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Because we made the choices and sacrifices to get to where we are now in our lives it's not our responsibility to take care of others.
Well aren't you just a warm cup of tea. Fiber of the community you are not. I wish you and your dependents good fortune and healthy lives. God help you if you ever need anyone else to lend a hand.
Your perspective is incredibly warped. Good luck with that.
Not an issue at all. There is nothing he wouldn't do for his mother, and I don't blame him at that. My fiance and I will be just fine, thank you. Maybe you had an idyllic childhood or something, or maybe it's cultural, but that's just not how we think. We don't toss our elders aside. We are grateful to our parents. Many cultures in this world (of note, many folks in Asia) do the same. We just don't do stuff like that. You can be like that all you want, but I would never conduct myself in such a manner. That's not how I was raised and not how you are supposed to act. No one said you are not on your own as an adult, but is anyone truly on their own? I am financially and physically independant of my mother, but you always have your family. If you think you are 'on your own' in this world, think again. You have a lot of growing up to do.
There are many people who think this way but when it actually happens, it is a different story.
People don't toss their parents away if they are not living under the same roof. The OP is supposed to provide personal care for MIL AND the disabled son for life? This can be done by being an advocate, helping them get the best possible care and keeping up on their well being but it does not necessitate giving up one's life by being an inhouse caregiver. Very few people can do this and those that do burn out really fast, there is fighting and resentment, and families are torn apart.
It is not an issue at all. There is nothing he wouldn't do for his mother, and I don't blame him at that. My fiance and I will be just fine, thank you. Maybe you had an idyllic childhood or something, or maybe it's cultural, but that's just not how we think. We don't toss our elders aside. We are grateful to our parents. Many cultures in this world (of note, many folks in Asia) do the same. We just don't do stuff like that. You can be like that all you want, but I would never conduct myself in such a manner. That's not how I was raised and not how you are supposed to act. No one said you are not on your own as an adult, but is anyone truly on their own? I am financially and physically independant of my mother, but you always have your family. No one said anything about 'blaming' anyone else for their victories or what have you. If you think you are 'on your own' in this world, think again. Everyone has/should have some form of a support system--whether you realize it or not. You have a lot of growing up to do.
What's the point in being married exactly if you are not making your spouse 1st? That's all I'm asking as I'm curious and want to understand your perspective. As I said before, I have an issue w/ the assumption that we're their life raft better yet an insurance policy and it not being a matter of discussion to them, meaning my MIL. It's a discussion in our house.
To answer your question on being on your own. Suppose it really depends on how you look at things. Once I left the nest, I never looked back. So that's my reality. Yours is different, it doesn't make you or I right or wrong over the other. This is a dog eat world and if you don't think so, you're kidding yourself. Does it make it right? I deal in reality, whether it's right or wrong is an entirely different discussion altogether. This isn't utopia. You are right in one regard to a support system. I believe in it but it has limits. The old saying if you want something done right, do it yourself comes to mind. I rely on me because if I don't, how will it get done? It's not for others to do for me. You make a way out of no way.
I've been all over the world and then some and have been immersed/lived in many cultures so that's all a matter of perspective. So I'm keenly aware of different lifestyles etc. When you come from nothing and manage to make something of it, you don't take it for granted and you never forget that you CAN ALWAYS go back from which you came.
There are many people who think this way but when it actually happens, it is a different story.
People don't toss their parents away if they are not living under the same roof. The OP is supposed to provide personal care for MIL AND the disabled son for life? This can be done by being an advocate, helping them get the best possible care and keeping up on their well being but it does not necessitate giving up one's life by being an inhouse caregiver. Very few people can do this and those that do burn out really fast, there is fighting and resentment, and families are torn apart.
Been there done that. Had an elderly grandma with dementia that helped take care of. I know of what I am talking about.
Well aren't you just a warm cup of tea. Fiber of the community you are not. I wish you and your dependents good fortune and healthy lives. God help you if you ever need anyone else to lend a hand.
Your perspective is incredibly warped. Good luck with that.
Well yes I am. LOL! All kidding aside, I am not all that. I have my faults as well but I work on them. You don't think I've ever needed help in my lifetime as an adult being in my mid 40's? Please. I did but I never sought the help but instead tied up the boots and did it alone since I put myself there to begin with. Alot more gratifying in the end...for me.
This is why I love CD, everyone has their point of view and will share w/ the rest of the world it. It's good to have this kind of dialogue. Right, wrong or indifferent.
What's the point in being married exactly if you are not making your spouse 1st? That's all I'm asking as I'm curious and want to understand your perspective? As I said before, I have an issue w/ the assumption that we're their life raft better yet an insurance policy and it not being a matter of discussion to them, meaning my MIL. It's a discussion in our house.
To answer your question on being on your own. Suppose it really depends on how you look at things. Once I left the nest, I never looked back. So that's my reality. Yours is different, it doesn't make you or I right or wrong over the other. This is a dog eat world and if you don't think so, you're kidding yourself. Does it make it right? I deal in reality, whether it's right or wrong is an entirely different discussion altogether. This isn't utopia. You are right in one regard to a support system. I believe in it but it has limits. The old saying if you want something done right, do it yourself comes to mind. I rely on me because if I don't, how will it get done? It's not for others to do for me. You make a way out of know way.
I've been all over the world and then some and have been immersed/lived in many cultures so that's all a matter of perspective. So I'm keenly aware of different lifestyles etc. When you come from nothing and manage to make something of it, you don't take it for granted and you never forget that you CAN ALWAYS go back from which you came.
I would say paying for my own masters and bachelors and doing it all before 30 at this point, with limited financial assistance from my mother/family (she helped with rent once or twice) and coming from a single parent family, I would say I have made something for myself.
Been there done that. Had an elderly grandma with dementia that helped take care of. I know of what I am talking about.
Helping out with grandma for a bit isn't the same as being a primary caregiver for an elderly parent, with all the legal responsibilities, and a disabled adult man.
Each situation is different, so it is unfair to judge. A man I know insisted he would care for his wife with Alzheimers. He was totally committed. It lasted six months and she had to be placed. She was/is his life but it was physically impossible.
Helping out with grandma for a bit isn't the same as being a primary caregiver for an elderly parent, with all the legal responsibilities, and a disabled adult man.
Each situation is different, so it is unfair to judge. A man I know insisted he would care for his wife with Alzheimers. He was totally committed. It lasted six months and she had to be placed. She was/is his life but it was physically impossible.
I didn't help out with grandma "for a bit" I was living with her for this purpose and switching off caregiving duties with my mother. We had power of attorney before she died recently in a care facility(she ended up needing round the clock care we just couldn't give). My part included changing her diapers and everything. Please don't assume.
I didn't help out with grandma "for a bit" I was living with her for this purpose and switching off caregiving duties with my mother. We had power of attorney before she died recently in a care facility(she ended up needing round the clock care we just couldn't give). My part included changing her diapers and everything. Please don't assume.
I'm not sure how long you were caregivng but with long term illness and disability it can go on for years, until one admits, as you did, it is time for a facility. You know that some people simply cannot handle caregiving and they should not be condemned for it.
It has taken a toll on me and many people I know. I would never judge another on choosing not to do this, especially knowing it can be very long term and that it can destroy health and families.
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