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the other one, five minutes into the first phone conversation told me his exwife is asking him questions about sex and she is asking him to help her hookup with men.
I was like
Those sound like good reasons to bail.
Like was pointed out, two years isn't much time at all. There's no reason to jump out of the pot in into the fire.
are there any really minor reasons you might have dropped a dood in the past?
not really, I know what I want and I tell people (kind of bluntly) how I feel.
Like I don't want a man who sleeps around, who is not kind, or is not employed
My friend tells me all men are like that, all men have women on the side (they might but then why would I want to date a man like that), that as a woman you just have to deal with it.
I just don't think the same way. I guess we are different in that way. She has a son and she says like if her son is unfaithful to his wife it does not really matter because he is a man, and men have needs , stuff like that.
I really had to turn a deaf ear to most of the dating advice I was being given from well-meaning friends.
Because they settled, they'll tell you that waiting for Mr. Right is a romantic fantasy. Because their man is addicted to porn, they believe all men are addicted to porn. Because their man cheated, all men are cheaters. Because their man is self-centered, all men are self-centered. Etc., etc.
They'll tell you how unreasonable you are being, and that you've set your standards too high, or that you're living in the 1950s. "Welcome to Dating 2010" they'll cry.
Don't believe it. Before you take advice from your friends, look closely at their relationships and ask yourself if you want your relationship to model theirs.
I really had to turn a deaf ear to most of the dating advice I was being given from well-meaning friends.
Because they settled, they'll tell you that waiting for Mr. Right is a romantic fantasy. Because their man looks at porn every day, they believe all men look at porn every day. Because their man cheated, all men are cheaters. Etc., etc.
If your friends believe that casual sex is healthy and empowering, then she is going to feel judged by you if you tell her that you intend to wait until commitment before sex. They'll tell you how unreasonable they think you are being, and that you've set your standards too high, or that you living in the 1950s and that world doesn't exist anymore.
Before you take advice from your friends, look closely at their relationships and ask yourself if you want your relationship to model theirs.
you are right. Most of my friends are miserable in their relationship.
I know all men are not cheaters. My exhusband was not a cheater. ... Your words are full of wisdom. Thanks so much
Well, i don't know about that. #2 was distasteful and i'll give her that credit. #1 was extremely vague.
To carol,
Most importantly i noticed that both examples were extremely early in the process of meeting someone. When i noticed that you mentioned that your not willing to invest i can't help but feel like your just not letting anybody in.
given your history of long periods of time being single i might speculate that you find the game of meeting someone distasteful and simply opt out of playing it. Is this a possibility?
the first guy I tried to have a relationship with him. I swear. But he would disappear for long periods of time and then come back, or just don't answer his cellphones, and there always excuses. I got tired.
I am trying, I swear. But I just don't want to fail again. So I am being super careful now.
the first guy I tried to have a relationship with him. I swear. But he would disappear for long periods of time and then come back, or just don't answer his cellphones, and there always excuses. I got tired.
I am trying, I swear. But I just don't want to fail again. So I am being super careful now.
I don't know how old you are, or what type of access you have to the opposite sex. But innocent flirting is a good way to counterbalance the negatives with some positive confidence building interaction.
I would define flirting as a game where you attempt to receive more attention that you get without expressing an interest in someone. You lose the game if you become interested but only if you make a move.
I hate to put myself out on a limb here and subject myself to possible criticise but here goes...
some examples,
If i notice a girl likes to look at me, or part of me (like my butt). I'll give her those opportunities by allowing her to look without getting caught. If i think she likes my smile, i'll give her that smile and read her response. If she does something weird with her hair it's game on and i'm going to act like i dont notice and try to one up her.
I try not to flirt by touching because i feel like i'm being exposed and therefore losing. however, i will give the opportunity to allow her to touch me. It can be as simple as asking somebody if they want help.
If you learn to flirt innocently it can be a lot of fun, and a major confidence building tool. Who knows, maybe if you win by someone great caving in and asking you out it may lead to a relationship that already has a foundation.
not really, I know what I want and I tell people (kind of bluntly) how I feel.
Like I don't want a man who sleeps around, who is not kind, or is not employed
My friend tells me all men are like that, all men have women on the side (they might but then why would I want to date a man like that), that as a woman you just have to deal with it.
I just don't think the same way. I guess we are different in that way. She has a son and she says like if her son is unfaithful to his wife it does not really matter because he is a man, and men have needs , stuff like that.
Don't listen to your friend, and her son probably will cheat. His own mother has basically raised him to believe that it is ok to fulfill his needs at the expense of his marriage. If I truly believed that all men cheated and were as selfish as your friend seems to believe, I would never get married. Who needs someone who is going to hurt you? All men do not cheat, and you should wait until you find someone who is just right for you. Single is better than married to the wrong man.
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