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......she does not get to dictate how he copes and moves on. And that is the anger about this thread: he is coping in a manner of which she does not approve.
But the OP's problem is that she wants to dictate how he copes and she can't get over the fact that she has not control over it.
You didn't read it, but you are responding anyway.
My point is that I don't care what you think because I generally find your opinions outdated, sexist, and offensive, so I rarely bother going past the first sentence of your posts in the first place, never mind if you start off with the utterly condescending, "You need to."
But here, let me remedy that: Back on ignore you go.
I read with interest your post and although I am sorry things didn't work out for you, it looks like your former boy friend has moved on. Lucky him. If I was single I would go after a much younger girl as well. Why not? Who cares about maturity and if they are compatible. The guy has a 19 year old girl to sleep with. Now for me chances are I would have chosen someone that can go out at night, like a 21 year old. At least she would be able to go into clubs. You want to figure out what he is thinking? She is 19. I bet her body is tight and everything is where it is supposed to be. What more do you need to figure out? Sorry to say this but for the most part that is what us guys are looking for. I am happily married and have never taken a side path to happiness. Saying that if my wife were to pass away I wouldn't be looking for another 39 year old woman to fill her place.
I'm 32. My body is tight and everything is where it is supposed to be too. I never said that I have the problem with her age or looks...
Diminishing sexual activities is a common trade-off for long term relationships. It would have happened eventually with any other guy. And it will happen with any other guy you become involved long-term in the future.
(And for all of you who claim to still be boinking hard-core after twenty years of marriage: Sure, there are exceptions, but go ahead, call me a liar).
Too many people think that sex=love. You may love/be in love with the person you are having sex with, but sex does not equal love. Reading through your posts, I get the impression that this is a big deal to you. You pointed out in one of your responses something to the effect that you do not believe you are ugly, are comfortable with your appearance. So perhaps it is not low self-esteem. But there is something else going on here.
Sounds like you otherwise had a decent relationship, the guy proposed to you twice, and for chrissakes, his heart broke when you dumped him (hint* hint* chances are high a guy is still in love with you if his heart is able to break. Otherwise he would not have minded [so much]). But, in your mind something was wrong because his sexual interest in you was low. He probably was still interested, but just got to a point of comfortableness with you and the relationship where sex was taking a backseat. As I mentioned, this is normal.
The good news, albeit too late, is that sexual excitement can be recaptured.
So, you met someone who you thought could give you what you wanted/needed. And you told your BF about it. You say you were just being honest, but I feel that you were testing him. He didn't take the bait-or didn't respond in a way that you had hoped-so you went ahead and dumped him.
His reaction, aside from being heartbroken, was to find someone else and you want to know why. Why is he doing what he is doing.
Perhaps you realize your error and you truly want to get back together. But I doubt that. Let's face it: you are in your 30s, and your 30 year old ex is now banging a 19 year old. What you really want to know is why is he sleeping with someone so much younger than you, which may give you reasons/excuses as to why he was not interested in you sexually.
Did he see you as getting old? Frigid? Etc.? Perhaps, but I would bet the house that he was really hurt by the break-up; especially since you met someone that you "fell in love with" and he is doing what he is doing out of spite. He is getting revenge on you. He is giving you the middle finger. He knows that the lack of sexual activity was the impetus that led to all of this, and perhaps he is remorseful about that, but when you dumped him he saw an opportunity and went with it. He knew that it would hurt you because you hurt him.
Yes, he does think the break-up is all your fault. You see otherwise. Reality is that both of you contributed to the end result. You cannot accept the fact that he is with someone else, for what-ever reason. You want validation that you were somehow in the right to break-up with him as it would negate the fact that his now-current relationship may not be "your fault", or that you are not the "loser" in this. And that's just it; would you still be [as] upset if he wasn't currently sleeping with anyone? Someone his own age? That goes back to my comment about you having some type of sexual baggage (although perhaps not negative).
The ex knows that if it was just business as usual, you'd feel like you "won". So like I said, he's sticking it you by sticking [it into] another. After 9 1/2 years, he knows your weaknesses; which buttons to push. The best form of revenge is to not show that you are bothered by the situation-even if you are. That is what he is doing and it sounds like it is working. I can almost guaranty that he will change his tune when you start seeing someone else and "show" that you are not bothered by the break-up, either.
However, he is playing a game with you. Despite breaking up with him, it would be in your best interests to just go with the hand you dealt yourself and not lower to his high school antics. At some point in the future, after you both got this childness out, you can have a mature conversation to clear your chests and find closer; if you still need it by then.
Thank you very much for you insight. You got a good point here and I was thinking the same.. I would just never hurt him on purpose and seems like he is doing it to me.. guess that is what hurts me the most. While he was feeling bad soon after break up I never ever refused to talk to him.. he was calling me and I was there crying together with him. Now all of a sudden, since he has this new relationship, he is in hate mode and acts like he doesn't care at all for my feelings...
Ah hah....a musician that is dedicated to his instrument. And why mention he is dating a 19 year old?, would it make you feel better if he was doing another 37 year old?
No it would not. The reason I mentioned her age is that it was really a surprise for me and all in all he behaves like a totally different person.
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and he is doing what he is doing out of spite. He is getting revenge on you. He is giving you the middle finger. He knows that the lack of sexual activity was the impetus that led to all of this, and perhaps he is remorseful about that, but when you dumped him he saw an opportunity and went with it. He knew that it would hurt you because you hurt him.
