Comfortably Numb In Marriage (ladies, therapist, relations, wife)
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You can love someone, but still be extremely incompatible.
I know a couple who are complete opposites. In the beginning, it helped to attract them, but it now works to repel (her at least). You see, he is overly passive fella; to the point that would drive even the most normal person insane! The man does not have friends outside of the marriage, and has made this woman his whole world. He does not make an effort, nor does he feel the need to to bond with any other males. He has also heaped the majority of the child-rearing responsibility on her. And, he is very dependent on her for just about everything except, of course, a paycheck.
She stays for their children, love, security, and fear. You can tell that he is blissfully happy and she is just hanging in there...
I've seen a few guys just turn into complete messes once they got divorced. They couldn't cook, clean, pay their bills, etc. because they were so used to their wives doing that stuff. Being with the wrong person can be pretty awful. But for some people, that still beats being alone.
I've always been amazed and how many men will get a divorce and 60 days later marry the 1st woman who comes into their lives. They never establish themselves as an I before they become a We.
All of this "leaving stuff" is getting to me...Guess I'm more into trying to work things out today versus leaving and walking out...I did this when I was younger...I just felt entitled to walk out...I'm sure glad that I stuck it out thru thick and thin with my last husband...We had 25 plus years together before he passed away. I'm glad that I didn't get into the "grass might be greener on the other side" mentality this time around and worked hard to make my marriage happy thru the years despite problems that popped up at times....I don't think people should stay in unhappy marriages and suffer and suffer....But the truth is that marriage requires a lot of work and effort...Spouses have to find a way to stay connected and stay friends...and stay in love no matter what....
It's my husband who is gone now. He passed away 3 weeks ago....but our love for each other lives on in my heart and mind....I'm glad we didn't settle for a blah life and marriage.
I have no words for your loss better than I'm sorry.
But for your wisdom, I have two words:
Thank you.
I have anything but a blah relationship with my SO. So much so that I'm convinced we would have anything but a blah marriage together if we should marry down the road apiece.
You had something an awful lot of us would envy and an awful lot of other people would never understand. And so long as you hold that in your heart, your husband will never be far away from you.
My wife and I recently saw a counselor recently over an Elephant in the room issue we were having trouble discussing and make go away. One of the questions she asked is...
"Are you putting enough into the marriage to maintain the bare minimum or too have the relationship grow and thrive ?"
Upon reflection, we found recently we were putting in just enough effort to just maintain the bare minimum. After this was pointed out, we've been working hard at it making it grow and thrive.
We were comfortably numb, complacent and distracted.
I think marriage proposals to other women on this forum aren't going to help much.
All joking aside, what did they tell you to do to work hard to make it grow and thrive?
In my marriage I have tried to get her to fix the foundation part before we start building.
My thoughts are that nothing will ever stand on a rocky foundation. However, she feels there is nothing wrong with her end of the foundation. So we sit.
She is constantly wanting to build something. I just can't. First things first.
Am not expecting a perfectly level relationship. Just one I know I can see still standing years later without a small wind blowing it over.
Medication can fix her problems...I'm sure of it.
I think alot of people stay in it for the kids like me.
When he's old enough to leave the home we will finally bury the crooked foundation that was started years ago.
Comfortably numb has a place---in the Pink Floyd song of the same name.
Not in love and marriage.
How bout just "NUMB"
Love that song.
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