Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yeah I'm pretty surprised he actually said something about having sex too soon. Makes me think he might be uncertain of the relationship if he is announcing to you the start of it happened "too soon"...Although, you never know, maybe he's just not used to sexual relationships beginning without alot of begging or waiting around. lol
But there is a huge difference if he is acting almost regretful of it being "too soon", or if he's more like stating it as a fact like "yeah we got busy without delay!"
I personally don't see anything "wrong" with becoming intimate with someone you care about in the moment you feel it. And especially if you've known the guy for 6 months, then no harm there.
Usually guys are supposed to be happy about that sort of thing, right?! lol
I'm kinda curious as to the sort of conversation that was taking place proir to him making this comment?!
I was reading this thread [URL]//www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/597286-having-sex-too-early-really-ltr.html[/URL] and was going to comment, but rather than start up a year old thread I thought I'd start a new one.
I noticed that a lot of comments in that thread (and in real life, magazines, books, etc) discuss what women should do when propositioned for sex...why does this double standard exist where if a couple has sex it's automatically the woman who turns into the ****? Last I checked, it takes two to tango...
I stumbled upon this thread because my boyfriend thinks that we had sex too soon, despite the fact that we've known each other for months. (Not in a relationship for months, but there's been a mutual attraction building for six months.) And it astounds me that the minute something physical happens it's all on the girl. He immediately began to question my credibility afterward, only retracting what he said when I told him how hurt I was that he would think that of me. It's really bothering me, I can't stop thinking about this.
I just don't understand why wanting to have sex is considered such a negative thing and why it seems to be ok for guys to bang whoever they please without being judged, but the girl gets a bad rep nearly every time.
What do you all think? Does the responsibility of making the decision to have sex land more with one gender than the other? If so, why do you think this is? Can anyone relate to this?
You need to find out why he is saying you had sex too soon. From out here, it's hard to get where you're coming from without context. There could be a lot of reasons he said "too soon" that have nothing to do with his view of your "morality." He could be feeling that way because he's not ready to commit to you exclusively, yet knows that some people assume that sex = exclusivity. He could be conflicted about his religion. He could be referring to not having gotten tested for STDs. He could be talking about before dinner or after.
Second, if he doesn't give you a valid reason for his concerns and he is pulling the ol' double-standard, I am sorry to say that I am entirely too lazy to get into why some people still cling to that absolutely outdated, misogynistic, irrelevant, steaming heap of b.s. again, so I will point you to a locked thread for some ready-made opinions on the matter.
In a nutshell, my own thoughts are that any man who feels that way is threatened by female sexuality and should not be given a second thought. And as others will eventually point out, the men who blather on about the "virtues" of women who wait forever and a day to have sex and how they would only marry women who made them wait X amount of months are often the same men who end up grousing a few years later about how they never get any sex from their wives.
Bottom line is, some people are still living in the 1950s, but there are plenty of men who don't think so archaically. If the man you are dating maintains a double-standard, get rid of him. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and the last thing a woman needs is a jerk who is going to try to make her feel bad about her sexuality, sexual history, and experience with him. If having sex with him makes you dirty, that means he is dirt.
I noticed that a lot of comments in that thread (and in real life, magazines, books, etc) discuss what women should do when propositioned for sex...why does this double standard exist where if a couple has sex it's automatically the woman who turns into the ****? Last I checked, it takes two to tango...
I stumbled upon this thread because my boyfriend thinks that we had sex too soon, despite the fact that we've known each other for months. (Not in a relationship for months, but there's been a mutual attraction building for six months.) And it astounds me that the minute something physical happens it's all on the girl. He immediately began to question my credibility afterward, only retracting what he said when I told him how hurt I was that he would think that of me. It's really bothering me, I can't stop thinking about this.
I just don't understand why wanting to have sex is considered such a negative thing and why it seems to be ok for guys to bang whoever they please without being judged, but the girl gets a bad rep nearly every time.
What do you all think? Does the responsibility of making the decision to have sex land more with one gender than the other? If so, why do you think this is? Can anyone relate to this?
Your house is on fire and you're complaining about your neighbors tall grass
Quit distracting yourself by trying to justify your actions.
Rightly or wrongly, your boyfriend has an issue here that is likely going to be the death of your relationship.
He thinks of you now in a less than flattering way because you had sex with him "too soon". He basically thinks you were too easy and has apparently lost some respect for you.
I noticed that a lot of comments in that thread (and in real life, magazines, books, etc) discuss what women should do when propositioned for sex...why does this double standard exist where if a couple has sex it's automatically the woman who turns into the ****? Last I checked, it takes two to tango...
I stumbled upon this thread because my boyfriend thinks that we had sex too soon, despite the fact that we've known each other for months. (Not in a relationship for months, but there's been a mutual attraction building for six months.) And it astounds me that the minute something physical happens it's all on the girl. He immediately began to question my credibility afterward, only retracting what he said when I told him how hurt I was that he would think that of me. It's really bothering me, I can't stop thinking about this.
I just don't understand why wanting to have sex is considered such a negative thing and why it seems to be ok for guys to bang whoever they please without being judged, but the girl gets a bad rep nearly every time.
What do you all think? Does the responsibility of making the decision to have sex land more with one gender than the other? If so, why do you think this is? Can anyone relate to this?
The "double standards" argument are completely irrelevant to your situation. Here is what actually IS relevant: you entered into a sexual relationship without first making sure your opinions towards sex are compatible. Don't get me wrong I have done it as well, many of us have! But when you do so, it is a game of Russian Roulette; sometimes things work out and sometimes they do not.
Your bf is entitled to his opinion - and I do agree it is unfair - and you are entitled to yours. It's just unfortunate you found out how differing your opinions are after the fact. Learn from this, keep it in mind as you meet new men in the future. If you want a relationship based on mutual respect, you have to make sure you shared values, especially when it comes to something as important as sex. I'm not saying you should wait a certain amount of time; I think one might have sex on the first date, or the tenth, or maybe never... but you need to make sure you are on the same page before you get sexually involved.
(Exception of course is if you are just doing it for the sex in and of itself and aren't thinking about a relationship, in which case you won't care if the guy looks down on you for having sex so quickly.)
And as others will eventually point out, the men who blather on about the "virtues" of women who wait forever and a day to have sex and how they would only marry women who made them wait X amount of months are often the same men who end up grousing a few years later about how they never get any sex from their wives.
I stumbled upon this thread because my boyfriend thinks that we had sex too soon.
You know, i really wonder what was going on through his head that first time. "Oh, no. I'm getting some."? Or maybe something like "Holy crap. I like this girl and now we're doing it? That's not right".
Seriously, just how low his self esteem gotta be to actually be upset about having sex too soon?
Relax, girl. There are people who make a big deal out of this "sacred act" and those who who just enjoy it. I say pick a clique and stick to it.
And as others will eventually point out, the men who blather on about the "virtues" of women who wait forever and a day to have sex and how they would only marry women who made them wait X amount of months are often the same men who end up grousing a few years later about how they never get any sex from their wives.
Ah yes, happy is the man who marries an ex-prostitute. What a nice ending to a comic book where justice is always done in a nice closed loop. However every corset must let loose of its lumps, and the illusion is revealed.
The men who complain about a lack of sex are the ones who have let their status sink to the level of a domestic house slave. Certainly it is made worse when they think they are still the emperor of their crumbling empire. It is made still worse when it takes 48 hours for his woman to juice up on 3 day business trip where he becomes the victim of female cuckolding strategy.
Many very normal women respond sexually to their man without the on for everyone mode. These are otherwise known as men with options whose wives make sure he chooses option #1.
Look, it works like this:
Are you a 10? A hoard of sex partners will not even come to mind for a garbage man. Think twice if you are aiming for a rock star. A few partners probably will not even matter to a doctor, but don't push it.
Are you an 8 trying to edge out a 7 looking to marry a doctor? I'd keep your mouth shut if I were you.
Looks, personality, sexual fidelity are all figured into the equation and one of those tells is how easily you jump in the sack."I don't normally do this" is like a joke for those who know. Oh, of course if a man is looking for a fling they love women who jump in the sack because :
#1 Men who commit to women maximize their gene replication by having loyal committed partners.
AND
#2 Men who who take advantage of sexual opportunities
These are mutually exclusive strategies that grandma knew all about.
So this guys innards are swirling around as he stands confused between the precipitous. He really likes you, but because you didn't listen to grandma, you set of his anti-cuckolding hardware.
And as others will eventually point out, the men who blather on about the "virtues" of women who wait forever and a day to have sex and how they would only marry women who made them wait X amount of months are often the same men who end up grousing a few years later about how they never get any sex from their wives.
Ah yes, happy is the man who marries an ex-prostitute. What a nice ending to a comic book where justice is always done in a nice closed loop. However every corset must let loose of its lumps, and the illusion is revealed.
The men who complain about a lack of sex are the ones who have let their status sink to the level of a domestic house slave. Certainly it is made worse when they think they are still the emperor of their crumbling empire. It is made still worse when it takes 48 hours for his woman to juice up on 3 day business trip where he becomes the victim of female cuckolding strategy.
Many very normal women respond sexually to their man without the on for everyone mode. These are otherwise known as men with options whose wives make sure he chooses option #1.
Look, it works like this:
Are you a 10? A hoard of sex partners will not even come to mind for a garbage man. Think twice if you are aiming for a rock star. A few partners probably will not even matter to a doctor, but don't push it.
Are you an 8 trying to edge out a 7 looking to marry a doctor? I'd keep your mouth shut if I were you.
Looks, personality, sexual fidelity are all figured into the equation and one of those tells is how easily you jump in the sack."I don't normally do this" is like a joke for those who know. Oh, of course if a man is looking for a fling they love women who jump in the sack because :
#1 Men who commit to women maximize their gene replication by having loyal committed partners.
AND
#2 Men who who take advantage of sexual opportunities
These are mutually exclusive strategies that grandma knew all about.
So this guys innards are swirling around as he stands confused between the precipitous. He really likes you, but because you didn't listen to grandma, you set of his anti-cuckolding hardware.
Your theory is cute but well off the mark, but nice try .
He sounds immature to me, time to move on...and insecure. He probably thinks that you just sleep with any guy. So...time for you to look at the relationship with new eyes.
And yes, men have a double standard. That is the way they are. Until you find the right one. I slept with my ex on about the third date, and it was perfectly fine. He never acted like I was "easy" it just seemed right for us. I think, it would have seemed very fake to me, for me to have just kept holding him off...but that was us...and I am much older. After all, when you are an old woman, dating an old man...sleeping together is less about sex, and more about just being together.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Last I checked, it takes two to tango...
.
