Ladies, would you date a guy with Asperger's Syndrome? (sociopaths, women, love)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm 31 now, and I'm tired of watching life pass me by. Peer pressure doesn't just end when we graduate high school, nonetheless. I haven't been in a steady relationship for six years and counting now. All the other women I've seen during that time frame were just using me as a rebound guy, and none of them were serious. I surmise they lost interest after I disclosed to them I have Asperger's. I always hear women say they want nice clean-cut guys that treat them with respect. However, they go after the exact opposite everywhere I look. They always go after the bad boys that treat them like dirt. They want the rugged guys with tattoos that drive muscle cars. They seem to think I either have the mind of a child or that I'm too weak to survive. I've managed six years on my own. I also served time in the military in very harsh environments, so I'm more capable than people realize. Few are able to see that, though. One woman was even so bold as to tell me she was afraid I might bite her face off. Would you date a guy with Asperger's who was intelligent and sweet? Or would you rather spend half your energy trying to turn bad boys into princes hoping they won't smash your heart into pieces? It's an honest question.
I'm 31 now, and I'm tired of watching life pass me by. Peer pressure doesn't just end when we graduate high school, nonetheless. I haven't been in a steady relationship for six years and counting now. All the other women I've seen during that time frame were just using me as a rebound guy, and none of them were serious. I surmise they lost interest after I disclosed to them I have Asperger's. I always hear women say they want nice clean-cut guys that treat them with respect. However, they go after the exact opposite everywhere I look. They always go after the bad boys that treat them like dirt. They want the rugged guys with tattoos that drive muscle cars. They seem to think I either have the mind of a child or that I'm too weak to survive. I've managed six years on my own. I also served time in the military in very harsh environments, so I'm more capable than people realize. Few are able to see that, though. One woman was even so bold as to tell me she was afraid I might bite her face off. Would you date a guy with Asperger's who was intelligent and sweet? Or would you rather spend half your energy trying to turn bad boys into princes hoping they won't smash your heart into pieces? It's an honest question.
If your Asperger's does not have a direct impact on your ability to have a healthy relationship (i.e. behaviors, rigidity, inability to listen to things outside your interest, etc.) then your Asperger's has nothing to do with your state of "singleness".
OTOH, if you are aware that you do have behaviors as a result of your Asperger's, that impact your relationships, then work on those. Labels are meaningless, it's actual interpersonal skills and personality that matter.
Last edited by robee70; 07-23-2010 at 05:13 PM..
Reason: changed the bolded
If your Asperger's has a direct impact on your ability to have a healthy relationship (i.e. behaviors, rigidity, inability to listen to things outside your interest, etc.) then your Asperger's has nothing to do with your state of "singleness".
OTOH, if you are aware that you do have behaviors as a result of your Asperger's, that impact your relationships, then work on those. Labels are meaningless, it's actual interpersonal skills and personality that matter.
It does have a direct impact on my interpersonal skills. Don't you know it's part of the autism spectrum? I didn't ask you you your opinion on labels and whether or not they have any intrinsic value. I'm asking whether or not they'd be willing to take the time to actually understand my disposition or if they'd just take me at face value. Often I feel I might as well tell them I'm HIV-positive when I disclose to them my circumstance.
It does have a direct impact on my interpersonal skills. Don't you know it's part of the autism spectrum? I didn't ask you you your opinion on labels and whether or not they have any intrinsic value. I'm asking whether or not they'd be willing to take the time to actually understand my disposition or if they'd just take me at face value. Often I feel I might as well tell them I'm HIV-positive when I disclose to them my circumstance.
Sorry, I corrected my post (it was misworded).
Anyway, to clarify, why do you feel the need to attach a label to yourself upon meeting a girl? (It's off-putting, regardless of the label IMO).
I have a son with Asperger's, so I do understand. It's the behaviors themselves that are usually the cause of unsuccessful relationships. Work on those.
Sorry, I corrected my post (it was misworded).
Anyway, to clarify, why do you feel the need to attach a label to yourself upon meeting a girl. (It's off-putting, regardless of the label IMO).
I have a son with Asperger's, so I do understand. It's the behaviors themselves that are usually the cause of unsuccessful relationships. Work on those.
Fair enough! Sorry if I seemed a little blunt. I presume you're quite knowledgeable about the disorder if your son has it. I don't tell people I have it right away, but sooner or later I will so there will be common ground. As far as offputting behavior, I never could figure out why so many women love bad boys that treat them like dirt and fool around on them when most bad boys only care about themselves. I tell people all the time I'm a coconut meaning I'm hard, rough, and rigid on the outside. My older brother is the exact opposite in that he's a peach. He's one smooth operator and he loves schmoozing people with his outlandish lifestyle and charming personality. Once you get to know him and see past his superficial facade, it's not hard to figure out he's really a slimy bastard underneath.
It totally depends on the person in question. I have a teenaged son with Asperger's, and it's extremely taxing. However, I also work with kids through adults on the spectrum (HF) and am aware that there are many variations.
That said, it's a loaded question. You've made too many assumptions about women for me to answer, honestly. There ARE more than the two choices you've put out there: "sweet man with Asperger's" vs. "bad boy who will crush your heart".
The coconut shell scratches a lot. The issue I've had with Aspies is that it's all me doing the giving and understanding. When I need some of that (which everyone does) it is absent because the Aspie cannot empathize with my situation. It's different when it is a child, obviously, but in a romantic relationship people need understanding.
I would not date a person with Aspergers because I require a high level of sensitivity, empathy and perceptive communication from a partner. I also would not date a stereotypical "bad boy" for the same reasons.
The coconut shell scratches a lot. The issue I've had with Aspies is that it's all me doing the giving and understanding. When I need some of that (which everyone does) it is absent because the Aspie cannot empathize with my situation. It's different when it is a child, obviously, but in a romantic relationship people need understanding.
I would not date a person with Aspergers because I require a high level of sensitivity, empathy and perceptive communication from a partner. I also would not date a stereotypical "bad boy" for the same reasons.
That's alright. I'm not offended because at least you're honest. A lot of women wouldn't date a guy with A.S. because they wouldn't know what to expect. However, the stereotype that we're unable to empathize is totally unfounded.
Three months ago, some woman went hysterical after she tripped over the curb and accidentally smacked her baby's head on the sidewalk. After I heard her screaming her lungs out, I immediately ran across the street, dialed 911 on my cellphone, and offered some assistance. All the other people around, whom I assume were neurotypicals, never lifted a finger to help. All they did was sit there and watch.
The common stereotype about us is that we're emotionless automatons with no ability to feel remorse, pity, or sympathy. Plus, people think we have the minds of children and we're always needing attention. I'm not looking for a concierge if that's what you're insinuating, but I would like to have a serious relationship.
It totally depends on the person in question. I have a teenaged son with Asperger's, and it's extremely taxing. However, I also work with kids through adults on the spectrum (HF) and am aware that there are many variations.
That said, it's a loaded question. You've made too many assumptions about women for me to answer, honestly. There ARE more than the two choices you've put out there: "sweet man with Asperger's" vs. "bad boy who will crush your heart".
Well to me the answer would seem the obvious because we're known to have integrity. However, that could be my bias towards the person with Asperger's, but I always find it odd how I see so many sociopaths have women throwing themselves at their feet.
I knew of a guy who was a convicted rapist with enough tattoos to form a mural. He wasn't confident as much as he was insecure. I may have AS, but I'm not stupid. He knew I could see through him as he was always hiding something. Yet, he was great at manipulating these women into thinking he was only misunderstood and they fell for it. They didn't know what a scumbag he really was until it was too late.
Well to me the answer would seem the obvious because we're known to have integrity. However, that could be my bias towards the person with Asperger's, but I always find it odd how I see so many sociopaths have women throwing themselves at their feet.
I knew of a guy who was a convicted rapist with enough tattoos to form a mural. He wasn't confident as much as he was insecure. I may have AS, but I'm not stupid. He knew I could see through him as he was always hiding something. Yet, he was great at manipulating these women into thinking he was only misunderstood and they fell for it. They didn't know what a scumbag he really was until it was too late.
I think you'd be better served not falling into the trap of analyzing what "women" do or don't want or like. If you're stuck on that, rather than on bettering yourself (with awareness comes the ability to self-correct) than you will never have a relationship.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
