Do you believe in buying property only when you have a long-term partner? (dating, wife)

[Stockyman]

Surprised by some of the answers to an ongoing thread about homeownership and how some posters rather date someone who rents because it's much easier to buy a place together if it gets serious.

Why wait for someone to buy property if it never happens? Some people are really missing out by waiting for the 'ONE' to buy property. I know it's easier but some people have made serious equity gains by not waiting and buying if they like and can afford the place.

Not saying everyone should be a property owner but letting your relationship status dictate whether to buy seems awful because some will always be searching for the 'ONE'.

[ellie]

I was on my third house before my husband came along. We never lived there together. Instead, we lived in his house.

Ultimately, we found a larger place that suited our needs perfectly.

And yes, equity is what allows you to have the flexibility to move when your needs change.

[athena53]

Heck, no. I divorced in 1997 and immediately bought another house with my share of the proceeds from the marital home. Started dating second DH shortly after; he also owned a home he'd bought after his ex-wife bought him out of the one they'd shared after their son got out of college, as the divorce agreement required. I'm now widowed and in the house we chose together when we downsized and I love it here.

I was more interested in his financial responsibility and stability; if he had been renting that would have been fine, too. When we married and relocated for my job, it took his a year to sell (2 flights of steps leading up to the front door made it a hard sale, then the septic tank had to be replaced after a prospective buyer had it inspected). Messy, but it all worked out.

[Jezku]

if he's already proven financially responsible and in other long-term areas, yes.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by Stockyman

Surprised by some of the answers to an ongoing thread about homeownership and how some posters rather date someone who rents because it's much easier to buy a place together if it gets serious.

Why wait for someone to buy property if it never happens? Some people are really missing out by waiting for the 'ONE' to buy property. I know it's easier but some people have made serious equity gains by not waiting and buying if they like and can afford the place.

Not saying everyone should be a property owner but letting your relationship status dictate whether to buy seems awful because some will always be searching for the 'ONE'.

Absolutely. RE investment is almost always a wise move, if you buy carefully. And as you say, if you wait until your relationship dream comes true, you may never get the benefit of making that type of investment. OTOH, if someone's good at working the stock market or whatever other investment choices one may make, it might not matter.

[mysticaltyger]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

Absolutely. RE investment is almost always a wise move, if you buy carefully. And as you say, if you wait until your relationship dream comes true, you may never get the benefit of making that type of investment.

Agreed.

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

OTOH, if someone's good at working the stock market or whatever other investment choices one may make, it might not matter.

The main thing is keeping housing costs reasonable as a % of income, so that you have money for savings. You don't want rent OR a mortgage to gobble up too much of your income (Hint: that almost always means borrowing a lot less than the bank will be willing to lend you).

As far as 'working the stock market' goes, there's actually very little work involved. People still don't get this. But investing in the stock market is BORING. Buy a broad based index fund like Vanguard Total Stock Market Index--or, for more conservative worrywarts--Vanguard Dividend Appreciation Index. Worrywarts might also consider something a bit more conservative that mixes in some bonds--they'll soften the blow when stocks crash. Vanguard Wellington or Vanguard Balanced Index are good candidates about 60 to 65% stocks with 35% to 40% bonds. Then you just keep adding money month in and month out. Year in and year out. People can't believe it's that boring, but it is. Even the research from financial companies shows that those who get good returns are those who regularly invest money and leave it alone (instead of moving it around from stock to stock or mutual fund to mutual fund).

[Joy444]

My ex-husband and I owned our home outright, and when we divorced, he kept the house, and I'm buying another one. I've had to live in an apartment this past year, though. I hadn't lived in an apartment since grad school (many years ago!), and I've been reminded of just how much I hate renting. In my mind, renting is just money going down the drain, never to be seen again. The thought of how much money I've "lost" in rent this past year honestly makes me ill.

[zentropa]

Why on earth would you rent if you can own property (where mortgage less than rent), get the mortgage interest write off, build equity, and be able to sell up and go rather than waiting until a lease is up?

[funymann]

Originally Posted by Joy444

My ex-husband and I owned our home outright, and when we divorced, he kept the house, and I'm buying another one. I've had to live in an apartment this past year, though. I hadn't lived in an apartment since grad school (many years ago!), and I've been reminded of just how much I hate renting. In my mind, renting is just money going down the drain, never to be seen again. The thought of how much money I've "lost" in rent this past year honestly makes me ill.

Ouch! Yeah, I probably couldnt sign a rental agreement that had the $12,000 or more on it. I hear you on that loss.

[srjth]

I think it's more like, the people who feel this way just don't see a reason or have the motivation to buy a home that they live in. This is in contrast to the masses who just LOOOOOOOOOOVE to own a home they live in and think it's the be-all end-all of life's existence. It's sort of like how some single people might not feel much motivation towards having children. But then they get married, and suddenly they start warming up to the idea, and liking babies to the point where it becomes a strong motivation. This is what buying a home that you live in is like to us, it's conditional. In the meantime and before marriage, we will rent the home we live in and use our money to buy rental properties that pay us money and park in other investments. That qualifies as what you phrased as "buying property with equity gains".

As for what I would do when dating. I am a renter and here are some possibilities:

1. Guy is also a renter but has assets - this is most ideal
2. Guy owns a home and I am comfortable moving in because I like his place - this will be 2nd favorable, but I wouldn't contribute to any maintenance, remodeling or upkeep of his place (since it wouldn't be mine in ownership). He'd be out there doing the yardwork all by himself on weekends, that's a promise. Unless I got to have an herb and vegetable garden, then I would do it, because I like that. And if we got married, a prenup would have to be in place, no doubt.
3. Guy owns a home but I am not comfortable moving in because I don't like his place. If he refuses to sell and buy something together with me, then we break up, or continue to date until we can't stand each other anymore.

Hypothetically, let's say it's a situation where the two people both own a home. You both can keep your homes, NOT move in together because neither of you will budge on who sells, and have a pretend pseudo-marriage. Plenty of older people are happy with that arrangement. I would only be happy with it if I didn't really love the guy anyway (which is totally possible at the rate I'm going).

Or, one of you agrees to sell and hopefully there isn't too much fighting on which sells, and moves into the others house. In this case, a prenup would have to be in place if they got married and also see #2 above.

Or, you both sell your homes and combine your equity and buy something together. This is easy in some markets and very hard in others.

All and all it's more complicated so you can see why as a renter, I believe dating another renter is superior.