Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My Aunt had her Husband leave her when she was 49 years old, she was just as shocked as you are. She was an emotional wreck at first. Now, 13 years later, she is one of the happiest people I know, and she was that way maybe 2 years after the initial shock of the divorce. She never really dated again to my knowledge, but she travels, and really cherishes her family. My point is, before the dust had settled from her divorce we were all really worried about her, and if she would recover. Not only did she recover, but she thrived. I'm sure you can do the same
She sounds horrid to me. That much debt...come on! And men really need one thing,....not love, not sex...respect. Women don't get this. They should jsut fake that instead of faking orgasms. Marriages would last a lot longer.
Just be aware H, she may be setting you up (consciously or unconsciously) to be the bad guy with your kids so that she won't lose them (a relationship with them) when she moves on to her bohemian lifestyle. (it's a self-centered survival kind of thing)
You need to be as upfront with them as is appropriate about her choices and how much you disagree with them. Do not let her use them against you, even when she's not doing it on purpose.
Thanks for the warning. I don't know if it is a conscious decision or not but I do see signs of that already developing. I think right now she's living in the moment, refusing to think too far ahead much like she did when running of tens of thousands of dollars of credit card debt. I'm curious though about what you mean when you say "self-centered survival thing"?
She's always had a need to be the "good guy" or innocent party. She doesn't like to acknowledge mistakes or take responsibility for her part in a problem. But most of all she loves having a tough decision taken out of her hands. "Oh I had no choice because of XYZ". This is where I think she's headed with the kids. "Daddy was the one who wanted a divorce, not me. I would never ever do that."
I'm taking my son to visit my cousins in Houston over Labor Day. She is very unhappy about this and is trying to do everything she covertly can to stop it. I absolutely do not want to get my kids involved in this, but like the inevitable divorce coming up, I think she's going to do what she wants to do. She's in a "selfish phase", so she just doesn't give a damn about anyone else right now.
My Aunt had her Husband leave her when she was 49 years old, she was just as shocked as you are. She was an emotional wreck at first. Now, 13 years later, she is one of the happiest people I know, and she was that way maybe 2 years after the initial shock of the divorce. She never really dated again to my knowledge, but she travels, and really cherishes her family. My point is, before the dust had settled from her divorce we were all really worried about her, and if she would recover. Not only did she recover, but she thrived. I'm sure you can do the same
Thanks. I need to hear this. Right now, I just can't imagine.
My Aunt had her Husband leave her when she was 49 years old, she was just as shocked as you are. She was an emotional wreck at first. Now, 13 years later, she is one of the happiest people I know, and she was that way maybe 2 years after the initial shock of the divorce. She never really dated again to my knowledge, but she travels, and really cherishes her family. My point is, before the dust had settled from her divorce we were all really worried about her, and if she would recover. Not only did she recover, but she thrived. I'm sure you can do the same
And that's what I was getting at earlier. She'll be worse off due to her being older as womens' options drop off precipitiously as they age (just not as many men around since they die younger), but the OP will have more than a good chance of finding someone new, plus women who are much younger.
I am very sorry to read of this, this is one of the most heartbreaking threads I've read in a long time...
please know my thoughts and prayers are with you...
it's going to take a long time....please don't date anyone...but get involved in working out or something to relieve the anxiety/stress...you'll have to really push yourself to do so, but do it, for you....
also, please know, you never really know someone until you go thru a divorce, so, please be ready for an unfriendly awakening...
take time to self examine, take weekend getaways, to a place you've always wanted to go...there you may find answers...for yourself...not her...but you must learn to love you again....
I went thru this...oh my did I love that man...and it's very painful...you loose confidence...it breaks your spirit....what it comes down to is...no one did anything wrong, you were just not compatible mentally perhaps....or...sometimes people change....however, there is no real blame here, except her running up the charges...to me, that is an infidelity to a spouce and inexcusable....
big hugs and keep coming back, to vent, to ask questions, to just read over some of the responses, but give yourself time....much time....
Yes I'm in Dallas and I'm 48. Not bad looking, losing weight on the divorce diet helps. I am working out again, I used to be in great shape before the depression hit. Today's a day I'm determined not to think too far ahead. When I do that, that's when I get overwhelmed. .
Hep, like you I'm in Dallas also with a long term marriage. It's not easy hitting the 25 year mark and I've wondered if we truly are meant to be together 35-60 years like our grandparents. All living things have a life cycle and maybe relationships are the same.
Women are simply complex. After all these years you think you've got them figured out but we mature guys know that's only about 70% of the time. About the time you think you understand them they show a new side. Not much I can offer but at 48 or older I've always known I'm only getting married 1 time. I used to think at our age I'd let them live with me but I've since figured out I want a nice quiet home, free of drama where I can retreat when needed.
Being in DFW, out of over 6.5 million people there are probably 500k women who would love to hook up with you. Be selective and enjoy your future independence.
I good man is hard to find. (Or is that a hard man is good to find ?)
BTW, did not read the whole thread but if you need the name of a good counselor to help you through this let me know. I would not hesitate seeking professional help.
I am very sorry to read of this, this is one of the most heartbreaking threads I've read in a long time...
please know my thoughts and prayers are with you...
it's going to take a long time....please don't date anyone...but get involved in working out or something to relieve the anxiety/stress...you'll have to really push yourself to do so, but do it, for you....
also, please know, you never really know someone until you go thru a divorce, so, please be ready for an unfriendly awakening...
take time to self examine, take weekend getaways, to a place you've always wanted to go...there you may find answers...for yourself...not her...but you must learn to love you again....
I went thru this...oh my did I love that man...and it's very painful...you loose confidence...it breaks your spirit....what it comes down to is...no one did anything wrong, you were just not compatible mentally perhaps....or...sometimes people change....however, there is no real blame here, except her running up the charges...to me, that is an infidelity to a spouce and inexcusable....
big hugs and keep coming back, to vent, to ask questions, to just read over some of the responses, but give yourself time....much time....
creme
Thank you for your kind words. Please know how much it means to me. And yeah, I still love that woman. I don't know why, maybe I'm stuck back in 1985 and my head knows the 2010 wife isn't the same, god knows my head knows that. But still ...
I feel things very deeply. Which has its strong and weak points. I fell in love as deeply as I was able and, after a few years, I trusted just as deeply even though it was the hardest thing for me to do. I don't have anything to do with the birth parents, I even changed my name legally. But this woman really had me. Taking her out of me is pain beyond anything I've ever felt. I had no idea, truly that divorce could hurt this bad.
I'm a flawed man like any other, but I'm a good guy and I would do (and have done) anything for my children. Their birth was very symbolic to me, a way to break away from the dysfunction, abusive birth parents.
And now none of that matters. I'm boring, I'm old news and I "chain" her down with suburban life. And years from now when I try to put a label on this marriage, and why it failed, all I can think of is the old movie line -- "Her friends all told her she was too good for me. Finally one day she agreed and left."
Thanks R. I appreciate it. I know an excellent psychiatrist who got my son through major depression after his grandfather's suicide.
About 14 years ago I lost a career I had worked hard to build, due to some partners and very close friends who basically screwed several of us. It was devastating since I loved what I did and had a huge stake in the companies.
At the time I was a total loss, completely numb and in a fog. I was able to evolve into a new career where today I make 50% more money and actually enjoy it more than the old career. I'm a whole lot more satisfied where I'm at today and would not be here if the tragedy in my life had not occured.
So when it seems like your at the absolute lowest point in your life, it's really just a new door opening that will make you happier and more fulfilled. I'd bet in 5 years you'll look back and be grateful for where you're at in your life. It will be better then you've ever had in the last 25 years.
The semi-amusing, semi-sad part is looking at the other person that did this to you and seeing how big of a mess they created and how screwed up their life has become.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
