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How do you know they didn't have a good reason for not being able to meet? What the woman the OP was supposed to meet couldn't get out of work?
If it's entirely her fault (even if it's for a good reason), it should be her responsibility to suggest the rescheduling. I wouldn't jump through hoops if I were him, but everybody's different.
If it's entirely her fault (even if it's for a good reason), it should be her responsibility to suggest the rescheduling. I wouldn't jump through hoops if I were him, but everybody's different.
To me, this doesn't rise to the level of jumping through hoops. She couldn't make it, apologized, and gave him an opening to ask her again. That tells me she was still interested in meeting him and I bet if he asked, she would've said yes. I think it's pretty silly when you start getting into questions of whose job it is to suggest rescheduling. That's over-analyzing the whole thing and making it way more complicated than it needs to be. It reminds me of those people who have all these silly rules about how long to wait before returning someone's call. IMO, people waste too much energy trying to follow these rules than instead of just following their instincts.
To me, this doesn't rise to the level of jumping through hoops. She couldn't make it, apologized, and gave him an opening to ask her again. That tells me she was still interested in meeting him and I bet if he asked, she would've said yes. I think it's pretty silly when you start getting into questions of whose job it is to suggest rescheduling. That's over-analyzing the whole thing and making it way more complicated than it needs to be. It reminds me of those people who have all these silly rules about how long to wait before returning someone's call. IMO, people waste too much energy trying to follow these rules than instead of just following their instincts.
Whatever, Denny. That was obviously my opinion. Nobody's obligated to live by it.
There is no game when both parties are interested in each others.
It is only normal that many people will want to avoid confrontation (outright saying "I'm not interested") with a stranger and play games.
The problem is that anyone can tell when they're being played so the person who's clumsily trying not to hurt your feelings is not doing anybody a favor.
But it's to be expected. I wouldn't lose sweat over it. Good on you for knowing when you're wasting your time. A lot of people can't tell when there is a game going on and they get hurt, repeatedly, in the process.
The worst thing you can do is make excuses for somebody. "Oh, she's just traditional." "Oh, he was just tired that night." If somebody wants to do something, they will figure out a way to do it. Your intuition is correct. Keep it moving.
If it's entirely her fault (even if it's for a good reason), it should be her responsibility to suggest the rescheduling. I wouldn't jump through hoops if I were him, but everybody's different.
I'll do his leg work for him:
"I sorry it didn't work out too. . . I'm free this Friday after work if you like to go to _____ for a bite to eat."
Press send, sit back and have a cold one and relax. Hoop jumping is tiresome.
To me, this doesn't rise to the level of jumping through hoops. She couldn't make it, apologized, and gave him an opening to ask her again. That tells me she was still interested in meeting him and I bet if he asked, she would've said yes. I think it's pretty silly when you start getting into questions of whose job it is to suggest rescheduling. That's over-analyzing the whole thing and making it way more complicated than it needs to be. It reminds me of those people who have all these silly rules about how long to wait before returning someone's call. IMO, people waste too much energy trying to follow these rules than instead of just following their instincts.
If the OP is juggling three or four different girls, then I would tell him to go for it. What does it matter? But if he's encountering this type of thing frequently, then I would recommend him to nix her. If he asks her out again, after she clearly blew him off the first time, he looks desperate, and no attractive woman in her prime wants a desperate man if she has tall, high status hunks to choose from. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to invite her out again, but our actions dictate our thinking, and he'll take this approach with all women.
The logical thinking man says to himself: "What's the big deal? She couldn't make it the first time, I'll just ask again." The woman, on a subconscious level, thinks to herself: "This guy must not be able to get any dates at all considering the fact that I cancelled on him but yet he's still jumping at the chance to ask me out. I can do better." The best thing this guy can do is to leave her alone and continue asking out other girls.
If the OP is juggling three or four different girls, then I would tell him to go for it. What does it matter? But if he's encountering this type of thing frequently, then I would recommend him to nix her. If he asks her out again, after she clearly blew him off the first time, he looks desperate, and no attractive woman in her prime wants a desperate man if she has tall, high status hunks to choose from. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to invite her out again, but our actions dictate our thinking, and he'll take this approach with all women.
The logical thinking man says to himself: "What's the big deal? She couldn't make it the first time, I'll just ask again." The woman, on a subconscious level, thinks to herself: "This guy must not be able to get any dates at all considering the fact that I cancelled on him but yet he's still jumping at the chance to ask me out. I can do better." The best thing this guy can do is to leave her alone and continue asking out other girls.
Missing 1 date is "blowing him off?" Geesh! Whatever happened to the thrill of "the chase?" Do we now have a generation of wimps masquerading as men? Why cant the OP think of this as a challenge rather than a defeat?
Missing 1 date is "blowing him off?" Geesh! Whatever happened to the thrill of "the chase?" Do we now have a generation of wimps masquerading as men? Why cant the OP think of this as a challenge rather than a defeat?
Yes. Missing one date is "blowing him off." Women, even very attractive women, throw themselves at men all the time. I bet you this girl would have proposed an alternative date if the OP was a neurosurgeon who could pass for Paul Walker's identical twin. The notion that a man should be the one to pursue is stupid. In fact, women love the feeling of chasing and winning over a man that other women find desirable. Many attractive women won't have it any other way. It's exciting.
What's not exciting is the typical, supplicating beta male who lets women get away with whimsical behavior, including cancelling a date one hour beforehand. Women, especially young and attractive women, do these types of things all the time. As they age out of attractiveness, and their options shrink, this behavior "coincidentally" ceases. It's very simple: when people have power, they tend to abuse it. A woman's looks are power, and many of them abuse that power.
Golden Advice: "Of course, what a woman expects from a man she’s dating and what actually turns her on to want to **** the guy are two different things. If you are an alpha male and have lived a day in your life, you know the best way to please a woman who is hard to please is… to not try hard to please her."
Last edited by BajanYankee; 09-29-2010 at 09:40 AM..
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