that because of her way of thinking she always goes for guys who treat her badly, and mopes around most of the time listening to sad songs and practically wanting to slit her wrists when MJ died. (NO OFFENSE TO THE MJ FANS OUT THERE! - JUST TO SAY THAT SHE IS A VERY VERYY EMOTIONAL PERSON)
So in other words i myself don't "settle" I see his potential and I have always thought that yea, love isn't going to pay the bills, but at the same time, money isn't everything.
How do i try and balance her comments and the way i feel about him... ?
Women normally go for guys that are either at their "same level" or higher than that so your friend's comment doesn't really surprise. She's trying to make sure you are taken care of and he's fulfilling his role as "the man/gentleman". Thank your friend for her concern and let her know that your relationship is just fine as it is, his potential, etc.
Sounds like your friend needs some help. If you like the guy, who cares what other people think, espeically about his "education". Does he treat you like you want to be treated? Answer that, and you should have your answer.
I would be careful about dating someone for their "potential". How will you feel about him if that potential never manifests? In my opinion you're much better off seeing someone who already is what you want, not someone who has the potential to be.
On the other hand, if you're honestly fine with someone that is less educated and/or makes less money than you, more power to you.
There are several ways to look at the situation. Since he is younger, his education, whether college, trade, or military, may not be finished. What are his career goals? Just because it doesn't matter to you now, it may become a big deal as you progress in your own career. Your friend was giving you advice; whether it is sound advice depends on how things work out for you. If it looks like your relationship will become serious, ask yourself a few questions: Will it matter to you if he never makes more money than you? How do you feel about being the main earner in the family, including his staying home with the kids if you have any? Will his lack of education matter to you in the long run? It probably will. Are you embarrassed about his occupation or will you be in the future? How well will he fit in with your friends or will you need to get new ones? How well do you fit in with his friends? Only you can answer those questions, but your answers will probably change in time. The age difference is not enough to matter, and I know couples where there has been a difference of 10-20 years with the woman being older and the relationships successful to the end. However, if he has no career goals for himself, I would tend to agree with your friend. Good luck in your decision.
Well, my best friend has a college degree from a great school and her fiance is a janitor who works two jobs and barely finished high school.
BUT . . . her fiance is one of the most kind, generous, hard working, caring guys you have ever met. He has severe dyslexia which caused problems in school, but he still loves to read, even if it takes him a long time to finish a book. He's a lot of fun to talk to and a great conversationalist. He loves kids (he works in a school and is the "cool" janitor the kids go to when they have problems) and treats his family and my best friend well. He has an incredible work ethic and does his job well, even if it's not a job most people would brag about and he can support the kids he and my friend plan to have one day. I couldn't be happier with the man my best friend has chosen to be her husband because he is a good man.
If your BF is a good guy who just isn't into academia, that's totally fine.
I'd be much more concerned if his lack of education is a symptom of laziness. Does he have a job? Does he work hard at that job? Is he responsible? Is he a good man? How does he treat his family? That is far more important than a college degree.
Uh, your friend doesn't trust you to make your own decisions. Did you ask her for her opinion? Then she shouldn't give you one. If you give her your opinion about her boyfriends freely, then it is understandable that she feels she can do the same to you.
My problem is that even though the relationship is new, i was VERY OFFENDED by her comments which started with "oh, no I would NEVER settle for ...." and I by no means settled or have settled for him but i just thought that it was very judgemental of her part to say those things.
How do i try and balance her comments and the way i feel about him... ?
Tell her outright that her comments offended you but for the sake of your friendship you're letting them pass. (If you do want to remain friends with her.) Tell her that you do not want to hear those comments again. You don't have to pick a fight with her, but the next time she says something, cut her off and tell her that she's out of bounds.
Tell her outright that her comments offended you but for the sake of your friendship you're letting them pass. (If you do want to remain friends with her.) Tell her that you do not want to hear those comments again. You don't have to pick a fight with her, but the next time she says something, cut her off and tell her that she's out of bounds.
And then tell her (with a smile) he didn't get the nickname "Mule" back in High School because he's a hard worker. He has other qualities and can always increase his education.
You're still getting to know him. That's what dating is for. If he's treating you well, at least paying his own way when you do things, and you enjoy being with him, keep seeing him. The age difference is certainly no big deal and time will tell if the education difference is a big deal or not.
It's hard to tell if your friend is genuinely concerned or jealous.
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