Married to an immigrant (wife, Asians, women, lover)

[tao]

Marrying someone to help them stay in the country is illegal. You broke the law and now you're realizing you made a mistake. Good luck to both you and your husband in resolving your situation but I won't pity you because there are no victims in this. You enabled this whole thing by making an unwise choice. To say "he manipulated me" is avoiding your own responsibility in it.

[alexander59]

Run do not walk to immigration, keep him away from your daughter , get him out of the house ASAP or you leave. I am not going to go into detail but before you married him you should have studied his culture.
African cultures vary by country but a lot still believe in female mutilation on young girls, so do a lot of traditional Muslims.
You can bet he did not marry you because he cared about you. You are nothing to him.
You may be able to get an annulment.

[floridadreamer]

Originally Posted by elle_marie

Hi CJ...The other thing to look into is if he is agreeable to split... and stays in the country... are you responsible for his finances? In Canada... you would be held accountable for him for three years regardless of the split.

If she has already filed for sponsorship paperwork, then she would be in the US as well, however if she reports him to immigration as a fraud she may not.

You really should have considered more than just the financial aspect of this situation, especially when you have a child.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by tao

Marrying someone to help them stay in the country is illegal. You broke the law and now you're realizing you made a mistake. Good luck to both you and your husband in resolving your situation but I won't pity you because there are no victims in this. You enabled this whole thing by making an unwise choice. To say "he manipulated me" is avoiding your own responsibility in it.

This is why our coutry must stop being so soft....and start being more cut and dry....we must also teach our children NOT to be taken in by those who would violate trust and kindness....

I believe children own a perception that is uncanny, and if your child is uncomfortable with him, that would most certainly throw up a flag.

culture or no culture, I don't excuse rudeness....or lack of respect for another's feelings...this man is in it for what he can get out of it, and nothing more.

run, like anything....is what I'd do....

[cj31young]

I didn't expect pity. Just advise. I agree that I enabled the situation but also, you have no idea how this guy took advantage of the opportunity soooo well. When we met he was very assertive persistent and self assured even when I tried to dismiss him. When he feared being deported because of a traffic violation, he panicked and became more convincing of how good of a human being he is and how he would never harm us because God would punish him. He agreed to always be supportive for my daughter and I if I would support him through this. So, you see, I did have some of my own best interest by agreeing. He even told me several lies about his education and his family background. I am not a skilled manipulator as he is; maybe a little desperate and lonely for companionship.
It's rough being a single parent and striving for a happier life but I have learned my lesson now. I no longer have the desire to take on others burdens in life. My own purpose is worth more.
Thanks

Originally Posted by tao

Marrying someone to help them stay in the country is illegal. You broke the law and now you're realizing you made a mistake. Good luck to both you and your husband in resolving your situation but I won't pity you because there are no victims in this. You enabled this whole thing by making an unwise choice. To say "he manipulated me" is avoiding your own responsibility in it.

[floridadreamer]

Originally Posted by cj31young

I no longer have the desire to take on others burdens in life. My own purpose is worth more.
Thanks

So not that you have to tell us, but have you found out if an anullment is possible? If you don't mind, please keep us informed. I for one would like to know that you are ok.

[Lisa_from_Debary]

Originally Posted by floridadreamer

So not that you have to tell us, but have you found out if an anullment is possible? If you don't mind, please keep us informed. I for one would like to know that you are ok.

I would like to know as well because I geuss I am a little worried about you...not in a stalking way but I have been through something similar and it got messy before it was all over. I didn't realize he was marrying me to gain citizenship...imagine my shock when I started thinking something was wrong...hacked into his computer and found out he had married me to gain citizenship, was planning on replacing my birth control pills to get me pregnant (to have an anchor child), his Mother and StepFather knew all, that he was currently NOT with his Parents but at a hotel with a woman he was having an affair with...I couldn't have been MORE shocked if Elvis had walked in and slapped me in the face.

[jason1117]

in my opinion,one should never marry someone out of pity or tired of loneliness,you should marry someone for love.
And the man is..evil,get rid of him,divorce is the best solution

[mainebrokerman]

good intentions(without verifications) paves the road to hell.,

id immediately get a divorce, and make sure you carry around some pepper spray

im sure there are many woman in your shoes,,,that had good intentions,,dont feel alone,

as far as folks not wiping,,using toilet paper,,we should have a wiping law,,thats just not right(imagine these non-wipers at the supermarket in the produce department, handling the fruits and veggies,,checking to see if product is ripe,,,
i've got to be careful what i say the politically correct crowd will be screaming at me, i should try it before im critical of anyone else's culture.

[crashcop]

Originally Posted by Lisa_from_Debary

The secret to ending something like a marriage without so much mess is to hit all the points in ONE day.

Change the locks, change your bank account, change your phone number...speak to the lawyer and get a restraining order all at once. I would hold on to the threat to contact Immigration in order to get him to comply with whatever demands you have. Since you have no children together and I assume you don't own property, it should be pretty quick to get him out of your life.

Excellent, well thought advice. The best defense is a good offense.