Married to an immigrant (girl, reason, surprise, attract)
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Have my own "horror story" regarding an immigrant....
I was 17 and pretty much had it all. Was very happy, had a lot of friends, lived an upper middle class lifestyle, went to loads of concerts, festivals, etc. Five months before graduating from high school, one of my friends introduced me to a relative of hers that was visiting from Kenya. Little did I know that the introduction would change the course of my life.
He was 26 and was only going to be visiting here for a short time. I wasn't really interested in pursuing a relationship of any kind as I had recently broke up with my boyfriend and was just looking forward to going to college. He kept asking though, and had even started calling me and since I was single, went ahead and went out with him.
Things went way too fast. We were intimate on our second date, and to put it as G rated as possible, the sex was simply mind blowing. He was also a great talker. My last few months of high school literally revolved around him. We would "hook up" in my car after school, and on the weekends I would rent us a hotel room. This definitely would have been a great fling, but of course it turned into more than that. I got pregnant, which is obviously what he wanted, and then he started in on needing me to marry him so he could stay here and be with me and his baby.
I went through a lot of mixed emotions at the time, but agreed with him that marriage was the best choice at that moment. We married three days after my 18th birthday, and while I did go to college, I went to the local college instead of going to San Francisco State with my friends. My mom thought I was completely insane, but she didn't fight it as she knew I had to make my own decisions.
During my four years at Uni, I worked, went to classes full time, and took care of our kids(I had three during those four years). What did he do? NOTHING. He just sat around the house. Supposedly it was a "custom" for him to basically be nothing but a house husband. We had two more children after I graduated, and I just got fed up with him wanting a meal ticket and woman to raise as many children as he wanted. I made him move out and filed for a divorce. Even though I was a 25 year old single mother with five children, it felt like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders.
I don't blame him or anybody else. I am responsible for my actions. I love my children so I cant really say it was all a mistake, but I definitely shouldn't have married him. Lost a lot of friends during that time as they all moved on, and even my family seemed to look at me differently.
In hindsight, I'm not even sure why he wanted to be here. Yeah he struck gold with me as I'm certainly attractive, have money, and he could have done much worse in that regard, but he had no goals or ambition. What was the point of staying in this country if you're gonna do nothing, which is probably the same thing he would have done had he went back to Kenya?
Wow is all i can say about my african husband when we met i ask him random questions about what do he expect from an american wife? What makes him mad happy or sad ? And just general questions trying to get to know him better and the answers that he gave at the time is not the actions that he shows me now that we're married omg!! And he makes me feel like its my responsibility for his papers!!!! And i have to be punished by not asking to do anything or go anymore because he have to save up to get his idenitiy straight wow only if i knew all of this from the begining i didnt know this before falling in love with him that he wasnt using his own name everything we have i have to get or we dont get i feel so betrayed and frustrated and he says im negative why shouldnt i be smh help me what must i do now i do love my husband but why lie?
Glad to hear you're no longer with him. But I wanted to comment on this quote:
Quote:
When we met he was very assertive persistent and self assured even when I tried to dismiss him.
Learn to trust your gut for future relationships. When you get a bad vibe from someone, act on it. The fact that this guy kept pressuring you even though you said "no" was a huge red flag.
Glad to hear you're no longer with him. But I wanted to comment on this quote:
Learn to trust your gut for future relationships. When you get a bad vibe from someone, act on it. The fact that this guy kept pressuring you even though you said "no" was a huge red flag.
Good advice, but the OP posted that four years ago, and her last post was in May of this year.
I married an African immarant out of pity and loneliness less than a month ago. We were dating for a short amount of time and he got arrested for drinking and driving. He ran to New York than called me and explaned that his status needed to be updated. He asked me to marry him so that he would not loose his job and have to go back to his country and start over again. I agreed to do it because he promised to be supportive for my daughter and I. I was tired of being single and had no relationship. Now I want out. I feel minipulated and unsure about the future for us. He was raised muslym I was raised christian, he is acward around my daughter and she does not like him. Also, He is A Selfish lover. Yes, I new these things before we got married but I wanted to help him get a better life here in America. I want out. I mean, I found out two days ago that he does not use tissue but instead his hands to wipe clean.( NO Lie) There is is serious cultural clash.
Any advise please. I know this sounds crazy.
Good advice, but the OP posted that four years ago, and her last post was in May of this year.
As always, I'm sure this thread was resurrected because it was turned up in a Google search. The most recent poster since 2009 has 1 post. They probably searched something specific in a search engine recently that bought up this site, they chimed in, and resurrected the thread.
As always, I'm sure this thread was resurrected because it was turned up in a Google search. The most recent poster since 2009 has 1 post. They probably searched something specific in a search engine recently that bought up this site, they chimed in, and resurrected the thread.
Probably a search. Good information since many foreigners and not just those from Africa are getting to be very skilled at manipulating our system.
I hear this time and time again on the online dating sites "Avoid potential Foreign spouses". Many times they are indoctrinated into a way of life that is so dissimilar from anything we can identify with that it is bound to end in disaster.
The red flags in the OPs case are ridicules: Hooking up with someone from a 3rd world country, opposing religions, pregnant before graduating HS.
How in the world would the OP be able to graduate from College, support a non-working husband and have five kids...Either she is an incredibly stupid super woman or this story doesn't hold water.
I can't understand why anyone would get married to someone of a completely different religion.
Considering many people put their Deity above their spouse and even their children I wonder why myself!
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) There is is serious cultural clash. 
. 
