Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now, and 2 months in, he flat out told me "your belly is big". I was angry at him for weeks and he finally apologized.
Recently he told me that he isnt attracted to my body, but he has to love to becasue he loved me. Ive been srtuggling with my weight since i was little, and before i met him i had lost 55lbs. so hearing him that that ripped my heart out. He tells me he looks at other girls bodies and forms opinions of whether he likes them or not. i hate this and i asked him to stop looking at other girls, but he said he couldnt that its natural. I dont like that he doesnt like my body, he said "its good enough"...he doesnt think thats hurtful at all.
the other day some russsian girl added him (hes russian) and he says he used to know her when he was little and back in russia. hes 22, he knew her when he was 10...i dont want him talking to her. she posted half naked pitctures on his wall and struck up a conversation with him. from the looks of it, she isnt trying to reconnect with him, other than showing off her body..he said it was ok that she was because "shes a model, she gets paid to look hot". i just dont want him to be tempted or think of me any less than he already does or even fantasize about her. he thinks im trying to control him because he admitted to my face "she is hot, and she had a ****ing hot body"..... i dont want him being tempted by her. i dont want him talking to her, he doesnt have to there is no reason for him to. so i told him either choose to continue to work things out with me, or continue to talk to her.
is that so wrong? do i stay with him even though he looks at other girls bodies? do i stay with someone who isnt attacted to mine?
PLEASE if you have any questions that need to be answer for better advice, let me know. Thanks
First of all, work on your insecurities.
Secondly, someone who makes you even more insecure and even deepens the issues within you should not be in your life.
It may be hard for you to hear, but I'm sure he wants to bang that chick and others.
All men look at other women, it all depends how much they lust after them and if his behavior makes you feel sad and uncomfortable, than there is a reason for it.
What did he say when you gave him that ultimatum? I'm not a fan of ultimatums by the way, kind of a desperate move.
Men look at other women, whether or not they're with someone who is fat or rocks a hot body. It's just how guys are, and it's no big deal if they look as long as they don't touch (unless it's your arrangement to allow extracurricular activities).
That said, he's obviously not for you. He could be honest without being hurtful. You may very well be fat, but that's not the main issue. The main issue is that you don't like yourself, so how can anyone else like you, including him?
Break up with him, learn what you like about yourself, change the things you don't like about yourself, and then find a new man that loves you as much as you love yourself.
Even if a guy is checking out other women doesn't mean he has to be in her face about it, talking about it, etc. That's disrespectful.
I was so secure in myself, before he mentioned i was fat. All of my friends told me they would have never guess i had self esteem issues. But he broke down everything i built up over my years of struggling. When someone you loved calls you fat...it crushes all the progress.i told him i wanted to find a man who loved my body all in itself, and he said thats going to be hard.
He keeps repeating that he loves me, and my body included. But not my body detached from me.
Wayyy before all of this happened.i used to asked him to make me feel more wanted. he would never touch me in puclic. tell me im hot, or not even my body. during sex, he closes his eyes(he said its normal). he just never made my body feel like i wanted..like he wanted it. he said he would work on it... hes very quick in bed though.
I was so secure in myself, before he mentioned i was fat. All of my friends told me they would have never guess i had self esteem issues. But he broke down everything i built up over my years of struggling. When someone you loved calls you fat...it crushes all the progress.i told him i wanted to find a man who loved my body all in itself, and he said thats going to be hard.
He keeps repeating that he loves me, and my body included. But not my body detached from me.
Women are so mean to each other. When they hear that a guy says something mean to a girl they instantly turn on the girl and tell her to get some self esteem. I know that this is such a fragile issue for women, especially women who used to be really overweight or who have struggled with their weight. I used to be really overweight and for a long time I was worried that the only reason that my husband loved me was because I lost the weight and that if I ever gained it, I would lose him. I realized that I was wrong in that and that his love for me is about so much more than my body. You shouldn't have to feel this insecurity about the person who is supposed to love you the most. Have you opened up to him about how you feel about this issue? Maybe he doesn't realize how disrespectful he is being and what a sensitive issue this is. If you talk to him and he isn't extremely ashamed and falling all over himself to tell you how beautiful and special you are, then you deserve better and should let him go.
I was so secure in myself, before he mentioned i was fat. All of my friends told me they would have never guess i had self esteem issues. But he broke down everything i built up over my years of struggling. When someone you loved calls you fat...it crushes all the progress.i told him i wanted to find a man who loved my body all in itself, and he said thats going to be hard.
He keeps repeating that he loves me, and my body included. But not my body detached from me.
Wayyy before all of this happened.i used to asked him to make me feel more wanted. he would never touch me in puclic. tell me im hot, or not even my body. during sex, he closes his eyes(he said its normal). he just never made my body feel like i wanted..like he wanted it. he said he would work on it... hes very quick in bed though.
Thanks. its just really hard, because he is a great guy. he says hes being honest about my body, and any other guy would just be lying to me.
So let me get this straight. He ridicules you, criticizes tells you he doesn't find you attractive and flirts with other women? If he's a great guy I don't want to know your defintion of a bad guy. I think you have no self-esteem and that is why you are sticking with him. You don't think you can get anyone else. Please be honest with yourself. Do you want to spend the rest of your life trying to change yourself for him. Or do you want to be with a man who accepts you as you are?
Last edited by KylieEve; 08-20-2010 at 06:59 PM..
Reason: .
I was so secure in myself, before he mentioned i was fat. All of my friends told me they would have never guess i had self esteem issues. But he broke down everything i built up over my years of struggling. When someone you loved calls you fat...it crushes all the progress.i told him i wanted to find a man who loved my body all in itself, and he said thats going to be hard.
He keeps repeating that he loves me, and my body included. But not my body detached from me.
Wayyy before all of this happened.i used to asked him to make me feel more wanted. he would never touch me in puclic. tell me im hot, or not even my body. during sex, he closes his eyes(he said its normal). he just never made my body feel like i wanted..like he wanted it. he said he would work on it... hes very quick in bed though.
No that's not normal. He closes his eyes becasue he is imagining that he is with another woman. Have some self respect and stop allowing this loser to treat you like a piece of crap.
If I weighed 300 lbs my husband would tell me I was beautiful. Now...he might be fibbing a bit, but he would never hurt my feelings like that. He would also down play anything he might think about someone else to again save my feelings. It does seem like you might have some work to do on yourself and I don't mean your weight. I mean your self esteem!!!!! I also agree that you cant tell your boyfriend not to look at other women. Are you hanging onto him because you don't think anyone else will care about you???? I wish you the best!! Being happy or miserable is the rest of your life....you decide.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
