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Since then, we dated regularly and eventually branded ourselves in a relationship (about 3 months ago). At first, I was happy because I really wanted to be with her, or so I thought. The encounter I posted about wasn't enough to make me pull the brakes, so I hustled forward and the sex eventually happened. Not great, but at least I was getting it. Now, sex for me is important in a relationship. More important, however, is the intimacy that *potentially* leads to it. I'm one of those guys who likes a lot of affection and intimacy. She, however, can somtimes have the intimacy of a doorknob. There are times when she is intimate, but they are becoming fewer, too few for a relationship which is still very new.
I've told her my concern about it several times since we began the relationship. She recently began taking online Masters classes on top of her stressful job, and I warned that she didn't have time for a relationship yet we soldiered on. Last week, we had another conversation. We went on a trip to Las Vegas with a group of her friends ( a trip on which I saw no action). I talked to her about what I percieved as her lack of intimacy and a somewhat emotional detachment, to which she replied "I'm trying my best given the fact that I'm in school and such." The conclusion to that conversation was that to get intimacy from her, I need to make adjustments, but I'm left to figure out what adjustments to make . I conceded without thinking. What more can I do? I've cooked for her, taken her out, surprised her with random things like flowers and such. Not to toot my own horn, but I feel I've lent much more than she has to this relationship. Could I do more? Sure, but why do all those things with little result? I want her to be happy, at the same time I've gotten little in return in the way of the affection I desire.
I know the obvious answer to this is to leave. I just don't know how, since just last week I was telling her I was going to try harder. I feel now that we are just incompatible. I wanted to hold out and see what changes, but I'm not even in love with her. Don't even think I'm capable of it at this point. I know what to do and how to do it, just not ready to pull the trigger yet. This is part rant, vent, and part wanting some advice if anyone knows where to chime in?
I personally don't think that someone should have to "work" so hard at a relationship so early on. You don't owe her or yourself anything less than honesty. It can happen that a good person is wrong for us or that the timing is wrong.
As awkward and emotionally difficult as it may be, it's better to cut your losses now rather than to waste more time, money and effort into a relationship that doesn't seem like it's going anywhere.
I totally agree with robee70. I was going to grad school, working at an internship, and working a night job and STILL found time to be intimate with my significant other at the time. When you truly love someone, it comes naturally. If she isn't giving you the quality time that you want even in VEGAS, then I would say after school is done, its just gonna be something else. Good luck, there's someone out there who is willing to return the love that you give.
People are on their BEST behavior when a relationship is new. They want to hide their fugly parts as long as possible. If the intimacy isn't there in the beginning, it's not likely to suddenly arrive over time.
Unless this woman is very socially inept, she knows sex and intimacy are important to you. She also knows you are not happy with her performance in this area. And yet, she is doing nothing to improve. That's the telling part. She knows you aren't happy and she's doing nothing to improve the situation.
What the others have said. Some people are like cold fish and should swim with other fish. She'll only get more distant as time progresses. It's time to end the relationship now, before it gets too complicated.
I think she probably is bored with the sex or has some physical issues that makes her disinterested (i.e. if she exercises a whole lot it expends a ton of energy, no energy left for other stuff). Sorry dude...
I feel now that we are just incompatible. I wanted to hold out and see what changes, but I'm not even in love with her. Don't even think I'm capable of it at this point. I know what to do and how to do it, just not ready to pull the trigger yet. This is part rant, vent, and part wanting some advice if anyone knows where to chime in?
1. You are incompatible.
2. You are not in love with her (and never will be).
3. You know what you should do and how to do it.
Please explain what part of you is not ready to pull the trigger? Because you sound ready to me. What are you waiting for?
you sould like me 6 months ago. i ate moderate amounts, i worked out every once in a while, and i was 140, 5'9" and 24, i was medically fine.
turns out i had low testosterone, so now i eat cashews regularly to increase my natural testosterone output, and i limit my intake of pasta and unnaturally raised chicken (unless i'm working out more) because those are major contributors to estrogen, and estrogen in men is BAD for business down there.
ok i said that so i could say this: i had a lover that i didn't know if i loved or not, we lived together for a year, and until i increased my testosterone, i was lost, confused, and undecided about where i was sexually. once the sex life increased, so did the relationship.
so, my advice is to work on increasing your testosterone, the horomones will drive your body to feel and know what you want, and you'll have no problem A: getting it up when you wanna have fun, B: knowing who you're really attracted too or not by the sensations you get, and C: the testosterone will make the opposite sex more attracted to you throught the pheromones you put out.
good luck.
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. I conceded without thinking. What more can I do? I've cooked for her, taken her out, surprised her with random things like flowers and such. Not to toot my own horn, but I feel I've lent much more than she has to this relationship. Could I do more? Sure, but why do all those things with little result? I want her to be happy, at the same time I've gotten little in return in the way of the affection I desire. 
