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I have seen quite a few happy relationships and am lucky enough to be in one myself ! Most people I know who are happy in love tend to be people who took their time getting to know each other, had realistic expectations and work at it though. Relationships are hardly ever going to be plain sailing and people expecting a land of Milk and Honey and floors strewn with Rose Petals every day are going to have a seriously rude awakening.
I think in many ways we are not raising kids to be a littlle better at adjusting to life's realities by telling them things should be easy all the time and to expect everything to fall into their lap. Impatience and intolerance are not the natural friends of Love . Neither is selfishness .
And I would say more often than not having kids seem to weaken the relationship rather than strengthen it in my experience. I do see so many parents who endure rather than enjoy life and that to me is so sad.
I do see a lot of couples who are bored to tears with each other and barely speak to one another , possibly because they have little in common and lead almost different lives.
There are plenty of happy , loving couples but I suspect most of them lead rather quiet unshowy lives so are not so noticeable...
Well, I have never seen a happy adult marriage in my life. Out of all the years on this earth, most of the people I know are single/divorced, and from the ones that are married, they're more like roommates or they're just staying together for the sake of the kids.
I will say this, the only people who look to be genuinely in love are high school kids. They hold hands and kiss each other in the public, they're always smiling/looking at each other, and you can just feel the deep affection that they have for each other. They are TRULY in love.
However, I'm quite sure modern burdens such as acquiring money, paying rent, and securing resources for yourself (i.e, retirement money) is the major cause as to why these close bonds are broken.
If we only lived in a civilization (i.e., Minoans, Aztecs) where everyone's basic needs could be met. I think then we would have a much more peaceful society, and adult heterosexual relationships would be much more loving towards each other.
What do you all think?
We(my wife is sitting here beside me, reading this too) think you need to come and live with us for a week and you will see a "happy couple". We are both near 40, been through other relationships(I was married twice before), went to high school together(we were never a couple), and have a very healthy love for one another. There is respect and honor from both sides, and a clear understanding that everyday is a challenge. We did not come into this marriage trying to change the other person. We accepted each other just the way we are. As with any other type of relationship, we have our good days and our bad ones. At the end of the day though, we both know where we stand, and know that we make each other complete(you complete me..ha!)
Well, I have never seen a happy adult marriage in my life. Out of all the years on this earth, most of the people I know are single/divorced, and from the ones that are married, they're more like roommates or they're just staying together for the sake of the kids.
Frankly, given your age and level of understanding, you have no way of knowing that. And please, please don't regale us with stories of scores of grown-ups fortuitously opening up to you about the quality of their marriages.
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I will say this, the only people who look to be genuinely in love are high school kids. They hold hands and kiss each other in the public, they're always smiling/looking at each other, and you can just feel the deep affection that they have for each other. They are TRULY in love.
Holding hands and kissing in public equals true love? Are you serious? If your perceptions are that superficial, I'd say you have no business bashing modern culture.
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However, I'm quite sure modern burdens such as acquiring money, paying rent, and securing resources for yourself (i.e, retirement money) is the major cause as to why these close bonds are broken.
Those burdens have gotten lighter in the last 100 years or so, not worse. For the first time, in a very long time, we in the Western world live in societies where most people never have to worry about going hungry or being homeless, whatever their marital status. In fact, that's just it: bonds between people who were miserable together used to be stronger in an age when they were necessary for survival. But frankly, I don't want to see lower divorce rates at the expense of health, wealth and longevity.
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If we only lived in a civilization (i.e., Minoans, Aztecs) where everyone's basic needs could be met. I think then we would have a much more peaceful society, and adult heterosexual relationships would be much more loving towards each other.
This is yet another proof that American secondary education is below the level of the sewer. Your parents should ask for their tax money back. Minoans and Aztecs, seriously? "Peaceful"? You think that just they were ancient and not Western (in the case of Aztecs), that makes them ideal?
Minoans and Aztecs led short and brutal lives. So short and brutal were they, and so precariously perched on the brink of extinction (from individuals' point of view), that those people did not even have a concept of love as we understand it today. Not only did those civilizations not place any value on love in heterosexual relationships -- the very idea would have been foreign and incomprehensible to those people. They were both very warlike civilizations, with the men preoccupied with killing each other, and the women -- with bearing more men so that they could kill each other when they reached the ripe old age of, oh, 14. Both civilizations "met the needs" of people only in the most academic sense -- that is, that those in power would keep you alive, so that you could build those fortresses and temples for them. But there were no conveniences and no luxuries for most people, and no leisure to worry about "happiness" for anyone but very, very few people. Both civilizations were fundamentalist theocracies, where the majority of the population spent their short and brutal lives as unpaid labor in the service of priests. Love? Holding hands and kissing in public, you really think they did that? In an age when the average life expectancy was in the late 20's, when more than half of children did not live to the age of 10, when most men died in war and most women in childbirth, people didn't have relationships -- they had duties. And nothing else. I don't know about you, but I feel less oppressed by the "hook-up culture" than I would be by the power structure in those societies.
I think my parents are a truly happy couple...whats their secret??
My mom works 12 hr night shifts as a nurse and has for the past 30 years. My dad and her only spend about an hr and a half with each other on the days she works eating dinner and catching up. On the rare day she is off the two of them are inseparable. Super affectionate. And seemingly cant get enough of each other.
The one thing that they have always said that really stood out to me (my brother and I have been a HANDFUL) was that no one would put a rift between them. Not even their children. They told us if it came to that point they would ask us to leave. Their relationship is and always has been their number one priority.
Most happy marriages I tend to see are those who are not really attractive by traditional American Standards and dont have many friends, so they are just happy to have one another. Really goood looking people tend to stray out once the sex grows stale or one partner gains significant weight.
I am here to say that is wrong! I know a lot of happy couples. I am one of them. My husband and I were friends at 16 got married at 21 and now more than 33 years married we are still happy.
We love spending time with each other. I don't believe we are too ugly or fat to leave the house. We enjoy spending time with friends our family our kids our grandkids.
WE are happy to have each other because it works for us. AND neither of us have ever strayed!
If my husband lost his hair or put on some weight it wouldn't change the way I feel whatsoever..I love him for who he is as he loves me for who I am .......
Originally Posted by Redisca;15969618Those burdens have gotten [I
lighter[/i] in the last 100 years or so, not worse. For the first time, in a very long time, we in the Western world live in societies where most people never have to worry about going hungry or being homeless, whatever their marital status. In fact, that's just it: bonds between people who were miserable together used to be stronger in an age when they were necessary for survival. But frankly, I don't want to see lower divorce rates at the expense of health, wealth and longevity.
Some statistics I found on homelessness - Homelessness - indicate 700,000 to 2 million homeless on a given night in the US - true, not what I would call "most people" - but that's a rather large blip, and if you consider the unreported numbers it could get frightening.
Not too long ago there was a thread asking if anyone was in a happy marriage, I think it went three pages. Unlike the countless threads about facebook, race, cheating, and all other superficial topics which can go on for 30 pages or more. Not sure if that's any indication on the state of relationships, but it's probably not too far off.
From my own observation, I would put happy marriages and couples somewhere around the 50% mark. Maybe even a tad lower when you start peeling back some layers. That's not such bad odds when you consider what a challenge it is to find someone who can live with all your quirks, imperfections, flaws, moods and such and still love you. On top of all that, this person would have to accept you over time, as both of you go through personal and physical changes, warts and all. Some even endure infidelities, bankruptcies, disease, distance, disasters, etc. Considering all of that, I still think even 40% success rate is pretty good.
Even though we both (wife/I) are unemployed, we are still happy in our marriage! You should come and see how we act at home.....silly, laughing, hugging and kissing. We are in our early 60's heading for our 10 year Anniversary. We have our disagreements, but that is just part of a relationship/marriage. She gives me good advice, like "watch how much you eat" and I'll stop eating. She loves it when I agree and obey her!! I'll look at her sometimes and say......"your wish is my command!". Oh yea, we have a very loving and happy relationship/marriage.....seriously, we do!
Some statistics I found on homelessness - Homelessness - indicate 700,000 to 2 million homeless on a given night in the US - true, not what I would call "most people" - but that's a rather large blip, and if you consider the unreported numbers it could get frightening.
The rest of your points are fine.
There IS a certain point there, although one must be wary: Numbers can lie. It's more a question of percentages.
One thing I think of when the point of finances in modern times versus the finances of "ye olden tymes" with regard to families and relationships comes up is that it's a question of trade-off.
We have "more money" and people have more things -- but the family unit dissolves much, much sooner as compared to a more agrarian economy and longer commutes requiring not only fuel, but TIME. I, for example, have to make the most of a morning and an afternoon hour ON THE ROAD with my three-year-old, and then once we're home we have 1.5 to 2 hours together, including meals, bathing and any form of his evening leisure, plus any lessons we're working on, before bedtime.
That's a lot of stuff crammed into just a little time with my boy, and yet it's necessary in order to maintain our lifestyle while planning for the future as best we may in the modern economy.
It's a trade-off. We have more things, but kids are gone when they're 18, grandparents are in nursing homes rather than living with the family and The Waltons are dead to us. It's a sugary illustration but meaningful, genuinely meaningful.
Don't count on your kids having time for you when you're old; count on them being terribly busy while you hopefully live long enough to reach Aid Acres, where for all the disinfectant in the world there's still a lingering smell of urine.
At that point one must ask whether all the play-pretties are worth it.
Alas, if only I were Minoan, so I could be dead by 35 of battle and relative hunger... Or Aztec, so I could be dead even earlier after my leg was broken in a masonry accident and I wasn't good for anything except sacrifice. W00T! High life, high five! Quetzalcoatl, here I come!
Well, I have never seen a happy adult marriage in my life. Out of all the years on this earth, most of the people I know are single/divorced, and from the ones that are married, they're more like roommates or they're just staying together for the sake of the kids.
That's sad. I know many happy adult couples. I'm sorry you don't know us; we're very happy.
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Originally Posted by calicali01
I will say this, the only people who look to be genuinely in love are high school kids. They hold hands and kiss each other in the public, they're always smiling/looking at each other, and you can just feel the deep affection that they have for each other. They are TRULY in love.
I think what most high schoolers feel is infatuation. Infatuation, lust, starry-eyed puppy love ... these feelings fade over time. A mistake that people make is confusing infatuation with love. When those feelings are gone, people get confused and leave. That's what "I love you but I'm not in love with you" means.
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Originally Posted by calicali01
However, I'm quite sure modern burdens such as acquiring money, paying rent, and securing resources for yourself (i.e, retirement money) is the major cause as to why these close bonds are broken.
I agree with this. People spend so much time at work and on themselves that they neglect their spouse and their relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calicali01
If we only lived in a civilization (i.e., Minoans, Aztecs) where everyone's basic needs could be met. I think then we would have a much more peaceful society, and adult heterosexual relationships would be much more loving towards each other.
What do you all think?
You want to live like the AZTECS? That was not a simple time. That was a time of disease, human sacrifice and war.
And why did you mention heterosexual relationships? What about gay people?
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!! I'll look at her sometimes and say......"your wish is my command!"
